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Hi
I rescently found out via my wifes facebook messanger that she has been flirting and had a drunken night with a family friend. He is her best friend's husbands friend and has been around since before I was on the scene but only as a friend or so I thought. He is engaged to be married and has a child. My wife doesn't know that I know what's been happening. Things in our marriage have not been great for a while. This incident made me change my behaviour and become more attentive and loving towards her. This was enough for her to break off all flirting with him and she has told him that she wants to concentrate on her family. Problem now is that when we meet up with our kids, he will be there and I don't want to be taken for a fool in an awkward situation. Should I confess to my wife that I knew about the affair or just Put on a brave face when he is around? My wife's friends occasionally meet up and I cannot go as I look after our kids ao she can go out. Should I stop her from going in future? I don't want to sound like a kill joy but I'm uncomfortable with my wife being alone with him. Thanks

Answer
jeremiah 29;11
jeremiah 29;11  
never trust them together alone.man up and let her know u knew and they must stop this affair and flirting.1 Peter 3:7 where it instructs us to dwell with my wife in understanding. Your fear comes from an incomplete understanding of why your wife had an affair and how you could have overcome it to restore your love for each other (and save your marriage). I'll give you a few basic concepts that will guard you against affairs in future relationships.

We marry because we are in love, and we fall in love with those who meet our most important emotional needs. When the one we marry stops meeting those needs, we become vulnerable to others who are willing and able to meet them. If we let someone else meet our needs, we fall in love with that person, and an affair is off and running.  spouses must identify and meet each other's most important needs to prevent emotional attachments to others. They must also be honest with each other about needs they feel are not being met, and they must let each other know when they are attracted to someone else. If a spouse's needs are not met in marriage, and he or she is not honest about their feelings toward someone who meets those needs, an affair is likely to take place. Once an affair begins, it is like an addiction. The same emotional attachment that drew you and your spouse into marriage is now directed to someone else. When your spouse is having an affair, she is as attached to her lover as she was when she first married to you. If she tries to leave her lover, she will experience many of the same withdrawal symptoms that people have when they try to stop using addicting drugs -- intense feelings of anxiety and depression.

Most people who have affairs are so depressed they feel like committing suicide. They cannot imagine leaving their lovers, nor can they imagine leaving their families. They see no hope. They know they are causing their spouse and children unbearable pain, yet they cannot stop the affair. They try to rationalize by thinking that their spouse and children will do just fine, but deep down they know that their pleasure is destroying the lives of the ones they love, so suicide is considered as a way out of the mess they're in....The simplest and most direct solution to affairs is to force an end to all contact with the lover for life, and for the spouse to meet the emotional needs that the lover met. Some of my clients have done just that, and spared themselves untold agony. Many leave the state as the only sure way to avoid contact. That plan would also work for alcohol and drug addiction if there were drug and alcohol free states, but there are none. The availability of addicting substances is everywhere, which makes the temptation too great for most addicts to overcome.

But what do you do when your spouse won't leave her lover? What if she won't move to another state? I have recommended two approaches to this problem.I will leave you with another important point. I've already expressed my conviction that after an affair is over, there should be no contact between a spouse and his or her lover. But there is a related issue that is often ignored. When you marry, neither you nor your spouse should have any contact with any of your previous lovers. Anyone that you've ever loved is a temptation for you, and has the potential of re-igniting your feelings of love. There is no situation, no marriage, too difficult for God.

Let your wife know you want to work on the marriage, but she must choose. You love her and are willing to stand by her, but she must choose between her marriage and this other man.

If your wife decides to stay, you will need to give the situation some time to heal. She has transferred her emotions to someone else so she does not want to emotionally connect with you right now. This is extremely painful, but you must not let your hurt and pride control you. If you explode or do whatever you have done in the past, you will put a nail in your own coffin. That will simply reinforce to your wife the rightness of her thoughts about why she feels no love for you – because you don’t really love her.You must kick into the man of honor you are. God will honor your humility. The key in this situation is to wait it out.

