UK Relationships/How to survive this

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Question
Dear Matt,

I'm hoping you can help me with this as I feel I can't survive without this man.

This has taken over my life. I’m a 30 year old registered nurse and in January 2015 I met a 30 year old doctor from a hospital local to me on a dating site. We spoke online and via the phone/text/messengers and got on really well. Probably more than well. We’d both stay awake all night talking and compromise our work life by being tired….however I was energised by the first flushes of being in love. Although I had a lot of attention from men previously and was asked out a lot I had been single for years as usually dates left me numb, bored, and unattracted.

I have suffered with chronic low self esteem and self confidence issues throughout my life regarding my appearance. Despite being told I’m beautiful regularly and being a former model I’ve always felt fat, ugly and not good enough. Because of this I self harmed at one point; although i haven’t self harmed for fifteen years.

I told the doctor I’d met about this, and about my scars, and he said it wasn’t an issue. A few weeks after we’d met I went out on a night out with a friend, got really drunk and called the doctor telling him to meet me. Previously I’d delayed meeting him so that I could improve my appearance before doing so. But because I was drunk I called him. We met, and he was very affectionate and we went to his place and slept together. The next day I was on cloud nine. He messaged me the next day and was kind to me. A few days later he said he was sorry but he didn’t think we would work because he liked blue eyed blondes and I have dark hair and eyes, and he didn’t find me attractive. I felt it was the end of my life and I went crazy and threatened to kill myself, and him. He broke contact for a few days, during which I couldn’t eat or sleep. He then re-started contact and we began for the next five months this weird vicious cycle.

He told me he didn’t see me as girlfriend material because he’d met me online, I’d slept with him on the night we met, and I wasn’t his type. So I agreed to meet him for just sex. Any contact to me was better than none.  But it was more than that. He would also always say it was more than just sex. We’d talk regularly, on the phone and in person. He was very depressed. He’d moved from Scotland to England to complete a training programme and hated England so much he was almost suicidal. I spoke at length about it with him and he’d say that I helped him more than anyone else could; that i was bright and observant and made him feel good. He always referred to me as “his little hen’. But whenever we got close he would suddenly pull back again….saying it wasn’t healthy/right. He regularly ended things and I’d be destroyed and would beg him to see me again.

One time he ended things and I was so exhausted that I accepted it. I told him that I hoped one day he’d love himself as much as I loved him. He contacted me the next day apologising and asking to see me. So I realised that if I pretended not to care, he seemed to be more interested. So I tried to hide my feelings and my love for him. But it always broke through and the cycle would begin again.

On one occasion we were getting on really well. He went to South Africa; he asked me to go with him to the airport
and was affectionate to me before boarding the plane. In South Africa however he was cold towards me and didn’t
reply to my contact. When he returned to the UK he told me he was returning to Scotland to train as a GP, and I wasn’t invited.

During the worst two weeks of my life I mourned him, and spent a lot of energy getting used to the idea of a life without him. I started to accept it. Then he told me that actually he was staying and I discovered that he hadn’t even applied to do GP training. But I loved him still. He always said he didn’t want to get too attached to me, and he wanted a more outdoorsy woman. I looked too “makeupey” and he didn’t like the way I dressed. So i started to dress casually, wear less make up and climbed mountains. To my surprise I found I enjoyed it and thought of him less. Then twelve days ago he contacted me saying he missed me a lot, wanted me to move in with him, and that we should be together.


I went to his place, we spent the night together and I was euphoric. The day after he was back to being cold.

Sunday 14th June he messaged me saying it was over for good. He wanted to find a girlfriend, was wasting my time and it wasn’t fair to me.

I went to his place uninvited and he reluctantly let me in. I demanded answers and he said that he had been very depressed, and although he didn’t see me as girlfriend material he was so depressed that he used me for comfort. He had enjoyed talking to me and being affectionate but it was wrong and had to stop. At this point I’d already discovered he’d been dating other girls.

