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About Mike Hernandez
Expertise
I can answer questions that pertain to transition, coming out, dating, surgical options, etc., related to FTMs (female to male) and genderqueer individuals with a masculine gender expression.
Experience
I'm FTM who started transition in 1991. I have published articles and have spoken at colleges and universities on being and living as a transgendered individual. I have also presented workshops at a variety of FTM/transgendered conferences including FTM Conference of the Americas (1995-1997), Southern Comfort (late 1990s) Forward Motion (1999), Gender Odyssey (2000, 2004), and Forge (2007). I was one of several organizers of the Forward Motion conference.
Organizations
Former boardmember of FTM Alliance of Los Angeles, Inc.
Publications
"Transgendered Lust " appearing in From the Inside Out: Radical Gender Transformation, FTM and Beyond by Morty Diamond (San Francisco: Manic Press, 2004)
A contribution to Bears on Bears by Ron Suresha (San Francisco: Alyson Publications, 2002);
"Redemption" appearing in Best Lesbian Erotica, ed. Tristan Taormino (San Francisco: Cleis Press 2001); Best of the Best Lesbian Erotica 2 , ed. Tristan Taormino (San Francisco: Cleis Press 2004); originally appearing in Academy: Tales of the Market Place by Laura Antoniou (New York: Mystic Rose Books, 2000);
Appearance in Transmen & FTMS: Identities, Bodies, Genders & Sexualities by Jason Cromwell (University of Illinois Press, 1999);
"I Am Neither Man Nor Woman" Trans Liberation: Beyond Pink or Blue, ed. Leslie Feinberg (Boston: Beacon Press, 1998);
"Holding My Breath Under Water" Looking Queer , ed. Dawn Atkins (Boston: Hayworth Press, 1998);
"Boundaries: Gender and Transgenderism," The Second Coming , eds. Pat(rick) Califia and Robin Sweeney (San Francisco: Alyson Publications, 1996); and
# "Packing, Passing & Pissing," Dagger , eds. Lily Burana, Roxxie, and Linnea Due (San Francisco: Cleis Press, 1994).
Education/Credentials
Post graduate.
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You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Gay/Lesbian Issues > Transgender/Transsexual > How to tell friend and loved ones I want a sex change
Transgender/Transsexual - How to tell friend and loved ones I want a sex change
Expert: Mike Hernandez - 7/3/2008
Question
Hi, my name is Michael and I live in Missouri. I come to you with a very important question. I am 17 and wish to get a sex change soon. I have always wanted to be a female since I can remember. I love to do everything girls like to do. All of my female friend say I act like a girl most of the time and think that I am gay. I have only told two of my close friend that I wish to be a female and plan on getting a sex change as soon as I can, they were very understanding and said that they would be there no matter what happened. I have also told my mom that I like to dress in girls cloths, but do not have the guts to tell my mom or dad that I plan on getting a sex change as soon as I can. I know I will most likely be push away from my grandparents if I do tell them, and that would hurt. I am very close to them. What would be the best way to break this news to my family and other friends.
Please Help.
Thanks
Michael
Answer
Dear Michael:
Breaking the news to parents and family can be a very difficult thing to do. While you know what you want, my recommendation is that you wait to tell them. They don't need to know everything that is going on in your life at the moment that it happens. The same for friends. While I realize that this is an important point in your life, and I am by no means suggesting that you should hide who you are, timing can be everything.
The fact of the matter is that you are 17 and appear to still live with them. Now is not the time to have the discussion because the ramifications are severe.
My suggestion is that you wait until you are ready to start the process of transition before having these conversations. Otherwise, if they take it poorly you could be looking for housing and employment, rather than dealing with the end of high school/beginning of college.
I recommend that you discuss coming out to parents and friends with the therapist that you will be seeing re: transition. That way you can get support and guidance re: how to deal with the situation.
When I came out to my folks I was 30, living alone, and not financially dependent on them. That helped a lot, but was still very scary.
Best of luck,
Michael
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