Weddings/Want to back out
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QUESTION: My 4 yr old has been asked to be a flower girl. For personal reasons I do not want to go to the wedding.
How do I graciously back her out of the wedding? The bride will have 2 other flower girls. Would this be a horrible thing to do? I don't know how to tell the bride and groom.
ANSWER: Hi Lynn,
I wish I could answer that, but there is not enough information here to give a proper answer. How soon is the wedding? How long ago was your daughter asked? Have the dresses been purchased? Is the wedding a long distance? What is the relationship between you and the couple? It's very difficult to graciously back out of a wedding unless there are extenuating circumstances, which you very well may have. "Would this be a horrible thing to do?" No, not horrible, but it could put a strain upon your relationship with the couple if they don't perceive it as a valid reason. Perhaps you could just "suck it up" and be gracious while attending and let your daughter enjoy the festivities -- you may actually enjoy it.
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: My daughter was asked June 07. Wedding is this June 28th.
She will be wearing a dress she already has from a previous wedding. Groom is my 1st cousin and her 2nd cousin. They are early 20's. We live 500 miles from the couple and we only see them once, maybe twice, a year.
It's a 9 hr or longer drive. Thanks for another reply.
Hi Lynn,
A 9(+) hour drive or two pricey plane tickets certainly puts a different spin on things! It is an understandable situation, but weddings somehow make even the most logical and calm people a little wacko (just watch WE tv). As a preliminary step, if his mother or your mother are involved, I would mention my regret that circumstances have changed and it looks like you will not be able to attend the wedding. Let her know that you will be calling the couple shortly to inform them. "I wanted to let you know as soon as possible if you needed to make other arrangements for a flower girl. I am so disappointed that I can't share in the festivities and (my daughter) is let-down, but I told her she could help wrap your gift and mail it, and we are looking forward to seeing the pictures of the new happy couple." As kind as they are to want to include your daughter in their special day, they surely will understand.
Regards,
Brenda,
www.graciousbridal.com
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Answers by Expert:
Brenda Cascio
Expertise
As founder and CEO of GraciousBridal.com, I am pleased to offer suggestions for those puzzling situations such as wanting to give personal gifts to bridesmaids that have totally different interests, how to show appreciation to guests on a budget, what small things that can be done to make a huge impact for the ceremony and reception.
Experience
At the helm of graciousbridal.com, I am up-to-date on the latest trends. Our products have been featured in the finest wedding and style magazines. I am essentially a consultant to consultants. Because many wedding consultants are a small operation, they don't have access to the vendors, markets and other consultants that we have. Therefore, we use our resources to find those elusive items. Having a party and want to re-create the garden at Tavern-On-The-Green? We provided the marbelized balloons. Are you wanting a garden party with lanterns strung through the trees? We have provided the lanterns with coordinating parasols and hand fans. Want to plan a wedding merging two cultures, I can help navigate you through the potentially sticky situations (now is not the time for a social faux-pas!) It is important to be aware of the various customs in different parts of the country too, and I am more than happy to assist brides, moms and consultants in this.
Education/Credentials
Degree in Fine Arts and years of experience in design and marketing prior to becoming involved in the wedding industry.
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