How to Get What You Want in Life/is that negative energy ?
my story begin when I tried to think out of box and change my career , finding my niche , true talent , I had bachelor degree on engineer , I really love engineering abstract science but don't want to works as an engineer , from this point , I tried to search in myself , refresh the past , to lot of mental and talent exercises , read self development books ,, apply on lot of assessment and exams online for know my personality and abilities and interests , by matching my self identification and external material like books , I found that the common area between my desires-interests-abilities-strength points - knowledge is
1- artistic field ( creative writing include "poems-lyrics-plays-stories-movies-articles-drama) - ( dancing , expressive dancing , contemporary dancing , folks , free style dancing) - ( voice over ) - ( acting ) - ( music creating and arranging) - ( paperwork and cartoon artwork ) - ( miniatures and diorama design )
2- management ( manage a business , department , people , project ..................)
3- anything related to people like ( human development - self improvement - harmonization - motivation - solving problems - creating peace and tranquility )
for 8 years , I m rounding on closed circle , between my loving arts , career , financial situation , hating to be employee for long time , egg or chicken dilemma
I worked for 4.5 yrs on marine international company after 6 month of my recruitment I qualified for a high responsibility management position , on the same time I tried to improved my artistic talent and announce , the problem is this position dominant my time because I was responsible for more than 600 person working on marine vessel also the connection point between them and the all company department , my cell phone reach more than 100 calls daily , my health start to withdraw , despite of I was happy on the beginning that I m VIP person , that all people need him , famous person not only that but also I m the creator who plan and recruit crews and change them reporting them , solve their problem , ranking them , harmonize between them , relieve them and their families ...................... , it was a dream , I detected that I have practically social and management too high skills , but the arts talent improving and announcement start to vanish again this job , that's moaning me , this job suddenly transform from a good acceptable dream to a horror nightmare , my health withdraw , my temper try to lost , making argument , fight with bosses for sake of employees need , wear the role of jokey who have a sword , one day a boss told me your are authenticate person and talented too but all what you do but the against to company policy , the company policy is a vampire policy , if it reach to let people work fro free it was done , I left my work since march 2014 , my artistic talent their interest start to weak , my paces slow , no money , no job , despite of it is an opportunity to return back to this company but I don't want , it was a curse , the best thing that experience I took may be an access point on HR career , but I assured that I hate to be employed , I want to be independent , I m distracted with many arts aspect , each aspect require a time and energy for start earning well money the weird thing , that I m ready to explode my artistic energy without money all my whole life , believe or not believe , those arts I loved from being child , but when can I get money , also employing kill my creativity and activity , consume lot of energy let me weaken on other live aspect , I return to same point and my family and friends accuse me as a big loser
not only that but also
do you know that I m 30 yrs old multi-talented person emotionally
sensitive , shocked on his love whether on practical and professional
live or on his society living in or shocked on himself or shocked on
his best friends and his intimated soul mate also my family , a
person whose soul fill with bruises and deep injuries , I m the person
who required ideal emotional humanity live , want to achieve message
upon people and make them happy , the result is I couldn't achieve my
old desires-message , couldn't explode my creation ability , depressed
, stressed and also injured with ADD.ADHD disorder , OMG , moreover
lost my people I loved , this people converted from innocent people to
monsters , I detected that most of them taken advantage of me ,
exploit me , betray me , oppressed me , ............ , I taste the
bitter of live , noways , on the past I was the person who have a
great sense of humor , funny , emit happiness on people souls ,
positive energy , all that was changed , I m male live on developing
country , I have lot of artistic talent want to explode , want to find
my real loyal schoolmate , but how , when ? when I ll release from this choking circle ????????????????
please I just give you a hint about my problem , if you want to know
details please feel free to ask all the questions you want to
diagnosis my case , noticed that I m ENFP personality , right sided
brain ability , blue core value personality , it may that help
wait for your urgent reply , to tell you more or to ask me"
thanks and best regards
Long email with poor English make me understood half of your email.
What I understood is that you have bachelors in engineering degree but you want to be an artist. You are confused with a right direction in your life.
In one query you asked me for diagnosis so let me clear you that I am not a psychologist or a physician to diagnose or suggest any treatment.
According to my life experience, I can provide you some advice.
First of all, its your life, so what your dear and near one thinks about you is none of your business. Till the time, you do not rely on them for your living is a good reason to ignore.
Secondly, you have to earn your living, if you are really good in arts and that can earn you enough money then go for it. If you think, its not the enough money earning professional then you have to look for other employment/way to earn enough money (with enough money I mean which can fulfill your basic needs for daily living).
You can pursue a MBA or you can try project management. Once you get a job then it will be for 40h a week (5 days X 8h a week and you will get 2 full days and 7 nights to explore your artistic desire and career.
In-spite of thinking on your negative thoughts think towards positive in life. Get a job (do job as a job, its not your own business, some one else is its owner). Follow the rule of place where you work.
You can make your own rule and follow them when you become an owner. I will not say its impossible as in my view everything is possible,only you need to recognize right time and to meet right people. This depends on your ability to judge and analyze.
So you need not to worry about your negative thoughts. Do a job for sake of living, meeting new people and learning new techniques. Then use the remaining time (other than 8h or working hours per day) in exploring your artistic desire and your own business.
Once you are able to earn your living from your passion, quit the job and get involved in your passion business.
Hope I make it clear and easy for you to decide.
All the best...