Sexually Transmitted Diseases/Am I at risk for STD?



I am very worried about my current situation and would like to know your advice on whether I am at risk for STD, especially HIV.

A week ago, I went to a strip club and got a lap dance during which the dancer grinded on me. Would the following situations pose a threat to me?

1. The dancer had her panty on and I was wearing my khaki and boxer the whole time. However, during the dance, I cummed and the outside of my khaki became moist. Is there a possibility for her vaginal fluid could have gone thru the clothes and into my penis?

2. I licked her nipples also. There was no milk or sore and any taste from the nipple. This was as intimate as it got. No kissing, no touching of private part.

3. About 10-15 minutes after the lapdance, I went into the strip club's toilet and used their toilet paper to clean up the wet tip of my penis as well as my pant and boxer. The boxer and the khaki were definitely still wet at this point. Am I at risk for this? I used separate sheets to clean the penis and the clothes but could the STD get caught on my hand and then got transfered to my penis? At that time I was recovering from a cold so could my immune system somehow be compromised and vulnerable to the virus?

4. Finally an hour later, I went home and showered. I pulled back on my foreskin and cleaned my penis by letting water going down on it.

Thank you so much and I look forward to hearing your response.

ANSWER: Hi Henry,
Everything seems okay for all your questions.  Vaginal fluid could not go through all the clothes and into your penis. Nipple licking is essentially safe on intact skin.  The toilet paper and your own clothing or hand are not likely to transmit anything other than chaffing from rough handling or friction.  Your having a cold has nothing to do with STD transmission, or susceptibility. Your showering with plain water was an excellent idea for getting clean, but would not really change your risk for getting an STD.  Remember that the only way to get an STD is to have mucous membrane contact between penis, throat, vagina or anus, or in some other way, blood contact with infected partner's blood.  Hopefully, this will not occur, and condoms help to prevent such occurrences.

Good luck!

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thanks so much for the reassuring answer Mark. I just have another question about point number 3. Eventhough the touch (with fluid) was on top of the soft skin on top of the penis, am I still safe? Isn't the top of the penis made of mucous membrance? Also, isn't that where the urethra is, which could provide a pathway for STD to get into my system?

ANSWER: Hello Again, Henry,
Each sexually transmitted pathogen (germs whether they are bacteria, viruses, parasites, protozoa, etc.), whether it is chlamydia, or gonorrhea, or syphilis, or trichomonas, or herpes, or hepatitis B, or HIV, or HPV,... (there are others, but these are the most common ones), all have certain very specific characteristics as to how they actually adhere to and cause infections in others.  In these situations, the capability of causing infection is more like multiple slider bars on a sound mixing board, rather than just a single off-on switch. Syphilis, for example, can only infect through contact with a mucous membrane surface or a disruption of the skin.  Gonorrhea has little microscopic pili that must adhere to the right cells of the anogenital tract. HIV can only cause infection if it gets into the body through a mucous membrane or microabrasion in the skin, and then encounter certain white blood cells (CD4's).  But in all cases, a germ from one person, must enter a susceptible host body, and infect the target cell or tissue, and overwhelm that host's immune defenses. The likelihood of those germs being in the vaginal discharge are low, their passing through multiple layers of clothing are low, and getting to your susceptible penis without a scratch or entry point are also low.  Like multiple sliders on that audio board, all of those still result in below the susceptible thresholds of potential for infection.  

Good luck!

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thanks Mark. I just have one last question. Isnt the soft skin on top of the penis mucous membrance? Also, do you think I need to test in 3 months?

Hello Again, Henry,
No, the soft moist skin on the glans and underside of the foreskin is known as UNKERATINIZED stratified squamous epithelium. The dry skin everywhere else is KERATINIZED stratified squamous epithelium.  Keratin is protein found in the skin that makes it more resistant to scratching, trauma, or infection.  

Mucous membranes include epithelial tissues that secrete mucus which line many body cavities such as the mouth,  gut, nose, sinuses and respiratory passages of the lungs. They don't have keratin so are thought of as UNKERATINIZED, but usually are columnar rather than squamous epithelium.

Similar, but different.

Good luck!

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Mark P. Behar


Almost any question or concern about gay men's health issues, sexually transmitted infections, abnormal Pap smears, anal cytology (anal "Pap smears"), etc. There is no such thing as “d/d free” or “clean” (free of infection), so why do so many of us deceive ourselves into thinking that some people are indeed totally free from a potentially infectious disease, like HIV, herpes, hepatitis, syphilis, chlamydia, warts, gonorrhea, etc., just because they say so? Clinical laboratory tests are not perfect, and having a “negative” or “nonreactive” test does not mean that a person is free from infection. Perhaps at the moment the test was taken, the person was uninfected; or, perhaps, the test wasn’t sensitive enough to detect presence of the infection. There is really no way that anyone can determine that they are truly “disease free,” and there are over a hundred of infectious conditions that can be spread without your knowing anything. Rather than trying to “pre-screen” or “serosort” a potential sex-mate with deceptive questions that are impossible to know by today’s technologies, a wiser option may be to consider everyone infected with something, and either use appropriate protective measures (“safer sex”), or accept the responsibility and consequences of possibly “catching” something from someone who’s hotter than expected (pun intended!). There is much research that supports the contention that an HIV positive person reliably taking HIV medications, and having an undetectable viral load, presents a lower risk for transmission of HIV than people who may think or say they are HIV negative, but are not. Food for thought!


Family Practice PA since 1981; Volunteer Clinician for Brady East STD (BESTD) Clinic, Milwaukee, since 1977; answered STD questions submitted to their web site. Professionally lectured at national and regional Physician Assistant and Nurse Practitioner conferences, and at national gay & lesbian health conferences on topics including HIV/AIDS, herpes, hepatitis, STDs, human papilloma virus (the cause of venereal warts), abnormal Pap smears, gay and lesbian health issues, among others.

Co-Founder, Lesbian, Bisexual, & Gay Physician Assistant Caucus of the American Academy of Physician Assistants, Inc.; American Academy of Physician Assistants; Wisconsin Academy of Physician Assistants; National Co-Chair (2012-16), National Association of Black and White Men Together: A Gay, Multiracial Organization for All People (NABWMT)

Journal of the American Academy of Physician Assistants (JAPA) Q Visions, Quarterly Newsletter of the NABWMT

Bachelor's of Arts, 1972 (University of Wisconsin, Milwaukee, WI) Graduate Credits Experimental Psychology, 1972-75 (Tulane University, New Orleans, LA) Physician Assistant, Bachelor's of Science, 1981 (George Washington University, Washington, DC); Masters in Physician Assistant Studies, 2000 (University of Nebraska Medical Center, Omaha, NE)

Awards and Honors
Colposcopy Recognition Award (CRA), the American Association of Colposcopy and Cervical Pathology; Distinguished Fellow, Clinical Preceptor, American Academy of Physician Assistants; Fellow, Wisconsin Academy of Physician Assistants

Past/Present Clients
Brady East STD Clinic, Milwaukee, WI Milwaukee Health Services, Inc. (Martin Luther King Heritage Health Center), Dept. of Family Medicine and Early Intervention Program for HIV Infected Persons

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