It seems final this time. He offered friendship but doesn’t respond to my messages. He responded coldly to a message I sent asking for medical advice and ignores all others.

Meanwhile, I’m broken. I can’t help but go over and over the things I did wrong and the pain of knowing that if I’d have been different it would have worked almost kills me. I’m unsure of how to live.

I look forward to your response

Kind regards

Tanya

Answer
When it comes to self-assertion, we are backwards thinking, incompetent, fumbling, fools.
So intense is our need to not be the source of irritation, disappointment, anger, contempt, or dislike that we go to great measures to please everyone around us; usually at our own detriment.

We disregard our feelings in favor of the feelings of others so we can please everyone around us. So that we can be liked and thought of favorably.

Too many of us walk around with our heads down trying to remain small and inconspicuous; especially when we’re in front of the nameless, faceless ‘everyone.’

It’s time for you to stand up for what’s right for you, and stop standing for what’s right for everyone else. No one has more vested interest in you, than you.People Pleasing Is Poison To Your Integrity & Toxic to Your Self-Esteem

What’s the difference between Poison and Toxic? Aside from the fact that they’re both mysteriously capitalized? Nothing. I simply needed two different words to make the headline compelling.
Poisoning Your Integrity

When your behavior matches your internal convictions and beliefs, you have achieved personal integrity.
In other words, when what you think, what you say, and what you do are harmonious, you’re anPoisoning Your Integrity

When your behavior matches your internal convictions and beliefs, you have achieved personal integrity.
In other words, when what you think, what you say, and what you do are harmonious, you’re an individual of integrity.

This is an impossible task for the people pleaser.
And so we should be. We’ve rarely had any practice stating what we want. We’re are more adapted at suppressing what we want, as if it were bad or wrong in some way.

We suppress our desires when we’re alone, and we obliterate them when we’re around other people. This applies, not only to desires, but to opinions, needs, and even basic individual rights.

Inexplicably, the less intimate we know someone, the more ‘pleasing’ we become while neglecting the needs of loved ones and good friends.
When you put your own needs aside for the sake of others, you’re sending yourself a litany of harmful messages:

   First and foremost, you’re saying that you are less important than others. It’s no wonder you feel so much self-loathing.
   You’re telling yourself that you’re a two-faced liar. You think one thing, but what you say and how you act is in-congruent with your thinking.
   You send the message to everyone that you’re a doormat with no self-respect.

You act as if you don’t have a right to exist for yourself and live for your own expectations and desires. You cannot exist for anyone else, so will you choose a path of slow emotional and mental suicide, or will you come out of the shadows and assert your right to shine your own unique color of light onto the world? Toxic Waste On Your Self-Esteem

Personal integrity can’t be attained without self-esteem.

Self-esteem is the sum of your self-confidence and self-respect. A people pleaser lacks the proper amount of self-respect to be self-assertive.

They’re not ok just being themselves without some kind of external validation. What’s more is that they are uncomfortable with the silence that comes with focusing on themselves rather than others.’ They’re much more adept at tending to the problems’ of those around them, and it’s not uncommon for them to use people pleasing as a way to avoid self-reflection.How you judge yourself, which manifests as your self-esteem, will determine how far you’re willing to go to please others at the expense of your own happiness.

The more you say ‘yes’ when you really want to say ‘f#ck no,’ the more you set aside your own needs to accommodate others, the more you turn your back on yourself in favor for serving everyone else, the more you erode your reputation with yourself (your self-esteem).

What would you think if someone treated you like that? How would you feel if your best friend or partner consistently put your needs aside to accommodate others? How hurt would you be when they turned their back on you? Would you hold them in high esteem? You would most-likely despise them and, because you hate them so much, they would continue to turn their back on you to find acceptance somewhere else.This is exactly what you do to yourself when you insist on pleasing others.

To add insult to injury, not only do you shit all over yourself, but you can also add resentment to the heap of emotional baggage you’ve accumulated; those with high self-esteem will not be willing to reciprocate your self-sacrifice, making you feel cheated.

