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UK Relationships/Rejected because I'm not fun enought.

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Most of our "friends" only want to hang out with me and my boyfriend if other people are around. Both of us are chilled laid back educated kind people. They just can't hang out with us unless someone more fun is there. Like our couple friends Jerry and Ashley don't like to be with us alone but if it came to being with one of our more destructive friends like "William" they would prefer to be with them. William has called Ashley a stupid bitch many times and would constantly remind Ashley that she would be nothing without Jerry (he is sexist and has showed many times he doesn't value her friendship but she's okay with this because all her "friends" have flaws). He has also used the couples house to cheat on his wife, and they would have to lie to his wife about were he was even when they were his wife's friends too. This man has burned down 2 house because he was mad at a person and has dragged both Jerry+ Ashley kids into his mess. Both Jerry and Ashley constantly say they don't want drama yet they pick the drama causing retard friends to be with. My question is if these people don't want drama why keep the destructive friends instead of the helpful ones? All the friends they want to hang out alone with are like that Ashley's best friend has tried to cheat with her husband Jerry and has cause them lots of headaches and unneeded pain. I just don't understand the logic behind it. (It's okay if they don't like us for whatever reason but I just don't get it, I though people hated assholes @_@ and all of us share the same interest and hobby's)

Answer
Hi

People get many different things from friendship. Some friends give us love, honesty, trust, dependability. Some give us artistic inputs, some intellectual and some make us laugh.
Others give us a sense of fun and wonder. But the thing is , no one friend gives us all of those things.

Let me give you an example; I'm a family guy, I work in an office, I'm university educated , I like a beer and I play golf. Pretty much Mr. Middle of the Road. Most of my friends share similar interests and think , pretty much, like me.
I have one friend though, from high school that I catch up with occasionally, he's been through a couple of marriages, drinks like a fish, he gets in fights and has even, once, been locked up. Completely different from my other friends in just about every way.
But....he has a heart of gold and would , I know, be first at my side if I needed back up of any description. He may not be much use when he's there but he'd move heaven and earth to get there. When I catch up with him, which is infrequent, I get a charge of excitement because he's something of a force of nature, he says and does things that I would never do and its nice to get that little bit of wildness in my life now and then.
So, the point that I'm trying to make is that its good to have a group of friends who arent all , middle of the road , "nice" people.
That being the case, it comes down for a choice for you and your boyfriend.....you cant , and shouldnt ask your friends to drop the "drama causing retard" because he's their friend, and friendship doesnt follow rules of logic. If they value his company then thats their prerogative, just like its yours to dislike him.
So my advice, for what its worth, is that you need to either learn to deal with the guy you dont like , or find a new group of friends that dont socialise with this guy.
My caution though would be this, if you were to move on to a new group of friends, what if they also happen to be friends with someone that you dont take to........?

There are no right or wrong answers here but the best answer , in my opinion , is that you dont have to like the same people that your friends do, but you cant make them dislike him either.

Good luck

Steve

UK Relationships

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Steve Wilson

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Any questions on families or relationships are welcome. As are any issues or problems that you have with communicating or simply being understood by those around you. I have voluntarily worked as a counselor in the past, both with individuals and families. I cant promise to have an answer to everything but will help as and where I can, without making judgements.

Experience

Both a former telephone counselor with a well known international support organisation and a former police officer within a major UK city. I've helped with numerous issues and worked with individuals and family towards conflict resolution.

Education/Credentials
Bachelor of Arts (Honours). I've received training in family and teenage counselling.

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