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Wedding Planning/Asking for moms proposal blessing when dad's not involved


Hi Celia,

I am very fortunate to be absolutely in love with my best friend! A very sensible, beautiful, and caring young woman. We have been together for over 2 years, and are currently living together. We have talked about marriage and have a loose 2 and 5 year plan.

I am a traditional guy, and I would like to ask her parents for their blessing before I propose to her. My dilemma is that she does not have a good relationship with her father, and has not spoken to him in many years. her parents are divorced. I have a great relationship with her mom, and have no issue talking to her about this. But I still feel like her father should know my intention before he hears it all through the grapevine.

What should I do? I'm afraid it would offend my girlfriend if I speak to her father. But at the same time, I feel incredibly rude not including him in one of the most important decisions of his daughters life.

Please help!


Hello Mert,
First, congratulations!!!  This is an exciting time for you and your girlfriend.  And a trying time too.

My gut feeling is this; if he has not been a part of her life prior to this, and hasn't taken the initiative to change that, this should be no different.  He has, effectively (and for whatever reason) abdicated from her life.  He made an incredibly rude decision already; a parent is a parent forever.    I'm sure this is painful for her, and it may be for him as well, but if their relationship is broken on a daily basis, I don't know that you should take it upon yourself to speak to him.  It may mean more to you than it does to her.

Family dynamics are weird and fragile things, and oddly enough, major life events like this can sometimes be a catalyst for change or go totally unnoticed.  I would talk to her mother, then ask your girlfriend, and then ask her how she would like you to handle her father.   Whatever decision is the final one will be the right one for her, and for you too.

Good luck, and best wishes for a  resounding "YES!!!!"


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Celia Milton


I can answer questions about wedding etiquette, wedding ceremony ideas, reception ideas, sticky situations....really, anything wedding. I cannot give specific legal advice, but I can connect couples with the correct information about state licensing.


After running a successful, upscale catering business for over 15 years, I went to seminary and then Celebrant USA to train as a wedding officiant and become ordained. I have personally officiated at over 700 weddings, and I now head a group of six other officiants. We have written and performed weddings and civil unions for mixed couples, non religious couples, and everyone in between. I am well versed in ethnic and cultural rituals, as well as creating new rituals for my couples that desire them.

American Association of Wedding Officiants New Jersey Wedding and Event Professionals

William Paterson University, BA, Philosophy, 2000 Union Theological in the City of New York, Masters of Divinity, 2003 Drew University at Madison, attended, 2002 Fordham University, Bronx, NY attended, 2003-2004 Celebrant USA, 2005-2006. Graduated in three disciplines

Awards and Honors
145 5 star reviews at Featured on TLC's "Four Weddings", Fox 5's "Good Day Street Talk", in "Contemporary Bride", "NJ Bride",and "201 Magazine" and "Four" "Wedding Wire Brides' Choice 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012", and "Best of the Knot 2011, 2012". Profiled on Sage Wedding Pros, Natalie Bradley's "Bride Attraction" and Small Business and So You're

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