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Urology/cant maintain erection getting worse


Ok so I am going to try to be as detailed as I can because I would like to rule out some possible causes.

I was married from 18 to 26 with never a single issue with performance with my ex wife.  During that 8 year marriage we seperated for a little over a year. During that year I dated a girl but the first time I ever went soft was the first time I had sex with her however it was like 40 minutes into the session. I could go because I held myself back from going to long I guess. But no problems with this girl for the next year.

After me and my wife got back for 3 years of no problems then divorced.

Over the next 2 years I had sex with a girl who was just a sex partner on occasion. . Like maybe 10 times in 2 years... no problems...

Then I was without a sexual partner for about 8 months till a month ago. During that 8 month period I did masturbate but not overly.. maybe 3 times a week on average and slowly declining till I was only doing it once every week or two. I didnt really notice the decline still ibstarted thinking about it recently.

But I met a new girl.  We are both madly in love. The spark is there. She is very free spirited and has had around 15 sexual partners.. I have only had 3. I included that because some people say that performance anxiety coud be an issue. I honestly did not go into the first session even thinking anything about that.. I was bringing my A Game and I knew it because I had never been giving a reason to doubt that I could.

During out first encounter though I noticed it was for some reason not as hard as usual but she still came 3 times. The next 2 times ot was more noticable even by her and she asked if something was wrong andbi told her. She was very supportive.

We have been workong om it together. . She told me she wasnt with me for the sex. I feel confident that my performance issues are npt going to cause us to split up or anything.

So ive been keeping track and these are my findings.

She turns me on I can easily say that. She is very attractive to me. When she plays with it with her hand I dont really feel the full sensation.

When I play with her ibfet hard and it goes away off and on the entire time.

When she gets on top of me I lose my erection 100% of the time

When I am on top I can maintain erection for longer periods.. once pushing her to 5 orgasms. But other times only 1 and ibfeel like sometimes I cum way too quickly. Which is something I have never had a problem with.

The biggest thing I notice is that passionate kissing gets me hard very quick as well as the 69 position.  But today it didnt. I couldnt get hard for anything even though I was super horny. I toom a shower shortly after and couldnt even do it by myself. I could only maintain a 50% erection solo and could not achieve orgasm. My arm got tired and I gave up.

Its probably worth noting that I have been diagnosed with epididymitis and varicose veins were found when they discovered the epididymitis.  I was told I only shoot 30% of the normal average sperm count back in 2004.
I did drink energy drinks but quit 3 weeks ago with no improvement.  I do smoke.

Just given everything I domt feel like this is a psychological issue. I know ots the most common but I really feel like my testosterone could be down. I do have morning wood on occasion but not as much as I remember having it



The fact that your erections are situational and variable to some degree suggests a psychological component.  It's certainly possible to check a testosterone level and then you know for sure if that is contributing.  Now have a talk with your regular physician about this and have it checked.  


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Stephen W. Leslie, MD


Questions concerning erectile dysfunction, kidney stones and prostate disorders including prostate cancer. I have a special interest in kidney stone disease prevention.


Full time practicing urologist with 30 years experience. Associate Professor of Surgery and Chief of Urology at Creighton University Medical Center. Editor in Chief of eMedicine Urology internet textbook. Author of only NIH approved book written for patients by a urologist on the subject of kidney stones "The Kidney Stones Handbook". Inventor of the "Parachute" and "Escape" kidney stone baskets and the "Calculus" stone prevention analysis computer program.

American Urological Association, Ohio State Medical Association, Sexual Medicine Society

Men's Health, Journal of Urology, Urology, Healthwatch Magazine, Emergency Medicine Monthly, eMedicine, "The Kidney Stones Handbook", and numerous articles in various newspapers. He is also the editor of the Urology Board Review by McGraw-Hill used by urologists to study for their Board Certification Examinations.

Graduate of New York Medical College with residencies completed at Metropolitan Hospital New York, Albany Medical Center and University of Wisconsin-Madison.

Awards and Honors
Thirlby Award of the American Urological Association. Rated as one the country's Best Urologists by the Independent Consumer's Research Institute

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