UK Relationships/Teen relationship
I have been with the same girl for over a year now and we are both 17. We have been having lots of difficulties for a while now and I'm wondering if it's time to break it off. I really just need some advice about things because I'm honestly not sure if I'm the one causing the troubles or she is. Not long ago we broke up and got back together again. On the night after we got back together we decided we wanted to spend the whole weekend together. She had to go to work the next day and she told me to pick her up afterwards. When she was about half an hour away from finishing she called me and told me that she had already made plans earlier that week with her friend to go to this carnival. She insisted she had to go because her friend recently broke up with her boyfriend. He was going and she really wanted to go. She said that we could hang out the whole of the next day. The next day however she didn't call or text me once and I didn't hear from her until the day after. She didn't even apologise for what she did and just acted like nothing was wrong. When I confronted her about it all she did was get angry at me, saying that I didn't reply to a text that she apparently sent me, which as far as I'm aware she didn't. To top things off, She told me that she slept in her friends car but today I was made aware of the fact that she didn't and that she stayed at another guys house. I'm pretty certain that she didn't sleep with him or anything and that isn't the issue that I'm worried about. Can you give me some advice about what to do in this situation. She has lied to me and done similar things to this on more then one occasion. I'm not sure if I should just try to move on at this point because that's where I'm leaning towards. Thank you!
life is short,she's not committed material and using u and playing games,u two keep breaking up and getting back together as a habit and its unhealthy.People will treat you how u allow them to treat you;sounds like drama and heartache.Funny as it may be, most of the times, we aren’t even aware we need to move on from a relationship until it becomes evident. Some of us logically know we should move on – yet we linger on anyway.no contact rule and stop wasting ur time cause u will not change and u will miss out on someone who will respect u.•The truth hurts. Sometimes the truth is more than we can take. So to make things easier, we continue to live in our false reality. Some of my friends keep returning to ex-es who treated them badly or cheated on them in the past. They feel it’s much easier to believe in the faith of their ex-es than admit to themselves that their boyfriends don’t treasure their relationship that much.
•The other party is giving ambiguous, misleading signals. In the end, some of us choose to linger around, hoping it’ll eventually lead to a positive place. The fear of being alone drives us to cling on even when all seems lost.
•We are afraid of what’s next if we let go / move on. Having grown comfortable in the relationship, we are afraid of the change that will ensue if we break away from it. What’s going to happen to me? How will my life change? But I’m already so comfortable with him/her! Will I be able to adapt to this new life?No matter what the reason is, avoidance never brings us anywhere in the long-term. It’s better to identify when a relationship is going nowhere so we can address it accordingly, rather than cling onto it in blind hopes that things will change. If we hold on to relationships that are not meant to be, we can never attract new things into our life. We will forever be living in the past than moving forward into the future.Do you replay the happy moments of the relationship to make you feel good about it? Do you use them as reasons to continue on with him/her? If so, it’s a sign your current relationship isn’t how you want it to be. I realized the more we live in the past memories and/or a self-created future, the more we are living in a self-created reality. This is dangerous since it’s not reflective of the actual state of the relationship.
. Past memories should remain as memories and not as a reason to stay together. Your decision on whether to stay with the person should be based on your current feelings for him/her, the actual state of the relationship and the future you see with him/her.
When the relationship brings you more pain than joy.
Sometimes, we tend to be blinded by the past happy moments of the relationship. To the extent we forget about all the unhappiness it brings us. If your relationship leaves you frustrated/upset/unhappy more often than not; If your relationship is leaving you in tears every so often, perhaps this might not be the right person for you. The relationship you are in now should be one which brings you happiness now. Just like #1, if the main source of happiness of your relationship is from past memories, something is amiss.free yourself;
. If you are staying on / getting into the relationship expecting the person to change, you are in this for the wrong reason. You will never be fully satisfied with how he/she is. In the end, he/she will just end up being your shadow.
Whenever we experience a situation we’re uncomfortable about, we experience cognitive dissonance. It refers to the discomfort from being faced with something that conflicts against our beliefs. When this happens, we try to come up with explanations, justifications so we can feel good about the situation.
This if we feel the need to justify an action, that means we are uncomfortable with the action itself and we want to explain away the discomfort. The danger behind this is that the explanations are self-created and may or may not be true. If you are repeatedly justifying his/her actions, the relationship becomes built on your rationalizations, rather than the reality. Likelihood is that you are living in your world of false assurances rather than the truth.
Physical and verbal abuse are definite no-no’s. There is clearly something wrong if the other party abuses/hits/curses/swears at you, no matter how he/she tries to make up for it later. Even if it may be the spur of the moment, the fact that he/she lets slip in that moment shows there is something deep inside him/her that needs addressing.Emotional hurt is trickier. A lot of people negate emotional hurt because it’s not visible. Ignore it, and it’s not there. But emotional hurt is hurt all the same, if not worse. The wounds that are hardest to heal are the emotional ones, not the physical ones.