Your wife is numb and won’t be herself for many months. She is caught between two worlds and therefore isn’t living in either one. This will take a ton of patience on your part.

Be Humble, Loving, and Strong

This can be temporary, although to her it feels like the “real thing.” Don’t try to get her to tell you that she loves you. Right now her feelings are telling her otherwise, but feelings change. It is very common for someone who “feels” they are in love with someone else to decide they never loved their spouse in the first place. That’s because she is letting the intense feelings of infatuation rule. Don’t let those words devastate you. Don’t put too much
stock in them. I know it’s painful, but it’s also likely untrue.As you walk in humility and love, two big virtues to a female, she can come around. Right now she is living in a world of fantasy that excited the deepest feelings she has as a woman. To her it is love. She feels love and believes she is going to be loved in a way every woman longs to be loved. However, it isn’t parallel with the fallen world that God has clearly revealed in scripture.

We live in a sinful world where perfect love does not exist. Once she awakens to this, she’ll slowly move back to you, given you are the humble and loving, yet strong, very strong man of God that you are called to be.

Don’t Give Up

Yes, this is unfair to you. Yes, this dishonors you. And yes, you are suffering. I don’t minimize any of that!

Regardless, your anger or bitterness won’t bring that point home to your wife any more than she already knows. Seek out a godly wise man who may have gone through a similar situation and get his counsel and support.Can you do this? As a man of honor, I believe you can. Don’t give up. This really can turn around and would happen far more than we hear if people would not quit too soon.

on the other hand bro;Just make sure you balance your empathy for your wife with empathy for YOURSELF… and make sure she’s giving you empathy as well. Her infidelity sure as hell shouldn’t be all about HER feelings and how bad she feels now.. The cheating itself hurts, but the person who she cheated with makes it hurt ...

.First off, I wish you the best of luck and hope you can move on so you can be happy again.

1. If you haven't already, talk to her about it and let her know exactly how you feel. Hopefully she will react honestly and let you know that she is really and truthfully sorry for it. After all, you both married each other for better or worse.
2. If she truly loves you, you'll know.
3. It's going to take time for you to get over the repulsion.
Affairs don’t just happen; there are events that led up to them; warning signs that point them out. Oftentimes spouses choose to ignore the signs, but they are still there. A major sign of an emotional affair is a change in your spouse’s behavior. For example, if your wife stops confiding in you and starts talking about or spending more time with one of her male friends there is the possibility of an emotional affair.

Dealing with your wife’s emotional affair
It is devastating when you discover your wife is having any kind of affair. You ask you self what happened and does she still love you. You wonder what went wrong and why didn’t you see it coming. The truth is women cheat for many reasons. They cheat because:

their needs are not being met emotionally



they don’t feel appreciated



there is a lack of affection ---The last thing you want to do is lose your wife and the good news is that you don’t have to.  If she is willing to work on the relationship, after the affair surfaced, she still loves you.

In the beginning you may feel hurt and confused but those are normal reactions. Now is not the time to play the blame game or point fingers. It’s a time to get your thoughts in order and get you marriage back to a healthy state. It’s time to close the gap in the communication line and rebuild a stronger foundation of trust.  Just like you improve your body by undergoing a fitness program, the same applies to you marriage.  Improve your marriage by undergoing a marriage fitness program.

An affair is an affair whether it’s emotional or physical. The steps you use to fix your emotional affair apply to physical affairs. It does not matter if you are a man or woman, when you discover your spouse is experiencing emotional infidelity, attack the situation not the person. Marriage Fitness Marriage Counseling Alternative Programs may be able to help you get your marriage back in shape. Remember, an  affair does not have to be the end of your marriage.
good luck,God bless u,peace be unto and upon u forevermore,follow up if u wish,feel free to rate me if i have helped in any way,bless ur union  

