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UK Relationships/Dealing with my depression and relationships


I feel as if I need to give a brief background of myself before I go into explaining my problem. Im sorry if it seems long winded.
I am currently 24 and never really had any friends. All through out school I was bullied and teased. My escape from this was to play sports and spend time with my grandfather. When I was 15 I lost my grandfather to cancer. The bullying continued and I slipped into depression. I still play sports to this day but when the season finishes I struggle. I tried speaking to one of my few "friends" about how I feel but his response was I was to grow a pair. This hurt as I had over the years tried to help him with problems and advice. I have never really talked about it to anyone since.
This year at work a new girl started. I got on with her straight away and developed a crush for her. I've had crushes before but never said anything and let them pass. But I found out she has a boyfriend and has two kids to him. As well as previously being married but cheating with her current boyfriend. This put me off her but she continues to flirt with me and I do, do it back also. The crush them came back.
She has noticed how down I get at times as I try to hide a conceal how I'm feeling. She says she considers me a good friend and can tell her any thing if I need to talk to someone. I do want to talk to her about it but I'm afraid due to the last time I opened up. I also want to tell her how I feel about her but at the same time don't want to attempt to break a relationship up or lose a friend. If not how do I forgot the feelings for her. What should I do?

let her know ur feelings for her,u never know! don't allow ur past to shut u down.There are many different reasons that we may endeavor to hide, or disguise, the emotional pain that comes in the wake of negative beliefs about ourselves evoked by a particular person or situation. But what they have in common is that they're all fear-induced.

Perhaps paramount among our tendencies to conceal our emotional fragility from others is the fear that exposing it would make us look weak to them--and, indeed, make us feel weak and powerless ourselves. We assume that frankly disclosing our hurt feelings would betray our susceptibility to them--and thus define ourselves as "one down" in the relationship, with all that might imply about placing them in a position to exploit us, or take advantage of us. It's as though in "exhibiting" our hurt we're forfeiting our personal power, relinquishing it to them to use over us in any way they deem fit.
There are probably some sexual differences here, too. Men, for example, are especially likely to avoid divulging wounded feelings for fear that doing so will compromise their felt sense of masculinity. And in fact they may have been made fun of as children for whimpering, weeping, or wailing. I've worked with many male clients who've talked about how they were tagged "sissies," "wimps"--even (horrors!) "girlies"--when in growing up they weren't able to suppress their softer, more tender emotions. In such cases, it becomes a matter of personal pride not to let others know they have within them a "soft underbelly" quite susceptible to others' words and actions. To them, keeping a stiff upper lip, and under no circumstances exposing their tender side, attests to their fortitude, "backbone"--an essential masculine strength.
And then there's the fear that fully releasing our emotional pain might make us look ridiculous, or in some way abnormal. What if others don't--or can't--understand why we're in such pain, or grasp its magnitude? Will we not look foolish to have unconstrainedly let out our feelings? At the very least we might feel awkward and embarrassed, concerned that our uninhibited "emoting" might lead others to take us less seriously than they might have otherwise. We certainly don't want to be perceived as overreactive, and so have our feelings discounted or dismissed.

The bottom line here is that we don't trust that others (or our "significant" other) will--by responding to our open-heartedness in caring, supportive ways--safeguard or validate our vulnerability. Additionally, we may not trust ourselves to successfully cope with their response, whatever it is. And, assuming we're in self-protective mode, we're certainly not going to offer them the opportunity to make us feel any worse than we may already be feeling.

Consequently, if we truly want to make others more attuned to our vulnerable feelings, we need to manifest them physically and express them verbally. Finally, we can’t much blame others for their insensitivity toward us. Their level of sensitivity is simply where they are right now. And so, ultimately, it’s our responsibility to assist them in becoming more aware of and responsive to our feelings. Unless we’re willing to go out on an emotional limb and reveal our vulnerability, they may never be able to cultivate the empathy and support we crave from them. Undoubtedly, if we want them to make every effort to better comprehend where we’re especially raw and tender, they need our feedback and guidance far more than they do our silence and emotional withdrawal.

Still, unless we’re able to develop the ability to self-soothe and self-validate (again, see my “The Power to be Vulnerable”) in the absence of external reassurance or comforting, it’s probably not going to be tenable for us, unabashedly, to discharge our feelings. It’s absolutely key that we not so much grow a thicker skin (though this might definitely help!) but become determined and resolute enough to hold our emotional ground--confident that we have within us what can make it safe to express hurtful feelings. For (1) they’re an essential part of who we are, (2) letting them out really can’t victimize us unless we let ourselves be at the effect of another’s reactions, and (3) we’re now able to regard our feelings as valid, independent of anyone else’s response.

