AboutJohn Chancellor Expertise How to set and achieve goals, how to find your major purpose in life and the power of focused action. Why you need an emotional attachment to give you the drive necessary to achieve goals.
Experience Coach and trainer. Author Lessons In Life. www.teachthesoul.com
Education/Credentials Business degree, certified coach
Question QUESTION: For quiet sometime now I have been feeling lost and confused about what I want from my life. I wanted to continue with my education so I had applied to a college to pursue a MBA degree. I didnt get through the second round of interview at the college and for a long time it disturbed me that I wasnt good enough to make it through. I think the reason why I coudnt get through is because I messed up my interview horribly. After that I got a job and was doing quiet well at it but after I realized there was alot of politics and the employments terms and conditions were not favourable I decided to quit without serving notice. Its been a year since all this happened but I havent been able to get over it, I havent been able to try for another job neither get into college. Every time I make up my mind to do something , I ask everyone for their advice but then I get so confused that I end up dropping the whole thing. I have made a fool of myself many of the times telling people I am going to do all sorts of things which I never get around to doing them .
I have kept doing these things and now I am not sure what my heart wants anymore or if i did know what i want how to work at getting it and not backing out , out of fear of messing up.
ANSWER: Sangeetha,
First I can understand how you make one incorrect move and then you become confused. And once you get confused it seems like ever move you make just adds to the confusion.
I would have liked more information about how you thought you messed up your college interview.
It would have been helpful to understand more about the policies and employment conditions which you found objectionable. Unless you were in immediate danger, it is difficult to understand why you felt it necessary to leave without notice.
But the first thing you should do is put both of those incidents behind you. It does not matter if you made a mistake in your interview or with leaving the job. Both of those incidents are history and there is nothing you can do to change them.
If you left the employment for some emotional reason and should have given proper notice, you may want to consider writing an apology.
Now on to the more important part of your question. You need to accept full responsibility for messing up the interview and for leaving without notice. Only by accepting responsibility for your actions will you be in a position to make better decisions in the future.
Do you often get angry because things do not go the way you think they should go? Are you convinced that you are right and are eager to prove you are right. If so, you need to get over this. You may be right but what is the payoff for proving you are right? Often we damage relationships by trying to prove we are right. What is more important - getting what you want or proving you are right?
I think you need to reflect on both incidents and determine the underlying cause for your actions. What was your motivation in these two incidents.
I would suggest you read a couple of books. As a Man Thinketh by James Allen and A Manual For Living - Epictetus.
These are rather short but very powerful books. Try to see what actions you are taking that are leading to results you do not want.
Our thinking leads to actions. Our actions leads to our circumstances. If you wish to change your circumstances, you must change your thinking. You will need to change the way you think about things. You will need to reconsider what is important, what you have control over and what you have to let go of.
Also make a list of the things that you really want to accomplish in life. Determine what is important to you. Then decide on what you need to do to achieve what is important. Decide on the specific steps necessary to achieve your goals.
I hope this helps. If you care to furnish more specific information about the interview or the job circumstances, I might have more helpful information.
Thanks for letting me offer this advice.
John
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Well about the interview. Firstly I would like to mention to you, me and my friend applied to this college together. At the end she managed to get through and I didnt make it through as they stopped intake at 135 and my ranking was 172 among 1000s who applied. I dont have anything against my friend and I am happy for her but I felt embarrassed that I didnt make it through when she could. During the interview I was interviewed by two members of faculty, when they asked me their first question I was confident and answered fine but during the second question I was at loss of words in expressing myself. I ended up stuttering and said 3 or 4 words which probably were not grammatically correct (I cant even remember what it was)and one of them laughed at me and said 'who taught you how to speak English?' It just hit me in the face but I didnt give it too much thought and tried to remain focus on the rest of the interview. After that they asked me a few more questions which were about my Marketing project, about the work experience I had and a technical question on human resources. Somehow I tried to be smart as I could and answer them right but at some questions I got mocked at because they thought it was a stupid answer.After that it left me feeling 'am I really that dumb, that I couldnt get it right or was I misunderstood, what could I have done to change all that'.
About my job. I decided to join a HR consultancy because I had always been passionate about taking up HR as a profession. After I had lost out on my seat at college, I thought I d try my hand at something which I feel so strongly about. Since I had experience working for a bpo, I was asked to handle the whole bpo side of recruitment all by myself. The first day I joined I got along well with 4 other colleagues of mine who were all women. During the interview I was told I d be paid rs5000/- a month. Though it was half of what I previously used to earn I joined the job because I wanted to get into the HR field. I knew my job was target based and I was okay with it, I was also told that I had to sign a 1 year bond and if I d leave I d have to pay them Rs15,000/- . They told me that I was supposed to hand over my college degree marks sheet to them for safe keeping so that I dont quit the job. To this condition I dis-agreed but I agreed to sign the bond feeling certain that I wouldnt leave. On my first day of work I found out through Asst Manager while being trained that we had to work 9 hours a day and full day on Saturday. Then I found out that if I didnt achieve the target I wouldnt even get my basic salary for the month. But the Asst Manager assured me that we would all work together as a team and we would help each other in accomplishing our targets. On my third day itself I achieved a part of my target and started doing extremely well even though I was still being trained. I started achieving and coming at par performance vise with my other colleagues. I absolutely loved my work. The boss was so impressed that he said in 6 months I could take up the post of the Asst Manager (she was leaving after 6 months)if I kept preforming.
