UK Relationships/Is this guy coming back?


I'm 25, and about 6 months ago I met a 36 year old man.  I'd recently been hurt so was reluctant to get involved, but he went out of his way to sweep me off my feet, very quickly saying he wanted to be with me for the rest of his life and buying me tickets for the first date to Miami, where he was at the time based (he moves around a lot with his work.)  He told all his family and friends about me straight away and I've been in contact with all of them.

The first date was a magical 6 days, but then when he came to visit me where I live, I could tell something was different.  4 days in, he suddenly said he wanted to be friends.  I was devastated, and he kept saying how very sorry he was, but due to the pain caused by his divorce 5 years ago (he hasn't had any sort of relationship since then) he had issues that he needed to sort out before he could commit to a relationship, and wanted to seek counselling and didn't feel he could heal whilst being "responsible" for someone else.

However, when I actually questioned him on what "being friends" entailed, it seemed to mean all of the same things we did as a couple- except giving both of us the freedom to see other people (monogamy is not a big deal for me anyway) and spending less time on Skype when we're apart.  I made the decision that I didn't want to have sex with him outside the context of a relationship and he was fine with that.  It seems like apart from that, just the label has changed, but for me, I feel so much more insecure.  I'm so afraid of losing him for good- our goals in life, our interests, our approaches and our values are so aligned that I really believe he is the one.

He spent the rest of the time he was here with me, and made me feel totally loved and cherished.  It's my birthday today and I've just received a beautiful bouquet of flowers from him.

He has also said he wants to support me whilst I'm doing a University course next year.

My emotions are all over the place at the minute- one minute he's saying to me "don't get your hopes up, I love you but I'm not sure I'll ever be ready for a relationship" or telling me to move on and see other people, which makes me tearful and depressed...but then he does all these nice things for me.

If what this guy is saying- that he needs to sort his head out with a professional before being ready to commit himself- is true, I really don't mind waiting, and in all honesty it's going to be a long time before I can trust anyone again anyway, but I'm just wondering whether believing that this guy might be ready to call me his girlfriend ever again is delusional?

sounds like he's stringing u along,also if he's in another state how u know that he is not involve with someone already? also why didn't he be upfront in first place,sounds fishy to me that he says Until he seek counseling cause why hasn't he already,he is just not committed material so i wouldn't let him shower me with benefits and string me alone while he works on his issues and emotions,these kind is players at heart,give a lady what she wants to trap her as friends with benefits.there's no promise in this delusion,move on;Repeat after me: If a man tells you that he isn’t interested in a relationship, then he is not the man for you. Honeycakes, you need to know that every man you meet is not relationship material.Many women feel they can change a man over time. Can you believe in this day and age, there are women who still think this is possible?.” Then they start telling u their stories. u listen, just hoping they’re not going to say those words I truly hate to hear women say: “But I love him. I really want to make this work.” Or, “I think he can change. He just needs someone like me in his life.”
Right. Just like you need another hole in your head.Not all men are relationship material. Many of them are not quite ready to settle down. They’re perfectly content being bachelors. But you are ready to settle down in a relationship. However, the men you meet, well, you either settle, or you throw your hands up and give up. And during that phase of getting to know one another, there are some things that are just not adding up.

I’m going to do you a favor and break it down so that you will be able to identify a man who isn’t worth your time.If a man tells you that he isn’t interested in being in a relationship, then guess what? That means not with you, either. I don’t care how many times he has taken you out on a date, sexed you really well, and given you late night conversation. True, his actions are saying something totally different, but, if he says he is not interested in a relationship, then he is not interested. Let him go. Don’t get your hopes up thinking you can change his mind. Because the truth of the matter is, everything he is doing with you, and all the time he may be spending with you, he’s doing the same with other women. They are getting equal amounts of his time.

Let him go and move on. It will save you untold time and aggravation trying to figure out why the two of you are not a couple.If a man tells you that he just came out of a relationship, ladies, then you’d better believe he isn’t ready to jump into another one. Let him have his time to grieve, mourn, or celebrate his way out of his situation. Trying to get someone to commit into another relationship when they just came out of one is a disaster waiting to happen. But some women will try to convince that man that they are not like the ex-girlfriend who did him wrong. She will not nag him like his ex, and unlike his last girlfriend, she won’t require a lot of time and attention.