It doesn’t even matter who you sacrificed yourself for and who you are resenting. They aren’t always the same person or entity.

Let me demonstrate the toxicity of your self-sacrificing, yes-man, doormat-like behavior:You sacrifice everything for those around you (coworkers, classmates, family members, etc), yet you feel as if all your concessions have gone unnoticed.
When you don’t see the same type of self-sacrifice in your relationships with others, you begin to feel resentful, however you can’t stop the habit of self-sacrifice because you think it’s the only way people can like you.
You begin to take out all of the pent-up resentment out on the people closest to you because you already have a firmly established relationship with them and you need somewhere to displace this anger you’re feeling.
Your intimate relationships suffer while your relationships with others around you become more and more strained by your resentment. You begin to secretly despise everyone while pretending to be the picture of amiability.
You now start to hate yourself for being such a pushover and you have vivid daydreams about what you want to say to so-and-so the next time they ask you for such-and-such. Then you have nightmares about what would happen if you said no.You sacrifice everything for those around you (coworkers, classmates, family members, etc), yet you feel as if all your concessions have gone unnoticed.
When you don’t see the same type of self-sacrifice in your relationships with others, you begin to feel resentful, however you can’t stop the habit of self-sacrifice because you think it’s the only way people can like you.
You begin to take out all of the pent-up resentment out on the people closest to you because you already have a firmly established relationship with them and you need somewhere to displace this anger you’re feeling.
Your intimate relationships suffer while your relationships with others around you become more and more strained by your resentment. You begin to secretly despise everyone while pretending to be the picture of amiability.
You now start to hate yourself for being such a pushover and you have vivid daydreams about what you want to say to so-and-so the next time they ask you for such-and-such. Then you have nightmares about what would happen if you said no.Open





people-pleaser

When it comes to self-assertion, we are backwards thinking, incompetent, fumbling, fools.

And so we should be. We’ve rarely had any practice stating what we want. We’re are more adapted at suppressing what we want, as if it were bad or wrong in some way.

We suppress our desires when we’re alone, and we obliterate them when we’re around other people. This applies, not only to desires, but to opinions, needs, and even basic individual rights.

Inexplicably, the less intimate we know someone, the more ‘pleasing’ we become while neglecting the needs of loved ones and good friends.

So intense is our need to not be the source of irritation, disappointment, anger, contempt, or dislike that we go to great measures to please everyone around us; usually at our own detriment.

We disregard our feelings in favor of the feelings of others so we can please everyone around us. So that we can be liked and thought of favorably.

Too many of us walk around with our heads down trying to remain small and inconspicuous; especially when we’re in front of the nameless, faceless ‘everyone.’

It’s time for you to stand up for what’s right for you, and stop standing for what’s right for everyone else. No one has more vested interest in you, than you.
People Pleasing Is Poison To Your Integrity & Toxic to Your Self-Esteem

What’s the difference between Poison and Toxic? Aside from the fact that they’re both mysteriously capitalized? Nothing. I simply needed two different words to make the headline compelling.
Poisoning Your Integrity

When your behavior matches your internal convictions and beliefs, you have achieved personal integrity.
In other words, when what you think, what you say, and what you do are harmonious, you’re an individual of integrity.

This is an impossible task for the people pleaser.

When you put your own needs aside for the sake of others, you’re sending yourself a litany of harmful messages:

   First and foremost, you’re saying that you are less important than others. It’s no wonder you feel so much self-loathing.
   You’re telling yourself that you’re a two-faced liar. You think one thing, but what you say and how you act is in-congruent with your thinking.
   You send the message to everyone that you’re a doormat with no self-respect.

You act as if you don’t have a right to exist for yourself and live for your own expectations and desires. You cannot exist for anyone else, so will you choose a path of slow emotional and mental suicide, or will you come out of the shadows and assert your right to shine your own unique color of light onto the world? Tweet this
Toxic Waste On Your Self-Esteem

Personal integrity can’t be attained without self-esteem.

