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Question
Is it a breakup or an explanation? Should I wait before making any conclusion?
"I can not continue like this, I wanted to give myself the courage to do the best for you, but for me too. I have too much trouble in my life and I can not pull you down due to that I feel bad. it is unfair to you." My boyfriend sent me this after he's been ignoring me for a while. Its not the first time, I think he is depressed he'd ignore me and come back as if nothing happened. We've also talked about it once and he said he doesnt like to involve people he cares about, that he'd ignore them and come back as if nothing had happen. All i know is that he is depressed and his previous relationship didnt end well. I'm just worried about the text he sent, can't figure out if its a breakup or not and I dont want to bother him. Maybe giving him space will help?. He doesnt want to talk and I've been sending text msg and calling multiples times. I called today and he sent that message

Answer
Why You’re Better Than Waiting Around For Someone To Make Up Their Mind or to Spontaneously Combust into Being Available///Every day I read comments, emails and Facebook postings that are code for:

“I’m still waiting for you”

“I’m waiting for you to make up your mind about me”

“I’ll be right here waiting for you if you ever decide you want me”

“I’m waiting for you to spontaneously combust into being available/commitment ready/a better person/to leave your spouse or partner”.

And in particular “I know you think you can do better, but when you find out that you can’t, I’m here waiting for you”.free yourself,    Here’s the thing: Waiting around for someone to make up their mind about you, to dignify you with contact, a relationship, decency, a change of self or whatever, devalues you. If you’ve been living your life in limbo waiting around, you’re breaking a fundamental personal boundary that will erode at your self-esteem.

It’s like buying a lottery ticket every Wednesday and Saturday and waiting in week after week for your numbers to come up. When people tell you you should come out, do something different, not play the numbers this week, you decline because you’re scared that the one time that you don’t is the one time that you’ll win. Your rationale is that life will begin once you win the lottery so you’ve invested yourself in the fantasy. Sometimes you win three or four numbers but you never hit the jackpot. One day you realise that you’ve literally wasted your life gambling on some seriously long odds. You thought the risk would be worth the reward but you end up regretting putting all of your eggs in a basket without a base…

If you’re waiting around for someone, you’re waiting for your numbers to come up. Unfortunately the fact that you have to wait in itself demonstrates that there isn’t enough or anything going on right now.

You’ve decided that this is what you want irrespective of any treatment and what them not being in a relationship with you now actually indicates, and this is incredibly dangerous, especially when they’re off living their merry life and you’re sitting there dutifully waiting or living the half life in pseudo relationships waiting for them to come back so you can race off into the sunset.

I heard from a reader who has broken off three engagements to three different men to go back to someone who has broken off their relationship and their engagement three times. If you can leave three relationships to go back to someone that’s flakier than a bad case of eczema, this in itself shows you were never really invested because you were passing time waiting for the one you really want to come back.

Here’s the thing: If you wait around for someone, let them boomerang in and out of your life, move onto new partners, and treat you like a ‘less than’ person, do you think they think:

“Wow, what a loyal, loving person they are.”

or

“They can’t be that great if they’ll put up with me treating them like this and rejecting the relationship and them time and again”.

   Let me assure you that waiting around isn’t a sign of loyalty and love – it’s a sign of denial, avoidance, and low self-esteem.Waiting around says “I don’t consider myself a valuable, worthwhile enough person to go and live my life without this person who doesn’t actually want me or the relationship I want with them. I’d rather fanny away my life and time that I don’t value hoping they’ll see the light because I don’t believe I can do better plus I’d rather avoid feeling ‘full’ rejection at any costs”.

Waiting around says “I have nothing better to do with my time”.

Waiting says “You’re free to reject me and come and go whenever they you like”.

Waiting says “I’m an option for you whenever you feel like it”.

When you convey that you’re a fallback option to whip out of their back pocket on a rainy day, that they’re able to contact you and pick up where they left off without much hassle, and you continue to believe in and keep them on a pedestal no matter what, you’ve communicated all the wrong things about yourself.

It’s much easier to convey that you’re a valuable, worthwhile person through action – sitting around, going through the motions of life, and selling yourself short don’t do that. Having a line, knowing the line, accepting that they can’t give you what you want and having more faith and confidence in you rather than them and living your life does communicate it.

I’ve also recently heard from people tying themselves up in knots waiting for someone they’ve just met to call – go out! Stop waiting around! You’re not in a relationship! Why would you remove yourself off the market, mentally and figuratively and bet on so much potential with someone who said they were going to call you?    How can you have so much invested in nothing more than an expression of interest?

You deserve better than waiting around for someone and while some people will be brazen enough to ask you to wait, often these are decisions you make off your own back because you’re ignoring vital information, have decided you know better and prefer your fantasy.

Waiting means avoiding experiencing a ‘fail fail‘ or a ‘rejection rejection’. The longer you wait, the crappier you feel and the harder it is to stop waiting because you then reason that so much time has passed that to stop waiting now would be waste of all the previous time spent waiting and you feel like you’ve invested too much to stop.