Lies, pure lies, I tell you. Think about the amount of time you needed to get over your last serious ex. If you don’t allow him the time to heal and let go of his ex, she will show up in your relationship with him. Trust me.If a man isn’t willing to define the relationship he has with you, then you’re not in a relationship. If every time you bring up the subject, his response is, “You’re cool,” “We’re just hanging out,” or “Why do we have to define this?” this man is clearly not the one for you. He cannot be honest or open enough to express how he feels for you. Why would you sit around waiting on a little boy? Only a small child cannot clearly articulate their feelings. The man for you will not hesitate or clam up when it’s time to share his feelings and emotions. He will certainly be able to express if he is into you, and that you are his one and only lady.6 months not enought time to give ur whole heart to someone u barely know,other then the great gifts that's all i can see he's good for but where's the love? whatever you do don't lay with him cause he will go awol on the red flags;[ I love you but I'm not sure I'll ever be ready for a relationship" or telling me to move on and see other people, which makes me tearful and depressed...but then he does all these nice things for me.honey when a man invites u to move on,its clear he is not into you like u is with him;don't let this stop u from seeking ur mr right he's just not the one for you.Introduces you as his friend
Really? To tel you the truth, if a guy I’d been dating introduced me as his friend, I’m afraid I’d be a little bit peeved. You both might be having different ideas on where your relationship stands.Talks about the future, but his plans are all about him
Hearing a lot of ‘I’ statements coming from your guy generally mean he’s not thinking that you are going to be around in the future. feel free to follow up with me for more advice,i am here to help just let me know if u need advice how to get over him and this affair,feel free to rate me if i have helped in anyway,God bless i am praying for you  

UK Relationships

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts




any questions,concerns,issues,advice from relationships,family,friends, common sense approach to couples counseling, men and women are intrinsically different and the key to solving relationship issues lies in understanding and honoring those differences and I am here to counsel and grant reconciliation,understanding and hope, spiritual wisdom and healing.Anything dealing with relationships i am here to help.Types of problems such as divorce, separation, death; post-traumatic stress after experiences like rape, theft, auto accident; life changing experiences such as illness, loss of job, moving; important decisions such as ending a relationship or abortion; and sexual difficulties,cheating,depression,how to express yourself. questions on love, romance, dating, and infidelity;Breaking up can be difficult. Have you wondered how to get out of a relationship or how to stop dating someone?get the rules for breaking up and find out what you can do (and not do) to make things easier for both parties.Have you become friends with someone you were in love with in the hopes they would one day see you as more than a friend? Or do you want to be more than just friends with somone you know now? If you've ever been trapped in 'the freind zone' -- or are in it now ,let's talk about it/ When should you have sex in a new relationship? What does a man think when you have sex with him right away? Can sex on a first date ever work out? When someone who makes our heart beat faster comes within a one mile radius of us, most of us feel anything but cool…. So what do you do? Get invaluable tips from relationship advice on what to do when you feel shy and unable to approach the one you want.


I have been teaching men and women how to find the satisfaction they seek in relationships for more than 25 years,presents a new framework for looking at people problems which expands the range of possibilities for change. my active approach provides help in solving seemingly insoluble relationship problems in a timely way.I view psychotherapy as a respectful partnership. My style is "active" rather than "silent", as I believe people can evaluate and choose the ideas that are useful for themselves. Knowledge and experience with a wide range of approaches enables me to be flexible in tailoring my approach to fit the needs of each particular person. The therapy relationship provides a safe laboratory for experimenting with new ways of relating.My special interest and expertise is in working with people on achieving more satisfying relationships. Through identifying patterns of handling conflict and developing strategies for change, any relationship can improve: at work, with a spouse, with family members, as well as difficulties in establishing a close, intimate relationship. Individuals, couples and/or families can do this relationship work.I have voluntarily worked as a counselor in the past, both with individuals and families. counsel for my church

Doctorate (Combined Program in Counseling Psychology & School Psychology) Dissertation Topic: School Violence Prevention Masters of Science and Specialist in Education (Counseling and Human Services) Spirituality and Care of the Soul in Psychotherapy

I hold advanced degrees in Counseling (PHD) and Education (MS). achieved a minor in music while also completing a dual major in Psychology and Education (BA). It means i have been trained to the highest possible level by the most experienced professionals in education and mental health care. It means i can help you — safely and professionally — unlock your full potential.I've dedicated my life study to finding the best ways to help other people. I have a sincere desire to open up your world, remove blocks, and unlock hidden potential.Doctorate (Combined Program in Counseling Psychology & School Psychology) Masters of Science and Specialist in Education (Counseling and Human Services) Dual Major in Psychology and Education with Minor in Music (Piano Addictions, Impulse Control and Eating Disorders, MDD, Bipolar Disorders, ADHD, and Co-morbid Disorders, and PTSD.

Awards and Honors
•Resolving Family Conflict: Innovations, Initiatives and Advanced Skills •Self-Injurious Behavior: Assessment, Treatment and the Recovery Process •Art Therapy and Anxiety: Healing Through Imagery •Turning Bullies Into Buddies: A Quick, Powerful and Fun Way to Teach Kids How to Stop Being Victims •The Truth About Children and Divorce, Anxiety Disorders: Research, Diagnosis and Treatment •Crisis Debriefing for Youths and Adults: Effective Techniques to Help Survivors of Crises •Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy: The Basics of Helping People Get Better •Autism: “Building Bridges from Isolation to Interaction”, Multiple Perspectives on Children’s Learning, Behavior, and Development •Ethics and Laws for the Helping Professional, Preventing Medical Errors for Mental Health Professionals, Domestic Violence Update

Past/Present Clients
Attended the following for licensure requirements: •California Psychology Law and Ethics Update and Review •Child Abuse •Human Sexuality •Chemical Dependency

©2016 All rights reserved.