Self-esteem is the sum of your self-confidence and self-respect. A people pleaser lacks the proper amount of self-respect to be self-assertive.

They’re not ok just being themselves without some kind of external validation. What’s more is that they are uncomfortable with the silence that comes with focusing on themselves rather than others.’ They’re much more adept at tending to the problems’ of those around them, and it’s not uncommon for them to use people pleasing as a way to avoid self-reflection.

How you judge yourself, which manifests as your self-esteem, will determine how far you’re willing to go to please others at the expense of your own happiness.

The more you say ‘yes’ when you really want to say ‘f#ck no,’ the more you set aside your own needs to accommodate others, the more you turn your back on yourself in favor for serving everyone else, the more you erode your reputation with yourself (your self-esteem).

What would you think if someone treated you like that? How would you feel if your best friend or partner consistently put your needs aside to accommodate others? How hurt would you be when they turned their back on you? Would you hold them in high esteem? You would most-likely despise them and, because you hate them so much, they would continue to turn their back on you to find acceptance somewhere else.

This is exactly what you do to yourself when you insist on pleasing others.

To add insult to injury, not only do you shit all over yourself, but you can also add resentment to the heap of emotional baggage you’ve accumulated; those with high self-esteem will not be willing to reciprocate your self-sacrifice, making you feel cheated.

It doesn’t even matter who you sacrificed yourself for and who you are resenting. They aren’t always the same person or entity.

Let me demonstrate the toxicity of your self-sacrificing, yes-man, doormat-like behavior:

   You sacrifice everything for those around you (coworkers, classmates, family members, etc), yet you feel as if all your concessions have gone unnoticed.
   When you don’t see the same type of self-sacrifice in your relationships with others, you begin to feel resentful, however you can’t stop the habit of self-sacrifice because you think it’s the only way people can like you.
   You begin to take out all of the pent-up resentment out on the people closest to you because you already have a firmly established relationship with them and you need somewhere to displace this anger you’re feeling.
   Your intimate relationships suffer while your relationships with others around you become more and more strained by your resentment. You begin to secretly despise everyone while pretending to be the picture of amiability.
   You now start to hate yourself for being such a pushover and you have vivid daydreams about what you want to say to so-and-so the next time they ask you for such-and-such. Then you have nightmares about what would happen if you said no.
   Everything explodes into a pile of panda shit.

See where this pattern fits into your life and then derail it before it gets any worse.
People Pleasing Behavioral Warning Signs

Not sure if you’re a people pleaser or just nice?

Don’t worry. I’ve got you covered.

   Do you yearn for external validation?
   Do you worry about what people will think about you if you say no?
   Do people always ask you for favors because they know they can count on you to say yes?
   Do you worry that people won’t like you if you say no?
   Do you think you might be rejected or alienated if you say no?
   Do you consistently put the well-being of others in front of your own well-being, regardless of the damage done to yourself?
   Do you often feel resentful towards others?
   Are you passive aggressive about your resentfulness?
   Do you wonder if others are actively taking advantage of you – weather they mean to or not?
   

Why You Can’t Be a People Pleaser Without Also Being a Fraud
by Liz

people-pleaser

When it comes to self-assertion, we are backwards thinking, incompetent, fumbling, fools.

And so we should be. We’ve rarely had any practice stating what we want. We’re are more adapted at suppressing what we want, as if it were bad or wrong in some way.

We suppress our desires when we’re alone, and we obliterate them when we’re around other people. This applies, not only to desires, but to opinions, needs, and even basic individual rights.

Inexplicably, the less intimate we know someone, the more ‘pleasing’ we become while neglecting the needs of loved ones and good friends.

So intense is our need to not be the source of irritation, disappointment, anger, contempt, or dislike that we go to great measures to please everyone around us; usually at our own detriment.

We disregard our feelings in favor of the feelings of others so we can please everyone around us. So that we can be liked and thought of favorably.

