AboutVaughn Gardner Expertise I can't think of any questions that I can't answer. However, I've learned over the years that I hardly hold all the answers in the world. So, if questions arise that I can't answer, first I'll check the Net to see if there are any, and then pass it on the questioner, second if I can't find any I'll refer them to someone who can.
Experience I, myself, am a 51yr old FtM, currently pre-op, who began on my own transgender journey in 2000, so I'm familiar with what brought me to the realization that I was/am transgender and the trials and tribulations that can come along the way
Organizations APA (American Psychological Association) Undergraduate Student Afiiliate Member ACA (American Counseling Association) Undergraduate Student Member I'm a co-founder of the community college PRISM club (People Respecting Individuals and Sexual Minorities); served as one of two Co_Chair positions in 2007.
Education/Credentials I'm pursuing a degree in psychology (A.A. awarded in 2007, now pursuing my BA - 2009, MA and/or PsyD - a year or two later) and my focus will be with the gay/bisexual/lesbian/trans, particularly in the trans, areas. Other I've spoken on college campuses on being transgender as well as every quarter during my time at CC I spoke to the Human Sexuality class as well as the Gender and Society class when it was offered. I am a licensed ULC minister and have served as a high priestess for an online coven prior to my beginning the trans journey. I was a pentecostal for 25yrs before leaving the church and now follow an eclectic Wiccan path.
Question I'm 24 years old, and since I started transitioning just after my 18th birthday, I've exhibited first a strong preference for, and then an exclusive desire for, relationships with other men. I ended one last year that lasted on and off for five years. He was gay, but we still engaged in various sexual acts.
I am currently dating my roommate; we've been together for over 6 months; he was a virgin anyway except for performing oral sex, but he has been increasingly reluctant in the sexual department and now refuses what he allowed before (me with a strap-on; me performing oral sex or touching his penis, etc . . .) I obviously cannot offer him a cock to suck as he is used to. It's very frustrating, but also frightening, because the future of our relationship depends on his ability to overcome inhibitions after my surgeries, which are not yet financially possible.
I've always just bottomed when I tricked, and I've had other successful relationships, both short and long term. Yet I cannot deny my desire to be a top upon occasion, nor his.
Most FTMs seem to be straight; many intend no SRS, but I do. I have found no point of reference . . . I understand to maintain an erection, I will need artificial assistance.
However, the anus requires a firmer erection for penetration than the vaginal canal. Is it possible for an FTM? What about a fulfilling experience for someone sucking my future cock? Will it feel dead in their mouth? I know I can't really be "responsive" or achieve orgasm that way . . .
I'm so desperate to find answers, and even my counselors aren't sure. Help!
Answer Aidan,
Hang in there. I'm in desperate need of some sleep but I'll get back to you later this weekend. I just wanted to let you know I got your question and will get back to you.
But let me give you something to chew on until I get back to you. You have a couple of surgical options when it comes to phallic construction. Go over to http://www.transster.com/ and check out the surgery photos and info. Personally, I'm going for the metoidioplasty simply because it's less invasive (sp) and I can still orgasm.
So with that little tid bit I'll leave you until later this weekend. In the meantime, just take good care of yourself and infact, do something to spoil yourself this weekend. You deserve it! :)
