How to Get What You Want in Life/stuck in life


Hi John,

I'm a 20 year old British female who's stuck in life. I moved to Ireland 4 years ago with my family to a small town. It was because my mother wanted to escape an abusive relationship, but being here has really lost my opportunities in life. There isn't education like college here in this country that I want to do.  I feel like I'm imprisoned in life. I don't have much money to move to the UK on my own. I was moving back to the UK two years ago with my boyfriend at the time but we split up. I've always either wanted to work, study, and care for animals many exoctic ones. I want to travel and do animal conservation and train in Vet medicine but I don't have the right grades to go straight into studying it. Also I would like to move to South Africa one day and be a game ranger and vet nurse. But I feel like I will always be trapped in Ireland I absolutely hate it here. I blame my mother because the man she left to move here still travels here and is still abusive. I also want to become more independant and do what I want before its too late. There isn't work in the town I live in and costs of travelling out side of town is so high because the euro is so high. I don't want to do anything else in life or work in a dead end job either. I'm starting to get depressed lately.

Could you please give me advice?


I can really understand how you feel trapped and with left with very few options. While it is very easy to blame your mother and circumstances, the truth is that will not get you out of the small town you are in, nor will it help you along the way to your dream of becoming a vet and working in South Africa.

There are two separate problems that need to be addressed.  The first is focusing on your big dream.  The second issue is to decide if you are willing to pay the price to achieve your dream.

I agree that you need to have a dream in life. But if you focus on the big dream, going to vet school, eventually moving to South Africa, it can all seem overwhelming and so far out of reach.  While you need to have a general idea of where you want to go in life, the most important thing is to focus on what you can do this week that will move you toward your big dream.  It does not have to be earth shaking.  But focus on one thing you can accomplish this week.  It might be something as small as studying 20 minutes per day.  The studying can be books, Internet talks/discussions, etc.  But the simple truth is if you are not willing to devote 20 minutes per day to achieving your dream, then you are not fully committed.  So my question is what can you start doing this week – spending at least 20 minutes each and every day doing it – that will move you closer to your dream.

We often fantasize about our dream life.  We can dream about what it would be like to be financially independent, to be able to travel where we want to, when we want to, but too often our dreams are just that – dreams.  We never ask the question, “What is the price I will need to pay to achieve my dream?”  This is very important.  Most people can achieve their dream – if they were willing to pay the price.  But paying the price means giving up something today in exchange for a greater reward in the future.  It means doing work – sometimes unpleasant work – putting off having a good time today in favor of having a better time somewhere in the future.

So the questions you need to ask yourself is this: “Am I willing to do what it takes to achieve my dream life?”  

That does not mean taking shortcuts – like finding a boyfriend that you can depend on.  It means becoming totally committed to your own success and doing the work necessary each and every day.  It means studying, working, learning instead of going to the pub or chatting with friends.

It also means realizing that the path may take a few years.  That it will not happen overnight.  But if you start today, doing small things that will move you slow but steady toward your goal, you will reach it.  It also means understanding that success happens very slow for a long time and then quite suddenly.  So you have to stick with it.

Here are some things you can do to help you get started.

Go to You Tube and search for the audio of Think and Grow Rich.  Listen to that audio book – listen half hour or so per day and listen to the book a few times. Take good notes.

Go to You Tube and search for the audio book As a Man Thinketh.  Listen to that for a few times. Take good notes.

Here are links to a couple of TED talks on You Tube.  Watch those and realize that no matter how bad you think you have it, these women had it worse.

Aimee Mullings – The Opportunity of Adversity

Caroline Casey TED talk.

After you have thought about this and watched the TED talks, get back to me and let’s think about a specific strategy to help you achieve your goals.  The first step is having a proper mindset and a total commitment.


How to Get What You Want in Life

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John Chancellor


How to set and achieve goals, how to find your major purpose in life and the power of focused action. Why you need an emotional attachment to give you the drive necessary to achieve goals.


Coach and trainer. Author Lessons In Life.

Business degree, certified coach

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