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QUESTION: Hi Matthew, Hope you are doing well. Sorry for this lengthy mail.
I have this friend name David (name changed). We both are in our early 30s. We have been living together on a rented house for the past 1and half year.
Though I knew him casually since I worked with him for the same firm only for 6 months then in 2006. After that we were in touch very formally with each other. we used to talk or meet rarely. In 2010 i moved to another city. It was challenging for me to take roots in a new city.
Between 2010-2014 I had been through a lot of shit like, not having a good job, relationship problem with my partner, dealing with break up, shifting with a friend who was a patient of depression and having hard time living with her.
I was living with same depressed girl when David came to the same city to work with a start up company and was living on company's expanse. He started being in touch with me. Somehow the company didn't do well and he had to go back (Which i did not know then). He called me up and said "Can I live with you since i feel very lonely in hotel room. Though company is going to provide me a house but it will take some time. Can I live with you for a month". He stayed with me for two months and didn't share rent (I told him not to out of courtesy). Later, I told him that he had to share rent and other expanse if he was going to live anymore in the house. The girl went back to her parents and David and I left to live together.
David did not have to pay brokerage since it was already paid. He agreed to pay deposit but could never arrange and I end up paying the whole deposit. He shifted with empty handed since I have everything that is needed at a home. Time to time his girlfriend kept coming; sometime for a month or two months (he paid her expanse for food). I dont know how did he manage to fulfill her shopping expanse whilst he had no money for deposit. He tried his hand to start his own business with one of his friend with no luck.
Since last year Nov. Dec. Jan. 14 Feb. 14 I am paying his rent. He always says (with a sorry face) that he will arrange but does not talk about the rent even when the due date passes away. He says how thankful he is that I helped him in such a critical situation (which I started hating now). Lately he keeps on falling sick and dont take care of himself at all. He share monthly food and grossery expanse though (Which is not equals to what i pay) . Recently he started doing job again but left after 2 months.
He doesnt take any interest settling the finances on monthly basis.  I am stressed not only about the money he borrowed but also the whole rent I will have to pay. I am worried about his health also. He says he wont do job any more and will start his own business. I also want to live tension free. Sometimes I feel what if I am being used? Sometimes it feels like he is dependent on me. How can I avoid this unnecessary tension building between us without ruining our friendship? Thinking about some other roommate seems like ditching him. Matthew, can you please give me clear perspective about this whole situation and advice as to how to tackle it.

Thanking you in anticipation
Deepak

ANSWER: did u get email i sent

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi Matthew,

I did not get any email from you.

ANSWER: i have no pending questions,i emailed you,

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi Matthew,

I checked again and there is no email. Could you please copy and paste your reply here only?

Thank You!

Answer
i would kindly answer again but please can u shorten it and break it down a lil,main stuff,its 3;50am aboout to go to bed and this is very very lengthy and so much at one time,can u shorten it and i will be sure to answer once i awaken,about to turn in now

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any questions,concerns,issues,advice from relationships,family,friends, common sense approach to couples counseling, men and women are intrinsically different and the key to solving relationship issues lies in understanding and honoring those differences and I am here to counsel and grant reconciliation,understanding and hope, spiritual wisdom and healing.Anything dealing with relationships i am here to help.Types of problems such as divorce, separation, death; post-traumatic stress after experiences like rape, theft, auto accident; life changing experiences such as illness, loss of job, moving; important decisions such as ending a relationship or abortion; and sexual difficulties,cheating,depression,how to express yourself. questions on love, romance, dating, and infidelity;Breaking up can be difficult. Have you wondered how to get out of a relationship or how to stop dating someone?get the rules for breaking up and find out what you can do (and not do) to make things easier for both parties.Have you become friends with someone you were in love with in the hopes they would one day see you as more than a friend? Or do you want to be more than just friends with somone you know now? If you've ever been trapped in 'the freind zone' -- or are in it now ,let's talk about it/ When should you have sex in a new relationship? What does a man think when you have sex with him right away? Can sex on a first date ever work out? When someone who makes our heart beat faster comes within a one mile radius of us, most of us feel anything but cool…. So what do you do? Get invaluable tips from relationship advice on what to do when you feel shy and unable to approach the one you want.

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I have been teaching men and women how to find the satisfaction they seek in relationships for more than 25 years,presents a new framework for looking at people problems which expands the range of possibilities for change. my active approach provides help in solving seemingly insoluble relationship problems in a timely way.I view psychotherapy as a respectful partnership. My style is "active" rather than "silent", as I believe people can evaluate and choose the ideas that are useful for themselves. Knowledge and experience with a wide range of approaches enables me to be flexible in tailoring my approach to fit the needs of each particular person. The therapy relationship provides a safe laboratory for experimenting with new ways of relating.My special interest and expertise is in working with people on achieving more satisfying relationships. Through identifying patterns of handling conflict and developing strategies for change, any relationship can improve: at work, with a spouse, with family members, as well as difficulties in establishing a close, intimate relationship. Individuals, couples and/or families can do this relationship work.I have voluntarily worked as a counselor in the past, both with individuals and families. counsel for my church

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Doctorate (Combined Program in Counseling Psychology & School Psychology) Dissertation Topic: School Violence Prevention Masters of Science and Specialist in Education (Counseling and Human Services) Spirituality and Care of the Soul in Psychotherapy

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I hold advanced degrees in Counseling (PHD) and Education (MS). achieved a minor in music while also completing a dual major in Psychology and Education (BA). It means i have been trained to the highest possible level by the most experienced professionals in education and mental health care. It means i can help you — safely and professionally — unlock your full potential.I've dedicated my life study to finding the best ways to help other people. I have a sincere desire to open up your world, remove blocks, and unlock hidden potential.Doctorate (Combined Program in Counseling Psychology & School Psychology) Masters of Science and Specialist in Education (Counseling and Human Services) Dual Major in Psychology and Education with Minor in Music (Piano Addictions, Impulse Control and Eating Disorders, MDD, Bipolar Disorders, ADHD, and Co-morbid Disorders, and PTSD.

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•Resolving Family Conflict: Innovations, Initiatives and Advanced Skills •Self-Injurious Behavior: Assessment, Treatment and the Recovery Process •Art Therapy and Anxiety: Healing Through Imagery •Turning Bullies Into Buddies: A Quick, Powerful and Fun Way to Teach Kids How to Stop Being Victims •The Truth About Children and Divorce, Anxiety Disorders: Research, Diagnosis and Treatment •Crisis Debriefing for Youths and Adults: Effective Techniques to Help Survivors of Crises •Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy: The Basics of Helping People Get Better •Autism: “Building Bridges from Isolation to Interaction”, Multiple Perspectives on Children’s Learning, Behavior, and Development •Ethics and Laws for the Helping Professional, Preventing Medical Errors for Mental Health Professionals, Domestic Violence Update

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Attended the following for licensure requirements: •California Psychology Law and Ethics Update and Review •Child Abuse •Human Sexuality •Chemical Dependency

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