While it will hurt to stop waiting, it’ll hurt a damn sight less than if you continue waiting and refuse to accept reality. You’re better than being the person that they come back to after exhausting all other options. Don’t let them ‘settle’ for you after they discover that the grass isn’t greener on the other side. Why would you wait for them to sort themselves out with an ex?

   You’re better than waiting to be chosen – in healthy relationships, you mutually choose each other and get on with it.Waiting around is disrespectful and anyone who does expect you to wait for them is saying “I don’t love or care about you enough to value you and not marginalise you in a half life waiting for me. I’m afraid that if I let you go, I might change my mind and I won’t have the option of you so I’d rather have you wait. Just in case.”

Stop waiting around. It’s like gambling with your life. That fear that they’ll spontaneously combust into a better person in a better relationship with someone else is misplaced because just like fear mean it’s not happening, waiting around means it (the relationship) isn’t happening either.

Remember, while you’re waiting around, it means you’re unavailable for an available relationship.

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any questions,concerns,issues,advice from relationships,family,friends, common sense approach to couples counseling, men and women are intrinsically different and the key to solving relationship issues lies in understanding and honoring those differences and I am here to counsel and grant reconciliation,understanding and hope, spiritual wisdom and healing.Anything dealing with relationships i am here to help.Types of problems such as divorce, separation, death; post-traumatic stress after experiences like rape, theft, auto accident; life changing experiences such as illness, loss of job, moving; important decisions such as ending a relationship or abortion; and sexual difficulties,cheating,depression,how to express yourself. questions on love, romance, dating, and infidelity;Breaking up can be difficult. Have you wondered how to get out of a relationship or how to stop dating someone?get the rules for breaking up and find out what you can do (and not do) to make things easier for both parties.Have you become friends with someone you were in love with in the hopes they would one day see you as more than a friend? Or do you want to be more than just friends with somone you know now? If you've ever been trapped in 'the freind zone' -- or are in it now ,let's talk about it/ When should you have sex in a new relationship? What does a man think when you have sex with him right away? Can sex on a first date ever work out? When someone who makes our heart beat faster comes within a one mile radius of us, most of us feel anything but cool…. So what do you do? Get invaluable tips from relationship advice on what to do when you feel shy and unable to approach the one you want.

Experience

I have been teaching men and women how to find the satisfaction they seek in relationships for more than 25 years,presents a new framework for looking at people problems which expands the range of possibilities for change. my active approach provides help in solving seemingly insoluble relationship problems in a timely way.I view psychotherapy as a respectful partnership. My style is "active" rather than "silent", as I believe people can evaluate and choose the ideas that are useful for themselves. Knowledge and experience with a wide range of approaches enables me to be flexible in tailoring my approach to fit the needs of each particular person. The therapy relationship provides a safe laboratory for experimenting with new ways of relating.My special interest and expertise is in working with people on achieving more satisfying relationships. Through identifying patterns of handling conflict and developing strategies for change, any relationship can improve: at work, with a spouse, with family members, as well as difficulties in establishing a close, intimate relationship. Individuals, couples and/or families can do this relationship work.I have voluntarily worked as a counselor in the past, both with individuals and families. counsel for my church

Organizations
Doctorate (Combined Program in Counseling Psychology & School Psychology) Dissertation Topic: School Violence Prevention Masters of Science and Specialist in Education (Counseling and Human Services) Spirituality and Care of the Soul in Psychotherapy

Education/Credentials
I hold advanced degrees in Counseling (PHD) and Education (MS). achieved a minor in music while also completing a dual major in Psychology and Education (BA). It means i have been trained to the highest possible level by the most experienced professionals in education and mental health care. It means i can help you — safely and professionally — unlock your full potential.I've dedicated my life study to finding the best ways to help other people. I have a sincere desire to open up your world, remove blocks, and unlock hidden potential.Doctorate (Combined Program in Counseling Psychology & School Psychology) Masters of Science and Specialist in Education (Counseling and Human Services) Dual Major in Psychology and Education with Minor in Music (Piano Addictions, Impulse Control and Eating Disorders, MDD, Bipolar Disorders, ADHD, and Co-morbid Disorders, and PTSD.

Awards and Honors
•Resolving Family Conflict: Innovations, Initiatives and Advanced Skills •Self-Injurious Behavior: Assessment, Treatment and the Recovery Process •Art Therapy and Anxiety: Healing Through Imagery •Turning Bullies Into Buddies: A Quick, Powerful and Fun Way to Teach Kids How to Stop Being Victims •The Truth About Children and Divorce, Anxiety Disorders: Research, Diagnosis and Treatment •Crisis Debriefing for Youths and Adults: Effective Techniques to Help Survivors of Crises •Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy: The Basics of Helping People Get Better •Autism: “Building Bridges from Isolation to Interaction”, Multiple Perspectives on Children’s Learning, Behavior, and Development •Ethics and Laws for the Helping Professional, Preventing Medical Errors for Mental Health Professionals, Domestic Violence Update

Past/Present Clients
Attended the following for licensure requirements: •California Psychology Law and Ethics Update and Review •Child Abuse •Human Sexuality •Chemical Dependency

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