AboutSusan M. Heim Expertise As the author of two books on raising twins and multiples, as well as a mother of four -- including two teenagers and preschool-aged twins -- I am qualified to answer any questions relating to the raising of twins and multiples, from birth through the teen years.
Experience I am the author of "It's Twins! Parent-to-Parent Advice from Infancy Through Adolescence" and "Twice the Love: Stories of Inspiration for Families with Twins, Multiples and Singletons." I write a regular column for Mommies Magazine called "Loving and Living with Twins and Multiples." I also write a blog called "Susan Heim on Parenting." I've published articles in TWINS Magazine, as well as many other publications. I'm also the mother of twins and two other children.
Organizations National Organization of Mothers of Twins Clubs; Florida Organization of Mothers of Twins Clubs; National Association of Women Writers; Southeastern Writers Association; Small Publishers Association of North America (SPAN)
Education/Credentials I have a bachelor's degree in Business Administration.
Awards and Honors My book, "Oh, Baby! 7 Ways a Baby Will Change Your Life the First Year" is a winner of the 2006 Parent to Parent Adding Wisdom Award, the only award program to ever be honored by Disney.com, as well as the winner of a 2007 iParenting Media Award.
Question Hi.. I have a 13 months old twin boys, they are fraternal twins. a lot of times they play together and i enjoy listening to their laughs together! but i have a problem with one of them, he's always hitting and pushing his brother to fall on the floor, and the second doesn't defend him self in anyway he just cries.. i don't know how to deal with it, i tried saying NO but he doesn't understand yet! he goes and pushes him more after i talk to him!
thank you for you help..
Answer Hi Dana,
This is very common behavior for children this age, especially boys. They don’t know how to appropriately handle their frustrations with each other and therefore lash out. My twin boys often bit and pinched each other at that age. It's also common to have a more "dominant" twin who tends to push his brother around. There are a couple of things you can do:
Try to anticipate when a blow-up might occur and quickly separate them or divert them. If you hear signs of them starting to get rowdy, intervene before it reaches the critical stage.
Encourage separate activities. Have one color while the other plays with blocks, and then have them switch after a while. If you or your spouse is running an errand, take one of the children while the other stays home. One-on-one parental attention is important for twins, who often get tired of each other’s company.
Show them alternative behaviors. We had a saying in our house: “Hugs not hits.” Model how to give each other hugs and share toys. Playact scenes with them where you practice sharing things and resolving conflicts.
Praise them for good behavior. “I see that you are playing so nicely together. That makes Mommy happy and earns you a treat!”
Change the scenery. If you’ve been in the house for a long time and the twins are getting on each other’s nerves, go outside (if the weather’s appropriate) to help them burn off some energy.
Also, your non-assertive twin may surprise you when he gets older and start defending himself! But you'll still want to practice the tips above to avoid a full-blown conflict.