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any questions,concerns,issues,advice from relationships,family,friends, common sense approach to couples counseling, men and women are intrinsically different and the key to solving relationship issues lies in understanding and honoring those differences and I am here to counsel and grant reconciliation,understanding and hope, spiritual wisdom and healing.Anything dealing with relationships i am here to help.Types of problems such as divorce, separation, death; post-traumatic stress after experiences like rape, theft, auto accident; life changing experiences such as illness, loss of job, moving; important decisions such as ending a relationship or abortion; and sexual difficulties,cheating,depression,how to express yourself. questions on love, romance, dating, and infidelity;Breaking up can be difficult. Have you wondered how to get out of a relationship or how to stop dating someone?get the rules for breaking up and find out what you can do (and not do) to make things easier for both parties.Have you become friends with someone you were in love with in the hopes they would one day see you as more than a friend? Or do you want to be more than just friends with somone you know now? If you've ever been trapped in 'the freind zone' -- or are in it now ,let's talk about it/ When should you have sex in a new relationship? What does a man think when you have sex with him right away? Can sex on a first date ever work out? When someone who makes our heart beat faster comes within a one mile radius of us, most of us feel anything but cool…. So what do you do? Get invaluable tips from relationship advice on what to do when you feel shy and unable to approach the one you want.

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I have been teaching men and women how to find the satisfaction they seek in relationships for more than 25 years,presents a new framework for looking at people problems which expands the range of possibilities for change. my active approach provides help in solving seemingly insoluble relationship problems in a timely way.I view psychotherapy as a respectful partnership. My style is "active" rather than "silent", as I believe people can evaluate and choose the ideas that are useful for themselves. Knowledge and experience with a wide range of approaches enables me to be flexible in tailoring my approach to fit the needs of each particular person. The therapy relationship provides a safe laboratory for experimenting with new ways of relating.My special interest and expertise is in working with people on achieving more satisfying relationships. Through identifying patterns of handling conflict and developing strategies for change, any relationship can improve: at work, with a spouse, with family members, as well as difficulties in establishing a close, intimate relationship. Individuals, couples and/or families can do this relationship work.I have voluntarily worked as a counselor in the past, both with individuals and families. counsel for my church

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Doctorate (Combined Program in Counseling Psychology & School Psychology) Dissertation Topic: School Violence Prevention Masters of Science and Specialist in Education (Counseling and Human Services) Spirituality and Care of the Soul in Psychotherapy

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I hold advanced degrees in Counseling (PHD) and Education (MS). achieved a minor in music while also completing a dual major in Psychology and Education (BA). It means i have been trained to the highest possible level by the most experienced professionals in education and mental health care. It means i can help you — safely and professionally — unlock your full potential.I've dedicated my life study to finding the best ways to help other people. I have a sincere desire to open up your world, remove blocks, and unlock hidden potential.Doctorate (Combined Program in Counseling Psychology & School Psychology) Masters of Science and Specialist in Education (Counseling and Human Services) Dual Major in Psychology and Education with Minor in Music (Piano Addictions, Impulse Control and Eating Disorders, MDD, Bipolar Disorders, ADHD, and Co-morbid Disorders, and PTSD.

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•Resolving Family Conflict: Innovations, Initiatives and Advanced Skills •Self-Injurious Behavior: Assessment, Treatment and the Recovery Process •Art Therapy and Anxiety: Healing Through Imagery •Turning Bullies Into Buddies: A Quick, Powerful and Fun Way to Teach Kids How to Stop Being Victims •The Truth About Children and Divorce, Anxiety Disorders: Research, Diagnosis and Treatment •Crisis Debriefing for Youths and Adults: Effective Techniques to Help Survivors of Crises •Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy: The Basics of Helping People Get Better •Autism: “Building Bridges from Isolation to Interaction”, Multiple Perspectives on Children’s Learning, Behavior, and Development •Ethics and Laws for the Helping Professional, Preventing Medical Errors for Mental Health Professionals, Domestic Violence Update

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Attended the following for licensure requirements: •California Psychology Law and Ethics Update and Review •Child Abuse •Human Sexuality •Chemical Dependency

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