. If the same thing happens even after you have made efforts to address it, you need to reevaluate the relationship. If he/she can’t care for you properly, he/she might not be the right person for you.Once might be a coincidence. Twice, you might want to give another chance. But 3 times is a clear sign something is wrong. I finally realized nothing was coming out from the relationship between G and I after our loop played out the third time. Each time, I did what I could to make it work out, but it always stopped at the same end. It was more than enough evidence that this was the end.
Do you find yourself in replay mode in your relationship? Do you keep landing in the same situation, the same scenario, the same outcome, time and again, no matter what you do? If so, perhaps you need to accept this is the furthest the relationship can get to. You can keep pressing on, but it’s a matter of time before it sinks in that there’s nothing further to go. This is the end of the road. There is a future for you and him/her, and this relationship isn’t the route to that future.
When he/she puts little to no effort in the relationship.
Every relationship requires effort by the duo. The same applies for familial bonds, friendships, mentorships and most definitely love. Both of you have to commit to the relationship together. If you are constantly the one putting in more effort, sooner than later it’ll drain you. You have to give more and more just to keep the relationship afloat. Unless this imbalance is addressed, it will only become bigger and bigger over time. Soon you sink your whole self into it, losing your self identity in the process.
When you see relationships where one is investing way more effort than the other, they are usually headed to doomsville. Some of my friends were in such situations. They invested themselves into their relationships and poured in their hearts and souls. Their partners, on the other hand, only put in a fraction of that. They barely cared – it seemed as if the relationship was just a nice add-on to their lives, rather than something they really valued. Soon, said partners began drifting away. My friends kept giving more and more, hoping they could salvage the situation. This only slowed down breaking off process but didn’t prevent it.
, if your core values are fundamentally different, it doesn’t matter even if everything else is same. The journey to keep the relationship together will only become an uphill battle. It’s just like trying to hold the soil of the ground together in a heavy rain. Without the roots of the tree to hold this soil together, everything will just slip away against your best efforts.
I believe the most important thing in life is to first be true to ourselves. While conformance has its merits, it should never be done at the expense of our own growth or our values. Compromising on your personal values just to keep a friendship afloat will ultimately only make you miserable. What’s worse, because your true self is repressed, you start to wrap your identity around the friendship. This was what happened to K, which was why we had to let go of the relationship partly so he could grow into his own. You need to first be true to who you are before any meaningful relationship can be formed.
When the relationship holds you back, hence preventing both of you from growing as individuals.
A relationship is ultimately a third entity formed due to two individuals. Every relationship evolves based on how both parties are growing. Sometimes both parties grow at the same pace. There are times where the relationship is one of stagnancy, where both parties don’t grow. Then there are times when one outgrows the other, by a large margin.
When this happens, you have two options (i) change the dynamics of the relationship to fit this new development, or change yourself to maintain the same dynamics. As I shared above, it’s most important to first be true to ourselves. Determine who you are and who you want to be, then decide if this relationship is one that is compatible with you. A relationship that hinders you from growing into your own isn’t the best one for you. On top of that, if you are not able to grow into your own, chances are your partner is facing a similar blockage as well. A real relationship should be one that enables you in your personal life journey, so you can then enable your partner in his/her life journeys as well.
When you stay on, expecting things to get better.
This is similar to #1, except it pertains to the future. Just like how you don’t live in the past, you don’t live in the future. You can hope that the future will be better, but the fact is you live now. If the only thing that’s making you hold on is the hope of a better future, the relationship isn’t exactly built on solid grounds. The future you wish for is one of the many possibilities that can occur, a possibility that may never come to reality. It’s dangerous to base the fate of the relationship on something that might not occur. A building built on a shaky foundation will crash to an unsightly end when the foundation gives way.
When neither of you feel the same way about each other.
Things change. People change. If the feelings are no longer there, it’s time to move on. Some of you might linger on in a relationship even though the feelings are gone. Perhaps it has become part of your routine and you don’t know what to do once you break away. Some of you continue on because the relationship still serves certain functional purposes, such as companionship.
Yet, a relationship without the mutual feelings is like a body without a heart. There’s no soul or life in it. If you no longer have feelings for the other party, staying on is doing the other person an injustice. More importantly, it’s doing you a huge injustice. It’s best for him/her and you to part ways so you can move to better places.
If the other person doesn’t have feelings for you anymore, holding on to him/her only drags out the misery. Realize that “True love doesn’t have a happy ending, because true love never ends. Letting go is one way of saying I love you.” Just because you love the person doesn’t mean you have to be with the person. True love exists outside of the physical fabric of a relationship. This is just a form of expression of love, but in no way is the single definition of love.
There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.I pray that if i have helped,let me know and feel free to rate me,Goood luck bro and peace be unto u