Transgender/Transsexual/Question about a FTM penis


Okay, so I was just wondering, I am romantically involved with a transsexual guy. We are planning to have sex but I was just wondering a few things about it.

- Will he feel any pleasure?
- Will he be able to ejaculate?
- Will it hurt him in any way?

Dear Kira,

Pleasure:  Everyone is different, so what feels pleasurable to one person is not so enjoyable for someone else. Use lube.  Water-based is recommended.  If he's going to be penetrating you whether he can wear a condom will depend on which surgery he's had.  He might be able to penetrate without surgery, but the angles an be a bit of a challenge depending on your bodily configurations. From a safer sex perspective, the female condom works best.  It goes inside your body, so you don't have to worry about it slipping off of him.  Lube works wonders.  I suggest water based.  He may have a favorite.

Some guys prefer the upstroke (pull) while others get greater pleasure during the downstroke (push).  It can also vary from time to time with the same guy.

Ejaculation:  Some of us can ejaculate.  Orgasm can occur independently from ejaculation.  In other words, he might get off and not ejaculate.  Again, it varies from guy to guy.  As in non-trans males, the ejaculate exits through the urethra.  However, our ejaculate does not contain sperm.  It tends to be clear and viscous.

Pain:  Our penises can be somewhat sensitive.  Some guys like to be handled a bit more roughly than others.  Clearly, start with light pressure and increase until you find what's best for him. Unless you seriously squeeze or pull too hard, you aren't going to hurt him, but note there are some guys who like this.  

You can ask if there is anything that he finds particularly pleasurable.  Ask for a sign or signal that something doesn't feel good or is getting uncomfortable.  Some people are better with non-verbal communication, but I'd recommend having a chat.  Communicate what you enjoy as well inquiring what he feels most pleasurable.  You might be shy at first (or perhaps not at all), but it's worth getting what.  Don't talk it to death.  

If you don't want to have a discussion and figure things out as you go along then you need to pay really close attention to his body signals. Watch his breathing.  Is it speeding up?  Is he holding his breath at certain points?  Does he hold it just before he moans?  Is he moving into your touch or away from it?  Does he kiss you more passionately when you do something in particular?  

My recommendation is that you two at least have a discussion.  Make it part of your foreplay.  You might be pleasantly surprised.




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Mike Hernandez


I can answer questions that pertain to transition, coming out, dating, surgical options, etc., related to FTMs (female to male) and genderqueer individuals with a masculine gender expression.


I'm FTM who started transition in 1991. I have published articles and have spoken at colleges and universities on being and living as a transgendered individual. I have also presented workshops at a variety of FTM/transgendered conferences including FTM Conference of the Americas (1995-1997), Southern Comfort (late 1990s) Forward Motion (1999), Gender Odyssey (2000, 2004), and Forge (2007). I was one of several organizers of the Forward Motion conference.

Former boardmember of FTM Alliance of Los Angeles, Inc.

"Transgendered Lust " appearing in From the Inside Out: Radical Gender Transformation, FTM and Beyond by Morty Diamond (San Francisco: Manic Press, 2004) A contribution to Bears on Bears by Ron Suresha (San Francisco: Alyson Publications, 2002); "Redemption" appearing in Best Lesbian Erotica, ed. Tristan Taormino (San Francisco: Cleis Press 2001); Best of the Best Lesbian Erotica 2 , ed. Tristan Taormino (San Francisco: Cleis Press 2004); originally appearing in Academy: Tales of the Market Place by Laura Antoniou (New York: Mystic Rose Books, 2000); Appearance in Transmen & FTMS: Identities, Bodies, Genders & Sexualities by Jason Cromwell (University of Illinois Press, 1999); "I Am Neither Man Nor Woman" Trans Liberation: Beyond Pink or Blue, ed. Leslie Feinberg (Boston: Beacon Press, 1998); "Holding My Breath Under Water" Looking Queer , ed. Dawn Atkins (Boston: Hayworth Press, 1998); "Boundaries: Gender and Transgenderism," The Second Coming , eds. Pat(rick) Califia and Robin Sweeney (San Francisco: Alyson Publications, 1996); and # "Packing, Passing & Pissing," Dagger , eds. Lily Burana, Roxxie, and Linnea Due (San Francisco: Cleis Press, 1994).

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