About Blaire Palmer Expertise Stuck in a rut? Want to change your life? Feeling stressed or that you`d like more control over your life? Ask me how Life Coaching could help.
Experience I am a full-time Personal and Professional Coach helping my clients to close the gap between where they are now in their life and where they would like to be.I specialise in relationship coaching but can also help with any area you want to upgrade in your life. While I won't tell you what to do I will give you lots of ideas and help you see things in a different way.
Organizations Committee member, International Coach Federation. Full-time Personal and Professional Coach, Coach University Student, Online Coach for Flametree.co.uk.
Publications Evening Standard, Jewish Chronicle, Flametree.co.uk, Commercial Sense Magazine.
Expert: Blaire Palmer Date: 6/19/2005 Subject: stressed and uncertain
Question I live with a girl whom I have known since high school. We have been together now for about 2 years. Just recently I came back from overseas after about 4 months, and everything has changed.There are men still living in her house that had taken up residence during my absence and despite my insisting that they leave, she has allowed them to stay and I'm ready to leave because of this. It is her house, but come on, there's no legitamite reason suitable enough for me to hang out anymore as though this new living arrangment were acceptable. To make matters even worse, I have a gut wrenching heartfelt instinctive feeling that she not only was unfaithful when I was away, but that she is still getting banged every time I leave the house. She insists that I'm crazy and that I'm driving her away with my insinuating she is conducting herself in that manner. It's getting to the point of madness now. I love this girl. I certainly do not want to watch her every move and accuse her of things that she did not do, but lately I have been consumed with insecurities regarding her behavior. I even so much as bought a tape recorder (voice activated) to answer some of my questions by leaving it on near her without her knowledge of it. In my opinion, she has shown primarily signs of guilt and not innocence. She takes a very defensive behavior, and the closer I get to the focal point of my concerns during our heated discussions, the more volatile she becomes. Can you please tell me your opinion, and if you need more info, just say so and I'll give you my speedy informative reply.
Answer Hi Joshua,
Thanks for your message.
I cannot know whether your girl is cheating on you or not. But it doesn't sound to me that you two are enjoying each other much right now.
You are not communicating in an adult manner. You talk of "insisting" these men move out of her house. Is that the way to commuicate with someone you say you love?
She is also using dramatic language intended to make you doubt yourself. Saying you are crazy is intentend to be inflamatory.
Now you are spying on her even though you say you don't want to watch her every move. It sounds like you actually do! And it sounds like you feel you have no other option, that you have been pushed in to this situation.
The truth is you always have options about how to behave. Both of you are leaping to conclusions and then finding evidence to support your assumptions. And this seems a bit strange for two people who claim to love each other.
What about if she wasn't your girlfriend but your best friend? How would you be handling the situation differently? And, assuming for a moment she has done nothing wrong, how would you feel if the tables were reversed? How would you react? And how would you want to be communicated with?
I am not saying she is or is not cheating on you. What I am saying is take a step back and look at your behaviour. If you are not being the person you want to be, stop. You don't have to close your eyes to what may be going on but start making decisions about how to behave as if you do really love her.
