About Natasha Wallis Expertise If someone is experiencing problems with their gender and wishes to develop coping strategies to move forward, stay still or cope without changing gender, I should be able to provide some help. Also anyone who needs advice on how to pass, transition, have surgeries and live successfully as a woman will get valid sensible advice
Experience I am a postoperative ts woman who has been involved in personal development, motivation, life coaching and mentoring all my life. I have had extensive FFS and SRS surgery and am a senior moderator on some well known support sites. Designed and led "Why me? Am I transsexual" and Employer/employee Diversity Training Workshops.
Publications Msn & Yahoo Support Groups on matters relating to transsexual people.
Education/Credentials BA Biology; Personal Motivation Trainer; Qualified Mediator. Mentor
Awards and Honors Small Business Award Winner 1995
Expert: Natasha Wallis Date: 6/6/2008 Subject: i'm a freak
Question this is how I feel, FREAK, FREAK, FREAK, FREAK! okay, I am male, yet have wanted to be female, since I was a small boy, I'm not gay. I find it hard in relationships as a male to a woman, because I can't get it right, I'm told I'm too soft, I'm girlie, and when I was married for 10 years our friends would often laugh at us cause I took on the nuturing role, and she was more like a guy. And I was never into guy things, Well it didn't last she finally left me for a more masculine guy. I don't want to be more male, but I should. But I have always wanted long hair, and it works cause I'm a musician, but I'm sooo girlie, until my 30's I started getting older and I really hated it. And divorce, but I don't want to be a woman and be with a man, I feel like a woman and want to be with a woman. I'm not saying I want a surgery, I don't know, but I have taken hormones and am getting soft and womanly, which I love. I am lonlely it's been eight years and I feel like no woman could want me. Well there was a torrid affair in the middle, she said I was too clingy. Which I can be, it's something I'm aware of. I'm also to emotional, I cry alot... I am a christian, and I'm trying to deal with my faith in all this and praying, I feel sooo isolated and soo weird. I have a transgendered friend, and she has been a great help, but she is not attracted to women like I am, I just feel so lost. I want to be me, yet I want to be loved. I feel unlovable. Not that that is an excuse, I love being girlie, I hide it alot, I don't want people to think I'm gay, like I said I'm not. Yet I am confused. I don't know what to do? I find it hard coping with the fact that I am probably a transexual and that I could be a lesbian, and that just makes my head hurt. I don't get it... Yet I feel like a woman, and want to be with one. Am I crazy? To to top it off, I'm shy, and submissive and I don't know how to meet people. I'm hopeless....
Answer Hi Carey
Let me start off by saying that you are part of the great diversity of the human race and there is no way that you are a Freak or hopeless.
The first step in any way forward is to accept that you are terribly confused and depressed about your life as it is, Yes???
Well, if i told you that 45% of all post operative ts women still prefer to have a relationship with a woman does that help? For many women in this category thier can be many reasons but to simply accept that you are a lesbian is no big deal surely? Gender and Sexual Orientation are not linked anyway. I became a woman not so I could have sex with men or even women, I did it because I was not gender congruent, that I HAD to be a woman and hated being a man. Whilst I have been on dates and had sex with men, I still prefer women and to me it is no big deal at all.
You are far from hopeless, it seems as if you have however been coping with ever more severe Gender Dysphoria
Without treatment there is little hope that you will be able to cope living as a man and therefore transition might be the answer. I note you are taking hormones. Taking these without being informed either by expert medical supervision is NOT advised since they are potent drugs and there are numerous serious side effects that you need to be aware of. It is however interesting to read threy have calmed you.
You do not say where in the World you are but there are numerous English speaking support sites you can join. AND there are some great online resources you can visit to learn more about your condition. Here are a few:
BOOKS
There is a good book you might like to get off Amazon called "True Selves" by J Mildred Brown. She might find it good to read if she can.
http://www.firelily.com/gender/gianna/ (this is a wonderful site packed with interesting thoughts, written by a gender therapist in the USA but having total relevance to anyone, TV or TS and in between actually)
It covers the entire transgender spectrum and though primarily UK based, there are some overseas contributors. The Forums really ARE great places to make friends and end isolation.
Whilst I cannot promise that you will not be on your own forever, reaching out on sites like tvchix really does help in overcoming loneliness.
Carey, just begin slowly to do some reading, join a few sites and then consider seeing a counsellor or a therapist who could help you more. To find a therapist, the following site might well be of some assistance:
And if you need to know more, all you have to do is ask.
Thank you for entrusting your worries to our site. There is no need to suffer in silence and you CAN take positive steps to help calm your Gender Dysphoria.
Finally, remember, you are not crazy, a freak or hopeless - you just lack the strength and information at present to solve your many challenges.
