UK Relationships/Feel unwanted.


I am a single older woman who would like to be in a good loving relationship with a good man.  I was in a relationship a few years ago but sadly that ended when cancer took him.

I thought I had met the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with last year but it was not to be as he went off with someone young enough to be his daughter. That relationship did not last but I suspect that she poisoned him against me by telling a lot of lies about me.  She was supposed to be my friend but when she saw me and him getting together she decided that she wanted him.  She dumped him after a few weeks and went back to a previous boyfriend who is more her own age and who is also the father of her child.  I have no children.

Since they split up I was hoping that he would look my way again but this has not happened and he is looking for another twenty year old girl.  Like me, he is in his fifties and we are both very unconventional people who share the same interests.  I can only wonder what she told him about me as he does not even want to be friends with me anymore and avoids me when he can.  

I still have feelings for him though I have lost respect for him since he told me he is looking for a young girl, he even told me I was not fit enough for him.  I am very fit for my age and could put many younger people to shame.  

With this I did not just lose out on what could have been a lovely relationship but I also lost out on my dream job as well as he would have got me the job and trained me up for it too.

I am finding it really hard to walk away from him and I feel nothing but hatred towards the young girl who betrayed me by dating him when she knew she should have stayed out of it and left the two of us to get together.

Normally the men I get are total losers and he was so different being at the top of his profession so I could hardly believe that he was interested in me to start with.  

I need to walk away from it all but it is so hard as I still want him but I know it can never be now.  I also feel bitter and angry over it. The one small satisfaction I have is seeing that he is alone and has not got together with another young girl.

It has really knocked my confidence that I will ever be with anyone again and I now just feel destined to spend the rest of my life alone as I do not want to end up with some loser.  I want to meet someone nice and decent who will treat me with respect and dignity but now I just feel like there is no one out there for me and even if I do meet someone else they will only ever be second best behind this guy and not my first choice.  This would be so unfair to them as well.

How do I move on from this mess and leave it all behind, or could there still be a chance that I could get him interested again as unlikely as this is.


Hi there Sunny
Sorry to hear that things arent going so well. Let me be candid early on and say that I'd advise that you give this man a very , very wide berth indeed.
On the off chance that you were to rekindle the relationship I think you'd be constantly looking over your shoulder every time he started making cow eyes at the next 20 year old that caught his eye.
I know you have feelings for this man , and I know that I have never met him and therefore judgement is difficult but from the little I do know he sounds like a vain, conceited, foolish guy who will continue to be so until he finally wakes up and realises that strong relationships with loving , capable women are infinitely more valuable than 2 week fantasy's with 20-somethings who will have no desire to be with him in the long term.

But you wont be able to make him see that. Unfortunately, as a man, and I talk from experience here, we tend to learn things better by getting it wrong time and time again, than being warned in advance.

So, you need to put him behind you. And to do that you need to get busy. Yes, you're having a rough time at the moment and everyone is miserable when a relationship has ended so thats natural but activity is the perfect cure for heartbreak. Get out there and get busy, meet people, try things you've wanted to try and get as sociable as you can.
New friends and , maybe even a new relationship is on the horizon but you need to get out there, they wont come to you.
Dont labour over thoughts of this perfect job either, sounds like this guy was a master of broken promises so I dont know how much the job would have worked out either. If you want this job then work out how you do it for yourself; does it need a qualification.....then go out and get it, or at least start to find out how. Does it need experience.....then do some volunteering or try to get involved at a low level as a way in.
I dont know what the job is but I do know this to be true......if you want it enough and you actively pursue it , and focus on it, you'll find a way, without assistance from this man.

Good luck Sunny


UK Relationships

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts


Steve Wilson


Any questions on families or relationships are welcome. As are any issues or problems that you have with communicating or simply being understood by those around you. I have voluntarily worked as a counselor in the past, both with individuals and families. I cant promise to have an answer to everything but will help as and where I can, without making judgements.


Both a former telephone counselor with a well known international support organisation and a former police officer within a major UK city. I've helped with numerous issues and worked with individuals and family towards conflict resolution.

Bachelor of Arts (Honours). I've received training in family and teenage counselling.

©2017 All rights reserved.

[an error occurred while processing this directive]