Transgender/Transsexual/I am confused about myself.


Hi,so I am a straight male, but I constantly wonder what it is like to be a female, I am attracted to women but whenever I watch pornography or just women in general my mind first goes to I wonder what it would be like to be her having sex with that guy instead of being that guy, I constantly think about gender changing and read stories etc, as I said I am a straight male and have no attractions towards men(I do find penis attractive but the body no). So my question is what do you think this means, I am very confused as to why these thoughts are in my head so any advice would be awesome.

thank you

Dear Jordan:

You are a far better judge of yourself than I could ever be.

There is a huge difference between gender identity (male, female, etc.) and sexual orientation (heterosexual/bisexual/homosexual).  Sexual orientation is who you are attracted to in relation to your gender identity.  There are transwomen (male to female) who are only attracted to women.  The identify as lesbians.  Under their self-definition these women (who are in the process of or have transitioned) are homosexual.

You identify as straight and are attracted to women and occasionally visualize yourself in a sexually passive (recipient) female role.  In this situation, my read would be straight male having a rather typical fantasy (  

Only you know if your feelings or inclinations are stronger than wonder or fantasy.

I hope this helps.




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Mike Hernandez


I can answer questions that pertain to transition, coming out, dating, surgical options, etc., related to FTMs (female to male) and genderqueer individuals with a masculine gender expression.


I'm FTM who started transition in 1991. I have published articles and have spoken at colleges and universities on being and living as a transgendered individual. I have also presented workshops at a variety of FTM/transgendered conferences including FTM Conference of the Americas (1995-1997), Southern Comfort (late 1990s) Forward Motion (1999), Gender Odyssey (2000, 2004), and Forge (2007). I was one of several organizers of the Forward Motion conference.

Former boardmember of FTM Alliance of Los Angeles, Inc.

"Transgendered Lust " appearing in From the Inside Out: Radical Gender Transformation, FTM and Beyond by Morty Diamond (San Francisco: Manic Press, 2004) A contribution to Bears on Bears by Ron Suresha (San Francisco: Alyson Publications, 2002); "Redemption" appearing in Best Lesbian Erotica, ed. Tristan Taormino (San Francisco: Cleis Press 2001); Best of the Best Lesbian Erotica 2 , ed. Tristan Taormino (San Francisco: Cleis Press 2004); originally appearing in Academy: Tales of the Market Place by Laura Antoniou (New York: Mystic Rose Books, 2000); Appearance in Transmen & FTMS: Identities, Bodies, Genders & Sexualities by Jason Cromwell (University of Illinois Press, 1999); "I Am Neither Man Nor Woman" Trans Liberation: Beyond Pink or Blue, ed. Leslie Feinberg (Boston: Beacon Press, 1998); "Holding My Breath Under Water" Looking Queer , ed. Dawn Atkins (Boston: Hayworth Press, 1998); "Boundaries: Gender and Transgenderism," The Second Coming , eds. Pat(rick) Califia and Robin Sweeney (San Francisco: Alyson Publications, 1996); and # "Packing, Passing & Pissing," Dagger , eds. Lily Burana, Roxxie, and Linnea Due (San Francisco: Cleis Press, 1994).

Post graduate.

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