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Question
I recently told a female friend of mine that I was interested in her about a month after she broke up with one of my best friends. She told me that she didn't want to make any conflict/ruin friendships and so it wasn't a good idea, she also mentioned she didn't want any relationships. I accepted this we decided just to pretend it never happened, I then find out she has been meeting another friend of ours (not as close) who is 22 years old (we are both 16). And they're all over each other whenever they're together. I want to just move on but I can't help but get angry whenever I see them together, it's made me not even want to speak to her and it seems she's the same with me, it ruins my night out whenever they're together.
What can I do to make us go back to being friends, or at least make it less awkward whenever we're together?

Answer
Hi Jack

I'm not sure there's a great deal that you can do. Let me explain.
I think she has been largely fair here. I know she told you that she wasn't ready for another relationship and then seems to have contradicted that and gone straight into another one.
Perhaps she was simply being kind when what she meant was that she didn't want to have a relationship with you.
Now I know that sounds bad but quite often it can be the case. I have some very close female friends, and some of them I admit are very attractive, but I couldn't consider having a relationship with them, it would just be too strange.
So I suspect that's how she feels about you.
As for getting back to being friends, if that what you really want? If she continues to see this guy and continues to be "all over him" would you actually want to be in their company while that was happening? I expect that the answer is "no", you wouldn't.

If you want my honest advice its that you should use this opportunity to take a break and meet some other people, perhaps even another girlfriend. Maybe send this girl an e-mail / FM message telling her that you're finding everything a bit difficult at the moment and so you want her to know that you haven't fallen out with her, you're just stepping back to get some space to think.

Statistically the chances of a relationship between a 16 year old girl and a 22 year boy lasting is not very high so if you're really keen on this girl then maybe you need to step back and bide your time. But I think , at the moment, being friends is not a realistic option for you, you're too emotionally involved for it to be a genuine friendship.

Thanks
Steve

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Steve Wilson

Expertise

Any questions on families or relationships are welcome. As are any issues or problems that you have with communicating or simply being understood by those around you. I have voluntarily worked as a counselor in the past, both with individuals and families. I cant promise to have an answer to everything but will help as and where I can, without making judgements.

Experience

Both a former telephone counselor with a well known international support organisation and a former police officer within a major UK city. I've helped with numerous issues and worked with individuals and family towards conflict resolution.

Education/Credentials
Bachelor of Arts (Honours). I've received training in family and teenage counselling.

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