AboutSusan M. Heim Expertise As the author of two books on raising twins and multiples, as well as a mother of four -- including two teenagers and preschool-aged twins -- I am qualified to answer any questions relating to the raising of twins and multiples, from birth through the teen years.
Experience I am the author of "It's Twins! Parent-to-Parent Advice from Infancy Through Adolescence" and "Twice the Love: Stories of Inspiration for Families with Twins, Multiples and Singletons." I write a regular column for Mommies Magazine called "Loving and Living with Twins and Multiples." I also write a blog called "Susan Heim on Parenting." I've published articles in TWINS Magazine, as well as many other publications. I'm also the mother of twins and two other children.
Organizations National Organization of Mothers of Twins Clubs; Florida Organization of Mothers of Twins Clubs; National Association of Women Writers; Southeastern Writers Association; Small Publishers Association of North America (SPAN)
Education/Credentials I have a bachelor's degree in Business Administration.
Awards and Honors My book, "Oh, Baby! 7 Ways a Baby Will Change Your Life the First Year" is a winner of the 2006 Parent to Parent Adding Wisdom Award, the only award program to ever be honored by Disney.com, as well as the winner of a 2007 iParenting Media Award.
Expert: Susan M. Heim Date: 6/23/2008 Subject: How do I tell my twin 4 year old girls that it's OK to go places without each other
Question QUESTION: I am trying to get my twin 4 year old girls to go places without each other. They start school next year and I know they are going to seperate them. So, I would like to prepare them and get them use to doing things without each other. Any advise would be grateful.
ANSWER: Dear Adrianne,
You are wise to begin the separation process now so that your twins will more easily adjust to being in separate classrooms. First, you should begin to talk about kindergarten now, well before the first day arrives. Explain to them that they will be in different classes, but speak of it casually, not like it’s a big deal. Make it sound like it will be a new adventure for both of them! They’ll each have their own experiences that they can share with each other at the end of the day! If you sound worried or concerned about it, they’ll pick up on it and get nervous, too. Remind them that they’ll never be alone. They’ll meet lots of friends in school, and their teacher will be a friend, too.
Start now by taking them places apart from each other. For example, one twin can run errands with you while the other stays home with Daddy (or runs errands with him). Make a conscious effort not to take them everywhere together. Be firm if they don’t want to go different places. If they both want to go with Mommy, this is another good opportunity to teach them how to take turns. Practice separation in the home, too. Give them separate jobs to work on, and encourage independent play. If you’ve been thinking about giving them separate bedrooms, now is a good time.
Explain to your twins that almost all siblings are in different classes when they go to school. It’s just part of the school experience. By getting them used to the idea well ahead of time, there should be less anxiety when it’s time to go to kindergarten.
Best wishes,
Susan Heim
www.twinstalk.com
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QUESTION: Thank you for the advise.
But I have one more question.
My youngest has issues or a fear that I'm going to leave her, she will not leave my side. Even if I am going out with her and the family, she will not go outside unless she knows I'm coming with her. She cries that she will miss me and I try to explain that I would never leave her, and that I am coming back.
Answer Dear Adrianne,
Separation anxiety can be quite common at this age. My four-year-old twin boys still cling to me sometimes when I leave them, even if they’re someplace familiar, like preschool, or when they’re staying home with Daddy and I have to go out. Here are a couple of suggestions:
Try to stick to a routine as much as possible. Some children fear the unknown and do better if you always go to school at the same time, eat at the same time, and so on, so they know what to expect.
Allow your daughter to take a comfort object with her when she’ll be apart from you, like a favorite stuffed animal.
Don’t give in and linger too long when leaving your daughter. Give her a hug and kiss, hand her over to her caregiver, and go. Tell her you understand that she’s scared, but that doesn’t change the fact that you must leave for a while. Assure her that she’ll be fine and have fun.
Remind your daughter of some other times when she was brave and praise her for them.
Read books about when children do something on her own, like going off to school or to a friend’s house, and talk about what a good time they have even though Mommy’s not there.
Separation anxiety can be frustrating, but your daughter will grow out of it. Just keep doing the things I listed above and be strong. Even though she’ll continue to resist for a while, remind yourself that you’re doing the right thing for her by teaching her to be independent.
