AboutTrey McGowan Expertise I am able to answer questions about transexual and transgender issues of many kinds, but in particular those tilted toward the FTM (Female-To-Male) transgender. I can offer tips for dressing, passing, binding, packing, behavior, and the like for both drag and full lifestyle. I may also be able to offer some help with finding local peer groups, should you be interested in peer counseling. Sexuality issues, MTF (male-to-female), and other gender issues can also be touched on and I may be able to help.
I am not a professional (I repeat: I AM NOT A PROFESSIONAL!) but I can also offer some general peer counseling suggestions and help with finding groups for all branches of gender identification and sexuality. If you are in need of finding a professional, I may be able to find a name in your area to help.
Experience I am personally FTM transgender, living full-time and accepting of my gender identity. I have not yet been through operations (so am unable to offer personal experience on most of these). I have been part of a number of groups, though moving has kept discussions to long distance since then. I am well-studied for a great many years in this area, having begun reading up on it when I first identified and having kept up on it since then. I have no medical credentials in the area of gender counseling but have been part of multiple peer counseling groups.
Organizations Knox Boyz (FTM peer support group)
Nashville T'men (FTM peer support group)
Education/Credentials I have completed grade school, some high school, and my GED.
Question I'm a 17 year old lesbian, currently. When I was younger, I remember feeling left out and lonely, and that's pretty much all I remember. I've been having thoughts about being in the wrong body ever since I was 14. My dad thought he was transgender about 2 months ago, but went to a psychiatrist and came back "normal" again. They've always been fine with LGBT, and took my coming out as a lesbian in an "oh, ok" kind of way. However, I tried to come out as transgender a few weeks ago and, where my mom just seemed a little disappointed, my dad laughed it off. He told me that he could tell I was really a girl, and that I didn't show any signs of it as a little girl. This leads to my questions: is it normal to just feel alone, left out, and misunderstood as a child, and realize the true feelings later? Can somebody who's not you 'tell' if you're transgender or not? And how can I convince them to at least let me see a psychiatrist instead of brushing my feelings off as a phase? I thought it might've been a phase, too, but the more I read and learn about it the more I see it in myself. Please help!
Answer Hi there, Bryn!
First of all, let me apologize for the amount of time that it took for me to answer this. It wasn't that you were being ignored, but that an emergency move had me (and still does) trapped away from my computer. Therefore, while I can answer this question, I will likely not return to answer others until September.
Now, for the meat of your answer. Yes. It's normal. ... a bit simplistic, maybe, but trust me when I say that most, if not every, transgender individual has had the same sort of issues at one time or another. And indeed, individuals of all sorts of issues have the exact same situation: feeling alone is very easy when it is a situation that people either hide or actively avoid. Sometimes, the best help in the world is just to give a name to your problem and be able to start realizing that there *are* others with it. That is the beauty of support groups: you are NOT ALONE.
As for getting your parents to realize that this is not a phase, the only thing I can suggest is that you start dealing with some online support groups and explain the situation to them. For one thing, it will give you some ideas from their point of view, and for another, it will let you start to 'get it off your chest', so to speak, which is a big start in being able to accept yourself. And often, that can be the first step. Directing your parents to the same support groups (or to ones specifically for family and friends of transgender) may well be a help. In addition, if you simply tell them the same thing you have told me, that this is not just a phase and that it is becoming a genuine issue for you, you can hopefully start to move on. Denial can be a powerful force; you may need to tell them a number of times, but if you firmly feel that this is *not* a phase, then you have to show them that.
I wish you all the best, and hope that you can manage to work through these difficult times. They're ones that a lot of TG have had, so you can know that, at least, you are very definitely not alone in this!
