AboutPaul E Expertise All questions on relationships both family and otherwise.
Experience Past/Present clients:
Many and various, never on a professional basis, as I consider the experience I have (along with my age) has given me wisdom and should be freely available.
"Freely receive, freely give"
I am married with two grown-up stepsons, one of which has his own family with four sons. I have been on counseling courses and have varied experience in the workings of the human psyche, been involved on different levels in supporting and helping others with problems, I can often operate on an empathic level.
Organizations I belong to: I attend a local church which has proved invaluable in continuing my experience in relationships.
Expert: Paul E Date: 7/15/2006 Subject: Why Isn't He More Attached?
Question I'm 26, my boyfriend is 31 and we've been dating exclusively for a year. From the start he said he "wasn't looking for a serious relationship, but you never know." We started out seeing each other once a week, which was fine with me, but the past few months, he's been seeing me less often, every two or even three weeks. I asked him about this a few times and he's said that in his previous relationships he's always started off by getting too attached, but then it ending up fizzling because of this and also that the less frequent we see each other, the more "intense" it is. He said that this worked when he cut back on the frequency he sees me. Is this possible? I know that guys are typically not as emotional as women, but they eventually DO get attached. He's otherwise a GREAT guy; honest, nice, hard-working, etc. I know for a fact that he's not seeing anyone else, and when I asked him if he was stringing me along and various other scenarios where he'd only want to see me as a short-term fling, or if he's trying to get me to break up with him, he said no, and that he does like me. He himself has mentioned he DOES want to get married and have kids. In order to start a family he will eventually have to start seeing his future wife on a regular basis, so what do you think is going on? I've told him I'm not in a rush to get married(which is true), but I didn't want to waste time on a relationship that he knows for sure isn't going anywhere. Is he being honest about not wanting to get attached, or is he just trying not to hurt my feelings? Since I am in no rush to get married, and I enjoy his company, I'd wait it out, but I just want to be sure that he CAN get attached to me eventually and ask how I can help it along if possible?
Answer Hey girl, age don’t make no difference, its how u feel about each other. You can be in love at any age
For someone who is no hurry to get married, your sure giving out the signs no wonder the poor guy is confused.
“he's been seeing me less often, every two or even three weeks”
“I know for a fact that he's not seeing anyone else, and when I asked him if he was stringing me along and various other scenarios where he'd only want to see me as a short-term fling, or if he's trying to get me to break up with him”
” Since I am in no rush to get married, and I enjoy his company, I'd wait it out”
He told you:
From the start he said he "wasn't looking for a serious relationship, but you never know."
Whats that mean, was he or wasn’t he? He doesn’t seem to know what he wants either.
Your just like two crazy mixed up kids, first your sure, then ur not.
Don’t know what kinda relationships you had both had in the past, but but both of you has experienced the sorta “clingy” feeling where they wanna hold on to u and not let go, know what I mean.
So the two of you need to sit quietly (without holding hands) and talk to each about your fears and concerns, about the relationship and where you both feel its going (or not).
You said “In order to start a family he will eventually have to start seeing his future wife on a regular basis”
Where du get that from girl, what about all those are parted thro circumstances, such as those in the armed forces, or those working overseas.
As you described in your letter, sounds like you got it sussed (in your mind), but hey girl it aint working is it.
Try what I said, you might even be surprised at the result (or disappointed).