Too many of us walk around with our heads down trying to remain small and inconspicuous; especially when we’re in front of the nameless, faceless ‘everyone.’

It’s time for you to stand up for what’s right for you, and stop standing for what’s right for everyone else. No one has more vested interest in you, than you.
People Pleasing Is Poison To Your Integrity & Toxic to Your Self-Esteem

What’s the difference between Poison and Toxic? Aside from the fact that they’re both mysteriously capitalized? Nothing. I simply needed two different words to make the headline compelling.
Poisoning Your Integrity

When your behavior matches your internal convictions and beliefs, you have achieved personal integrity.
In other words, when what you think, what you say, and what you do are harmonious, you’re an individual of integrity.

This is an impossible task for the people pleaser.

When you put your own needs aside for the sake of others, you’re sending yourself a litany of harmful messages:

   First and foremost, you’re saying that you are less important than others. It’s no wonder you feel so much self-loathing.
   You’re telling yourself that you’re a two-faced liar. You think one thing, but what you say and how you act is in-congruent with your thinking.
   You send the message to everyone that you’re a doormat with no self-respect.

You act as if you don’t have a right to exist for yourself and live for your own expectations and desires. You cannot exist for anyone else, so will you choose a path of slow emotional and mental suicide, or will you come out of the shadows and assert your right to shine your own unique color of light onto the world? Tweet this
Toxic Waste On Your Self-Esteem

Personal integrity can’t be attained without self-esteem.

Self-esteem is the sum of your self-confidence and self-respect. A people pleaser lacks the proper amount of self-respect to be self-assertive.

They’re not ok just being themselves without some kind of external validation. What’s more is that they are uncomfortable with the silence that comes with focusing on themselves rather than others.’ They’re much more adept at tending to the problems’ of those around them, and it’s not uncommon for them to use people pleasing as a way to avoid self-reflection.

How you judge yourself, which manifests as your self-esteem, will determine how far you’re willing to go to please others at the expense of your own happiness.

The more you say ‘yes’ when you really want to say ‘f#ck no,’ the more you set aside your own needs to accommodate others, the more you turn your back on yourself in favor for serving everyone else, the more you erode your reputation with yourself (your self-esteem).

What would you think if someone treated you like that? How would you feel if your best friend or partner consistently put your needs aside to accommodate others? How hurt would you be when they turned their back on you? Would you hold them in high esteem? You would most-likely despise them and, because you hate them so much, they would continue to turn their back on you to find acceptance somewhere else.

This is exactly what you do to yourself when you insist on pleasing others.

To add insult to injury, not only do you shit all over yourself, but you can also add resentment to the heap of emotional baggage you’ve accumulated; those with high self-esteem will not be willing to reciprocate your self-sacrifice, making you feel cheated.

It doesn’t even matter who you sacrificed yourself for and who you are resenting. They aren’t always the same person or entity.

Let me demonstrate the toxicity of your self-sacrificing, yes-man, doormat-like behavior:

   You sacrifice everything for those around you (coworkers, classmates, family members, etc), yet you feel as if all your concessions have gone unnoticed.
   When you don’t see the same type of self-sacrifice in your relationships with others, you begin to feel resentful, however you can’t stop the habit of self-sacrifice because you think it’s the only way people can like you.
   You begin to take out all of the pent-up resentment out on the people closest to you because you already have a firmly established relationship with them and you need somewhere to displace this anger you’re feeling.
   Your intimate relationships suffer while your relationships with others around you become more and more strained by your resentment. You begin to secretly despise everyone while pretending to be the picture of amiability.
   You now start to hate yourself for being such a pushover and you have vivid daydreams about what you want to say to so-and-so the next time they ask you for such-and-such. Then you have nightmares about what would happen if you said no.
   Everything explodes into a pile of panda shit.

See where this pattern fits into your life and then derail it before it gets any worse.
People Pleasing Behavioral Warning Signs

Not sure if you’re a people pleaser or just nice?

