UK Relationships/I am in utter shock


I met a man younger than me a few years ago. We had a brief affair that lasted about a week, but after that he kept on talking to me but never visiting me. This has gone on for 3 1/2 years. He kept asking me to marry him, telling me he loved me and that he will come soon. He never showed up. But because of all the promises and his continuous requests to trust him, I kept hanging on. And every time I told him it was over, which was 100's of times, he wouldn't let me leave. He also said that he had problems of his own to work out which added to staying away from me.

It's been 2 days now that he has told me that he is through with me, that it's over. That's not the worst part. He said that I never was his girlfriend in the first place and that he has a wife and a child with one on the way. He said that I am dirt and a whore. He also said that he never loved me, despite telling me every day, that all the crying and begging him to see me was funny. The whole relationship was a lie. He never came to see me in that 3 1/2 years but always promised to and I hung on to that.

Now out of the blue he has dumped me and said such vile things to me that my confidence has gone down and I am in utter shock because I wasn't expecting this to happen.

He was never there for me in the physical when I needed him, but I could speak to him on the phone when he called. I wasn't even allowed his number or email. And in these years he never once bought me a present for xmas, valentines and birthday. He would always make excuses such as he feels stupid buying gifts. But Pete, he would never let me leave and I tried so many times but he always got round me.

He ain't coming, he never was, and I was a joke to him and he laughed about me to his friends. He got me to travel to places to meet him and he was never there and he was laughing because I did go.

I just want my confidence to come back Pete and get over the shock that I am feeling. How do I move on?

Hi Caroline,

I am going to suggest something that I have never done for anyone else on this forum. I so understand the pain you are in and really get how you are feeling right now.

I am happy to type out a long answer here but I really sense that actually talking this through with someone who genuinely cares about you will help. If you go onto mine and my wife's website ( you will see who we are and learn that we run a counselling business. You will be able to see our address and our telephone number. I am happy for you to call me, but if you would like to e-mail me from this page on the site ( and include your number, I will call you. I will speak to you completely for free and help you understand exactly why you feel like you do and let you know there is huge hope for you.

And Caroline - I will totally understand if that is something you don't want - just let me know if that is the case here and I will answer your question as best I can in the usual way of this great forum. Looking forward to hearing from you.

With love

UK Relationships

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Pete Uglow


Marriage, relationship, divorce, infidelity, cheating, surviving an affair, individual counselling, couples counselling, coaching, life-coaching, parenting.


Together with my wife Nikki, I run Real Love UK, the only fully certified Real Love coaching organisation outside the US - also the only Real Love coaching organisation anywhere in the world that specialises in healing the pain of marital infidelity and relationship breakdown - anger, addictions, depression, break down of trust, lack of intimacy - in fact any relationship issue.

10 Steps to Help Your Marriage Survive an Affair - An Introduction to the Amazing Power of Real Love. (Nov 2012)

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