AboutKerry D Sim Expertise I help people become clear about what they say they want, and hopefully clear about why they are not getting it. I do not answer questions like "How do I make a million dollars?" or "Where do I find my soul-mate?" or "What is the perfect job or career for me?" I also don't do "romance" question, like "What shall I do if my boyfriend/girlfriend confuses me? I don't understand my lover, what shall I do? I will answer questions from people who find themselves unclear, or confused about their purpose in life. I also help folks with limiting frameworks, beliefs, and emotional blocks that keep them stuck doing the same things over and over, while expecting different results.
Experience Have been a personal development coach for 7 years. Trained in Energy Techniques, including Provocative Energy Technique. Considerable, and varied personal life experience, and have created a very practical relationship workshop, complete with effective communication tools. I specialize in hearing and speaking the truth, and it is unimportant in the process whether you like the truth as it exists, or not.
Education/Credentials Coach training from Coachville.com school of coaching. Energy techniques training via Emofree.com and EFT Downunder. Life experience and training from many full years of living on this planet. I also have a certain amount of formal education, which, as far as I am concerned, is not necessarily pertinent to this endeavor.
Question QUESTION: Hello, my name is Mike. I'm 23 years old who is a graduate from Johnson & Wales University with a Fashion Merchandising Degree. The school is located in Charlotte, where I lived for three years. The problem is that I was forced to move back home with my family after I lost my apartment. Things are not going well for me. While living in Burlington, I have to depend on everyone to get me everywhere I need to go. I have no car or driver's license, and there's no public transportation. I live with my parents and siblings. I did everything I could to fix that, but I never can get that much support from my parents or anyone because of their busy lives. I never get to go out and socialize with anyone. I'm always stuck at home. I've lost my independence, my inspiration, and its hard trying to be myself there.
My dream is to move or work in a metro city, well any metro city where there's public transportation, nightlife, and fine dining. I describe myself as an modern/artistic person who loves to cook up gourmet meals, and renovating such as fixing up a home or anything with a new twist. I've also tried moving back to Charlotte, but I have no luck with the job search. I really would like to live in NYC. My recent trip to NYC was just a couple months ago in April. It was my first time there alone. I knew what subways to take and how to catch a cab. I couldn't believe that how quickly I adapted myself there. I believe moving to a metro city would be the best thing for me. It would become my life again. I can regain my independence back, and would become more inspired with my dream goals. This has been going on for years and I don't know how to fix it. How can I have my independence again?
ANSWER: Mike,
You can gain your independence again by making a simple choice. Choose between what you have now and what you say you want.
You say it is "...hard trying to be myself here." Well, it is hard trying to be oneself in most any circumstance. If, as you say moving to any metro city would be the best thing for you, and living with your parents isn't ... what are you going to do about it?
Right now you are acting like a victim. These are victim phrases: " I have to depend on everyone - I was forced to move back home - its hard.."
It looks like you made, and continue to make choices about your life. You were not "forced" to move back, you chose to move back. You do not "have to depend" on everyone, you choose to use others to take you where you want (not "need") to go... and that is because you have, for whatever reason, chosen to not have your own transportation. You continue to choose to remain in a situation where you say it is "hard" rather than moving into a different situation.
Sounds more like you are choosing the situation that is more comfortable, in the sense of familiar, rather than making a choice to bail out and trust that you can handle it. This is not uncommon.. many people make this choice, believing it is better to deal with problems you know than to invite problems you don't know.
To answer your question "How can I have my independence back?" the obvious answer seems to be by simply choosing to be independent. One definition of independent is to make one's own decisions and choices, act on them and accept the results of those actions.
That being said, you may still meet the definition of independent, if you continue to choose to live with your parents, have no driver's license, etc. The only change then is to accept the results of those choices - which from your own description, it appears, you are not.
There's the saying, "Give me the grace to change what I cannot accept, accept what I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference."
Good Luck
Kerry
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Kerry,
I'm really not satisfied with the answer at all. What did you mean when you said that I wasn't forced to move back home. I lost my apartment. I had no money and my only family were back in Burlington, the only ones that would accept me. Now, that was the choice I had to take. There was nothing else I could do. Also about me having to depend on my family to take me places where I "need" to go such as work, or everywhere else, how am I using them. I am not using them at all, they are the only ones who are availible with a car that could drive me.
The situation "chose" me. I never wanted it!
You don't know what I'm going thru and it seems like you're blaming it all on me. No offense, but I tried very hard to make it where I am. Sure I would like to have a license and maybe car, but with the job I have, I can't get ahead in life with that salary.
I never wanted my life to become that way. Plus I didn't have to accept the results. If I didn't it could be worse. But there will be a change!
Don't be offended, I'm just being honest and speaking out. Thank you.
Mike
Answer I'm not offended a bit, and I appreciate honesty.
And I believe I answered your question "How can I have my independence back again." The answer to any question or situation like this, where what you have is not what you want is the same. Do something different. In other words choose some action to get you moving in the direction you want to move.
As for your previous situation "...that was the choice I had to take..." I suggest that in itself is a choice. You chose to go to your parents rather than live on the street, or end up in jail, or whatever. It WAS a choice.
So to actually act like an independent adult (get your independence back), once a choice is made, and action has been taken, there is not much else to do with the results but accept them. It has nothing to do with whether you like the results or not. If an independent person makes a choice and gets results he/she does not like, they accept the result until they are willing/able to come up with another choice and another action in order to get a different result. (i.e. to get different results one must do something different.)
And, an aside, consider that if there was public transportation available, you would "use" that resource to get to where you wanted to go - so is there a difference if you use your family's resources for the same purpose? You are using a resource. Good for you. That is what people do, use resources. If your family is honest, they will tell you whether or not your use of the resource disturbs them. If they say nothing, but you believe you are imposing, you can simply ask them.
If you see any of this as "blaming" I will say that judgment does not come from me. You asked for my input and I gave it based on my own training and experience. I just saw a natural progression from choices made, to results obtained. Nothing in that suggests blame to me. It is more about just accepting responsibility for the choices made, actions taken and results in your life. Why this happened, and if there is anyone to blame is, in my opinion, a waste of time. It jut is what it is.
If you want specifics about how to get out of your current situation, this forum is not the place for involved, detailed coaching. My answers here are generally pretty short and to the point. If you want more involvement, you might consider hiring a coach.
"But there will be a change!" - of that I have no doubt.