Don’t worry. I’ve got you covered.

   Do you yearn for external validation?
   Do you worry about what people will think about you if you say no?
   Do people always ask you for favors because they know they can count on you to say yes?
   Do you worry that people won’t like you if you say no?
   Do you think you might be rejected or alienated if you say no?
   Do you consistently put the well-being of others in front of your own well-being, regardless of the damage done to yourself?
   Do you often feel resentful towards others?
   Are you passive aggressive about your resentfulness?
   Do you wonder if others are actively taking advantage of you – weather they mean to or not?
   Do you often offer yourself to others’ because you feel invisible?
   Do you feel inadequate in and of yourself?
   Do you believe conflict with others is always a bad thing?
   Are you positive that you do more than what’s required from you for everyone?
   Do you have a hard time recognizing the difference between being needed and being loved?
   Do you lack confidence in what you do? Do you have a hard time taking credit for success?
   Do you often overcommit and overpromise?
   Would you rather be dishonest than be the source of disapproval?
   Is ‘being selfish’ one of the worst possible traits anyone could attribute to you?
   Do you wonder why everyone treats you like shit when you’re so nice?
   Are you often plagued by guilt when you physically can’t do something for someone?
The more frequently you answered ‘yes’ to these questions, the more dominant the people pleaser inside of you is; the more depressed you feel.

Additionally, there’s a very obvious difference between being a naturally nice person, and being a people pleaser. Nice people don’t have a problem asserting their own wants and needs. They don’t let others push them too far and they don’t do things they’re uncomfortable with. People pleasers are far more likely to suffer discomfort as long as it makes someone else happy; all the while pretending that they’d love nothing more than to clean the dog shit off your shoes.

Being a people pleaser always makes you a liar and a fake. The two are inseparable.Kicking The People Pleaser Inside You To The Road Without Feeling Like You’re Stealing Candy From a Baby

It’s easy for us to feel like monsters once we cease putting so much importance on what others want – especially when we’ve been a dedicated people pleaser for most of our adult lives.

It’s a feeling you’ll need to endure if you want to overcome your inability to act on your own behalf and on your own terms.
Know your worth;;The first step is, and always will be, for you to believe that you are just as valuable as everyone else around you. What you want is just as valid, and how you feel is just as relevant.

You have the right to exist for yourself. Claim that right. Live that right. Only then will you be able to successfully kill the people pleaser inside you once and for all.
Identify your boundaries.

This is especially important if you have a hard time denying people you love.

What is unacceptable to you? What sort of behavior will you no longer tolerate?Make these boundaries clear and make them known to your loved ones.Take Responsibility For Yourself & Only For Yourself

You’re responsible for your own happiness and that’s it. You are not responsible for the happiness of those around you. If your actions make others happy, that’s awesome. If your actions make others unhappy, and your actions don’t violate their rights in any way, that’s their problem.

You cannot assume responsibility for the happiness of everyone you come in contact with. That is an impossible and idiotic task.

If you feel like you’re being taken advantage of, it’s because you’re letting people take advantage of you. You may not have known before, but now you do and taking action on that knowledge is up to you.Stop censoring yourself for fear of upsetting someone. If you have a movie night with your partner and it’s your turn to pick and you want to watch Pretty Woman, then by golly, you should watch pretty woman no matter how much your partner pouts. Their reaction to your right to choose is not your problem. That’s their problem.

And in all honesty, if they’re going to pout over a movie I think you should reconsider your decision to make them your mate.

Finally, don’t apologize for your boundaries. It gives the impression that you’re not willing to enforce them and it makes you feel like you’re doing something wrong by having them.

Don’t. Be. Sorry. Be proud. Be strong.Learn how to say no with dignity and grace.

When someone asks you for something you don’t want to give (whether it be time, a favor, an object, love, etc) don’t feel the need to concoct stories that give you an out. Just simply and confidently state why you don’t want to engage in that behavior.

