UK Relationships/Relationship

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Question
I am a very emotional person, and I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for nearly a year. We love each other very much, but my male best friend liked me, and my relationship with my boyfriend ruined that friendship, so I have pretty much fitted in with his friends. This makes me really dependent on him, and I only go out if he is there. Also the main problem is, I don't enjoy spending time with anyone else half as much as I do with him. If I'm not seeing him (always through his choice) I spent my time alone and upset. I don't know what to do as I don't enjoy going out with just friends anymore. I also still even feel like I'm annoying him if I text him asking what he's doing, even though I know he loves me. I am the kind of person who wants a relationship where you need each other and you complete each other, even though I know this isn't healthy or rational. Any advice please?

Answer
Hi Lizzie

We cant necessarily always have the relationship that we want, with the person that we like. Let me explain further. While I'm sure your boyfriend loves you, its very possible that he not, by his nature, the kind of guy that wants to check in by text or by phone every hour or two or spend most of his waking hours with you.
That doesnt make him a bad person but it may mean that he's not the guy for you. So at a very basic level either you persuade your boyfriend to be more attentive and singular in his interaction with you , or you move on and find someone that sees relationships more like you do.

Obviously though thats looking at it in a very black or white way. Maybe your first step would be to sit him down and , in a very relaxed way, have a conversation about how you feel. Be light hearted about it if you like but make it clear that you'd like to spend more time with him , just to feel closer to him.

But you do need to remember Lizzie that it is very , very important that both people in any relationship need personal space and their own social group, as you pointed out, its unhealthy not to and your relationship may be short lived if you cant give each other that little bit of space. So what I'd suggest is, rather than try to make him more attentive, expand your own social circle a little. Call up some friends you havent seen in a while, join a club or take up a hobby or sport that you've wanted to try. You'll find that if you both have interests then your relationship will be stronger, longer lasting and more fulfilling than if one person has a social life and the other wants only to be as a couple.

Take care
Steve

UK Relationships

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Steve Wilson

Expertise

Any questions on families or relationships are welcome. As are any issues or problems that you have with communicating or simply being understood by those around you. I have voluntarily worked as a counselor in the past, both with individuals and families. I cant promise to have an answer to everything but will help as and where I can, without making judgements.

Experience

Both a former telephone counselor with a well known international support organisation and a former police officer within a major UK city. I've helped with numerous issues and worked with individuals and family towards conflict resolution.

Education/Credentials
Bachelor of Arts (Honours). I've received training in family and teenage counselling.

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