Suddenly after 4 days of work I started seeing the other side of things. Everybody kept bitching about the manager, the other 3 girls told me that if I achieved any targets to keep them for myself. They told me not to be too friendly with the Asst Manager and to keep away from her. Then after a couple of days I saw them at each others necks when candidates got through at company interviews, arguing that the candidate was theirs and they deserved the closing. It seemed all of them were so insecure about whether they d earn their basic pay or not that they felt jealous whenever anyone else managed to get a closing (achieve a part of their target). They kept cribbing all day long about the boss, the pay, the work conditions....
I felt why am I sticking onto all of this. I had worked previously in a mnc , things were so systematic , people were friendly , professional and at the end of the day I wasnt insecure about whether I d get my basic pay or not forget incentives.
Since in my country bonds are considered to be illegal I realized I could just quit it didnt matter at all. I have always believed in keeping my word and most importantly I wanted very much to be in the HR profession. But when I saw the mess I was in I felt I just had to quit all of it wasnt worth it. So I just quit without serving notice. I did bother to inform the Manager that I was quitting though but I didnt pay the penalty.
I quit approximately after 24 days of work.
Something else which really put me off was the fact that - we used to place people because we needed to achieve our targets, it didnt seem to matter where we placed them. We never checked whether our clients were good employers or whether they kept their word or what sort of conditions they put the candidate through. I started finding out in my city among the small time work places people took all their employees for a ride. I just didnt have the heart to place people for the sake of my targets and put them in the same mess I was in (when it came to recruiting for small companies).
The whole thing was a total turn off for me. On top of that since I quit 2 of the colleagues at work started bitching about me that i quit and they were trying to force the boss to take up the bond issue with me.
I have been through alot of ups and downs in life. Throughout my childhood days I have had some experiences being teased, bullied, made fun of and sometimes abused. It took me a very long time to learn how to fend for myself, how to treat people right and how to get them to like me . All of a sudden I had left a place on a bad note and people thought I was selfish that I just quit and walked off and maybe I was. I simply did it because I wasnt happy.
The thing you said about 'You need to accept full responsibility for messing up the interview and for leaving without notice.' I dont know. Do you think I am having a problem of accepting it ?
Usually I am not a person who gets angry easily. I try and make effort to understand people.(cus I feel it is important since I have often been mis understood) But I cant stand it when people put me down, it hurts me.
It hurt me alot that people turned against me at the consultancy. I am so used to having people like me and having a good impression about me.
Therefore recently I have been scared to step into anything. I have lost that motivation and I am frustrated with life. At the same time I dont know what I want to do anymore. I dont have a goal, nothing to feel driven about.
Answer Sangeetha,
Thanks so much for providing the additional information. If I had the benefit of this information, my answer would have been much different. Based on your first post, I assumed too much that has proved to be incorrect and for that I must apologize. I should have asked for more information before I ventured an answer.
As to the college exam, I do not understand anyone who would laugh at your reply. The professors doing the interview seem very insensitive. There is no good reason to just be mean and ugly to a person in an interview. When you were clearly struggling to gain your composure, they should have been considerate and tried to assist you rather than tear you down. That is no way to treat anyone. I am sorry to hear what you had to go through.
As to your experience in HR. Now I totally understand why you left. I am certain I would have done the same thing. In fact, I probably would have left sooner. Of course I live in the States and never even considered something like that could happen anywhere. I do not believe in using or abusing employees. It is not the proper way to treat people. I believe all humans should be treated with respect. It is totally unethical to place people with employers who you know will take advantage of the employee.
I have a much better idea of what you have been going through. It is very unfortunate that you have suffered because of some professors who thought it sport to make fun of you. It is even worse to be treated poorly by your employer, be asked or demanded to do things that are against your principles and to threaten to withhold your pay if you don't achieve by their standards.
I think you need to pause and realize that you have been mistreated. That does not make you a bad person. Actually the fact that you refused to go along with the unfair policies while in the HR position makes you very courageous. You should not feel bad that you left without notice. You actually should feel good about standing up for what you believe in. Unless people really stand up for what they believe in, our societies will be run by villains.
If an MBA is important to you, then you should reapply. When being interviewed, it is not necessary to come across as smart. Being able to answer questions means that you possess information. It is much better to come across as curious. That is, you might not know the answer to all the questions you are asked, but you are curious about learning. I would much rather have someone who is curious than someone who thinks they know all the answers. The curious will always be looking for a better way to do things. They will always be seeking to learn more. So when you are in an interview, the best thing is to be sincere, eager to learn and grow. It is useless to try to impress someone with your knowledge. Just impress them with your honesty and desire to learn.
If your passion is in HR, then you really do not need an MBA. HR is one field where there is much need for highly qualified individuals. Getting the right people in the right job is a very difficult task. If you are good at this, then you can literally write your own ticket. You need to study some good HR policies and procedures. First Break All The Rules is a great book which discusses hiring and getting the most out of people.
I would look around for some company with higher standards where you could put your passion to work.
If you are interviewing with a new company, be very honest about what happened at University and at your work. Anyone that is worth working for will understand both situations.
You seem very sincere and talented. I would still suggest you get and read the two books I mentioned. But also do not let others get you down. In the final analysis, your opinion of yourself is much more important than anyone else's. As long as you know you are doing the right thing, do not worry about what anyone else thinks.
You may have been misunderstood-understood in the past. In part because you might not have supplied enough information.
But you are a very worthy person. People who try to put you down are only doing so because they are petty. Do not let petty people have any influence on how you feel about yourself.
I am so glad that you provided additional information. I have a much better idea of what happened and who you are and what really happened. Do not let others try to unduly influence your life. You alone are responsible. Listen to your heart and do what it tells you.
Good luck, thanks for the positive feedback and be sure to write again if you have additional questions.