When you start coming up with a ton of excuses you send the message that your position can be argued.

Don’t apologize for saying no.

Keep your word and follow through. Otherwise, you lose more confidence in yourself and your self-esteem suffers. Don’t worry about what’s going to happen because of your negative response.Prepare To Forget

Somewhere along the line the people pleaser inside you will resurrect itself. It will try to ruin you, but you won’t let it. You won’t let it because you won’t let yourself forget why you killed it in the first place.

Whenever the urge to act against yourself tries to take over you, remember that you are just as important as anyone else. You are just as worthy of wants, needs and desires. You have the right to exist for yourself. No one else has the right to ask you to exist for them.

Prepare yourself for how foreign the word ‘no’ will taste on your tongue.

Guard yourself from the people who are too used to your submission.Reaffirm to yourself the right to live your life on your terms.

Run away from anyone who expects you to sacrifice your own happiness for them.

Remind yourself that you are a human, just like everyone else.

And, because you are human, you are awesome.

So give your people pleaser the boot and stand tall inside your own awesome human skin. You’re worth it.a

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I have been teaching men and women how to find the satisfaction they seek in relationships for more than 25 years,presents a new framework for looking at people problems which expands the range of possibilities for change. my active approach provides help in solving seemingly insoluble relationship problems in a timely way.I view psychotherapy as a respectful partnership. My style is "active" rather than "silent", as I believe people can evaluate and choose the ideas that are useful for themselves. Knowledge and experience with a wide range of approaches enables me to be flexible in tailoring my approach to fit the needs of each particular person. The therapy relationship provides a safe laboratory for experimenting with new ways of relating.My special interest and expertise is in working with people on achieving more satisfying relationships. Through identifying patterns of handling conflict and developing strategies for change, any relationship can improve: at work, with a spouse, with family members, as well as difficulties in establishing a close, intimate relationship. Individuals, couples and/or families can do this relationship work.I have voluntarily worked as a counselor in the past, both with individuals and families. counsel for my church

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Doctorate (Combined Program in Counseling Psychology & School Psychology) Dissertation Topic: School Violence Prevention Masters of Science and Specialist in Education (Counseling and Human Services) Spirituality and Care of the Soul in Psychotherapy

Education/Credentials
I hold advanced degrees in Counseling (PHD) and Education (MS). achieved a minor in music while also completing a dual major in Psychology and Education (BA). It means i have been trained to the highest possible level by the most experienced professionals in education and mental health care. It means i can help you — safely and professionally — unlock your full potential.I've dedicated my life study to finding the best ways to help other people. I have a sincere desire to open up your world, remove blocks, and unlock hidden potential.Doctorate (Combined Program in Counseling Psychology & School Psychology) Masters of Science and Specialist in Education (Counseling and Human Services) Dual Major in Psychology and Education with Minor in Music (Piano Addictions, Impulse Control and Eating Disorders, MDD, Bipolar Disorders, ADHD, and Co-morbid Disorders, and PTSD.

Awards and Honors
•Resolving Family Conflict: Innovations, Initiatives and Advanced Skills •Self-Injurious Behavior: Assessment, Treatment and the Recovery Process •Art Therapy and Anxiety: Healing Through Imagery •Turning Bullies Into Buddies: A Quick, Powerful and Fun Way to Teach Kids How to Stop Being Victims •The Truth About Children and Divorce, Anxiety Disorders: Research, Diagnosis and Treatment •Crisis Debriefing for Youths and Adults: Effective Techniques to Help Survivors of Crises •Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy: The Basics of Helping People Get Better •Autism: “Building Bridges from Isolation to Interaction”, Multiple Perspectives on Children’s Learning, Behavior, and Development •Ethics and Laws for the Helping Professional, Preventing Medical Errors for Mental Health Professionals, Domestic Violence Update

Past/Present Clients
Attended the following for licensure requirements: •California Psychology Law and Ethics Update and Review •Child Abuse •Human Sexuality •Chemical Dependency

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