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Wedding Planning/daughters bridal shower


My daughter is getting married in sept. and the grooms family wants to give the bridal shower for her. However I was informed that my family(brides side) is not invited. How should I handle this? My daughter doesnt want to hurt their feelings,but at the same time I feel dissed. Please offer some advice that will help in this matter.

YIKES Michelle,
  This is just bizarre in a number of ways. First, the family of either partner doesn't usually throw the bridal shower. It should be her bridesmaids and/or bridal party if it's a 'Jack and Jill' shower.  The families can be consulted as far as the guest list, and possibly help with financing it, but they don't generally host it.

There is no way that a bridal shower should take place without the bride's family invited. Even if your family is geographically far away, courtesy invites should be issued. I don't really understand the motivation for this; it's rude, it's incorrect, in etiquette terms, and it's just plain weird.  In addition to being unpleasant and saddening.  This family has some learning to do about how genteel adults act in the world.

Hurt feelings?  In my humble opinion (and you didn't hear it here....) they need to have their feelings hurt because this is a real social gaffe and it's obviously hurt YOUR family's feelings enough for you to reach out. They need to know that this is just not right, something we all know.

This is what I would do, in ranked in order of the least drastic to the most.  I would suggest that your daughter discuss this with her fiance. Let's give them the benefit of doubt and assume that they just don't know any better (as opposed to being meanies). She should tell him that this really isn't done; it's insulting even if it's unintentionally insulting. He should then speak to him family and find out what is at the root of this and it should be corrected (though I suspect the hard feelings are not going to be easily erased....). Ideally, this will fix the issue.

If that doesn't work, your daughter should have a talk with her in-laws; unemotional, honest and heartfelt. She should tell them that she's hurt and bewildered that her family is not invited. See if that works.

Last resort?  She can (ideally supported by him) that she is not interested in participating in an event that is deliberately constructed to split the families.  I hope her bridesmaids will step up to the plate and throw her a great party.  I hope it doesn't go that far.

Weddings bring out some incredibly weird behaviour in otherwise normal people, and I hope this it temporary.  It's not a great way to kick off the blending of two families.   

Best wishes for a fabulous, joyous wedding.  If you want more information or want to let me know what happened, please feel free to reach out!

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Celia Milton


I can answer questions about wedding etiquette, wedding ceremony ideas, reception ideas, sticky situations....really, anything wedding. I cannot give specific legal advice, but I can connect couples with the correct information about state licensing.


After running a successful, upscale catering business for over 15 years, I went to seminary and then Celebrant USA to train as a wedding officiant and become ordained. I have personally officiated at over 700 weddings, and I now head a group of six other officiants. We have written and performed weddings and civil unions for mixed couples, non religious couples, and everyone in between. I am well versed in ethnic and cultural rituals, as well as creating new rituals for my couples that desire them.

American Association of Wedding Officiants New Jersey Wedding and Event Professionals

William Paterson University, BA, Philosophy, 2000 Union Theological in the City of New York, Masters of Divinity, 2003 Drew University at Madison, attended, 2002 Fordham University, Bronx, NY attended, 2003-2004 Celebrant USA, 2005-2006. Graduated in three disciplines

Awards and Honors
145 5 star reviews at Featured on TLC's "Four Weddings", Fox 5's "Good Day Street Talk", in "Contemporary Bride", "NJ Bride",and "201 Magazine" and "Four" "Wedding Wire Brides' Choice 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012", and "Best of the Knot 2011, 2012". Profiled on Sage Wedding Pros, Natalie Bradley's "Bride Attraction" and Small Business and So You're

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