Expert: Niquenya D. Fulbright - Executive Life Coach, Speaker & Corporate Trainer - 5/5/2007

Question
I'll be getting into university soon. I wish to make a lot of friends there but the thing is I am not the greatest of communicators. Please give me tips on socializing.  

Answer
Hello Joe,

What a big step!  The main thing you need to know about socializing is that everyone is uncomfortable at it.  Even those who seem right at home in front of a crowd have probably worked really hard to look that way.  So the first thing you need to do is to remember that we are all human with our own unique individual quirks and idiosyncracies so don't be afraid to reveal your own.

That being said, there are a few basics that go right down to communication skills 101.  First, smile and make eye contact.  These small pieces of body language are the beginnings of any social interaction.  You want to seem friendly and inviting.  Also, don't cross your arms as this will immediateley close you off from communication.  Either keep them by your side or use them to gesture effectively.

Say hello and introduce yourself.  Give your name and ask for their name.  Ask others what they are all about.  Practice answering this question yourself beforehand.  Having a prepared answer for commonly asked questions can go a long way to stamp out nervousness.

Study up.  What I mean by this is if you are attending an event that caters to a particular interest, learn all that you can about the subject.  Stay abreast of current events and pop culture so that you will be able to engage at least at some length about the topic.

Arrive early so that you can have lots of one-on-ones with people.  Have the same conversation with multiple people until you feel that you are in the groove of things.  It gets easier with practice.  Then you can go back to those who you found most interesting or shared some commonalities with.

If you don't know what else to say, comment on a neutral topic like their outfit or the weather.  This will at least open the conversation up to be more.  Also, add details to the language you use.  For instance, rather than answer where you live with "I stay on Mango Street", say "I live next to the little French bakery with the weird neon lights on Mango Street."

If you get stuck in a conversation, summarize.  You can't have a conversation without someone who plays the role of listener.  Practice active listening by filling silences in the conversation with summaries of the other person's words.  This will let the person you are speaking with know that you were listening, interested and that you understood.

Join as many social networking groups as possible to meet people.  These could be clubs, organizations or professional associations.  Attend events regularly.

These tips should hopefully get you started on the right path.  Please let me know if this answer was helpful by rating my response and leaving any feedback.

Happy Living!

Niquenya D. Fulbright
Executive Life Coach & Professional Speaker
Building Bridges Between Your Dreams & Ultimate Reality
Complimentary Coaching Session Available to All First Time Clients
http://www.niquenyafulbright.com

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