If you are looking to build a romantic friendship with a girl but you don't know how to get the ball rolling, here are a few pointers that may help you break the ice. Keep showing her attention. If this is a fleeting encounter and will be your only chance to show her your feelings, flirt a little more than you would normally.

   If you're with your friends, ask her if she wants to hang out with your friends. If she's busy, ask her if she wants to hang out later. This would be a perfect time to get her number.
   Break the touch barrier. While you're talking with her, touch her gently on the hand, the arm, or the shoulder. These are all safe places to touch a girl, provided she knows you. If you do it right and she likes you, it'll send a shiver down her spine.
   Be a little playful with her. If you're friends, tease her gently (making sure she knows you're joking!) or offer to give her a piggy-back ride. Don't be needy, but don't be scared either!

You could ask her on a formal date if you like your chances. You can really wow her on a nice date.
   Act confident and be yourself. Confidence is key, and a personality is a must.
   Learn to take a hint. Some girls just won't like you, and that's life. If you really annoy her, just go away and don't make it worse.
   Be brave and let her know how you feel about her - holding back usually leads to regret and a wasted opportunity. If you never ask you will never know. Facing rejection is not the end of the world and it will make you a stronger person.
   If you become good friends with her friends, chances are she'll end up liking you faster!
   Do not be too "gushy," especially at first, it can be a little overpowering. Try also not to be needy.
   Expect the best but be prepared for the worst. Don't be glum when you ask her, but don't be an over-excited little bouncy puppy with no perspective.
   Be kind to the girl you like, don't rush the relationship and enjoy the person you like.
   Always trust what your gut is saying, not your mind. If you don't feel confident enough to approach her, don't. If you really want to meet her, then wtf. Go!
happy Easter,hope this helps

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I have been teaching men and women how to find the satisfaction they seek in relationships for more than 25 years,presents a new framework for looking at people problems which expands the range of possibilities for change. my active approach provides help in solving seemingly insoluble relationship problems in a timely way.I view psychotherapy as a respectful partnership. My style is "active" rather than "silent", as I believe people can evaluate and choose the ideas that are useful for themselves. Knowledge and experience with a wide range of approaches enables me to be flexible in tailoring my approach to fit the needs of each particular person. The therapy relationship provides a safe laboratory for experimenting with new ways of relating.My special interest and expertise is in working with people on achieving more satisfying relationships. Through identifying patterns of handling conflict and developing strategies for change, any relationship can improve: at work, with a spouse, with family members, as well as difficulties in establishing a close, intimate relationship. Individuals, couples and/or families can do this relationship work.I have voluntarily worked as a counselor in the past, both with individuals and families. counsel for my church

Doctorate (Combined Program in Counseling Psychology & School Psychology) Dissertation Topic: School Violence Prevention Masters of Science and Specialist in Education (Counseling and Human Services) Spirituality and Care of the Soul in Psychotherapy

I hold advanced degrees in Counseling (PHD) and Education (MS). achieved a minor in music while also completing a dual major in Psychology and Education (BA). It means i have been trained to the highest possible level by the most experienced professionals in education and mental health care. It means i can help you — safely and professionally — unlock your full potential.I've dedicated my life study to finding the best ways to help other people. I have a sincere desire to open up your world, remove blocks, and unlock hidden potential.Doctorate (Combined Program in Counseling Psychology & School Psychology) Masters of Science and Specialist in Education (Counseling and Human Services) Dual Major in Psychology and Education with Minor in Music (Piano Addictions, Impulse Control and Eating Disorders, MDD, Bipolar Disorders, ADHD, and Co-morbid Disorders, and PTSD.

Awards and Honors
•Resolving Family Conflict: Innovations, Initiatives and Advanced Skills •Self-Injurious Behavior: Assessment, Treatment and the Recovery Process •Art Therapy and Anxiety: Healing Through Imagery •Turning Bullies Into Buddies: A Quick, Powerful and Fun Way to Teach Kids How to Stop Being Victims •The Truth About Children and Divorce, Anxiety Disorders: Research, Diagnosis and Treatment •Crisis Debriefing for Youths and Adults: Effective Techniques to Help Survivors of Crises •Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy: The Basics of Helping People Get Better •Autism: “Building Bridges from Isolation to Interaction”, Multiple Perspectives on Children’s Learning, Behavior, and Development •Ethics and Laws for the Helping Professional, Preventing Medical Errors for Mental Health Professionals, Domestic Violence Update

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Attended the following for licensure requirements: •California Psychology Law and Ethics Update and Review •Child Abuse •Human Sexuality •Chemical Dependency

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