About Lelia Crosby Expertise As CEO and co-founder of www.ForYourBridesmaids.com, I can answer questions about bridesmaid and flower girl etiquette, style, and gifts. Brides, do you have a sticky etiquette situation? Not sure what to get your bridesmaids that will please all the women in your party? Let me help you navigate your attendant issues and select bridesmaid & flower girl gifts with ease.
Experience In co-founding and operating a website exclusively devoted to bridesmaid and flower girl gifts, I am well aquainted with etiquette pertaining to wedding attendants. As the company buyer, I am also experienced in selecting attendants' gifts, from creative to classic.
Education/Credentials B.A. from the University of Virginia
Question Hi Lelia. Well, my fiance is in a wedding in April. The groom is his lifelong very close friend and cousin. However, he recieve the invitation last week... my name was not included on it... nor was "& Guest". I am very hurt by this,and the fact that they singled me out, when they invited all of the other girlfriends/ and fiances & wifes, it really upsets me. ( I know it has nothing to do with monetary issues, its a very large wedding, with a very large reception site). I am not close with his friend who is getting married, nor am i with his soon to be wife--but we are mutual friends and see each other now and again... Sorry that was a little long and drawn out.. anyways. I would rather my fiance never be in the wedding, but i know he could resent be for that reason, so i am not even suggesting it.. I know maybe its wrong, but we are getting married this summer, and I really don't feel like I have to invite them if they did not want me at their wedding, so I feel as if i would be very uncomfortable with them at mine. Im not a spiteful person, and I hope i don't sound that way. But, what should I do? Thanks!
Answer Hi Cait,
You don't sound spiteful at all! I think anyone's feelings would be hurt in this situation, and you have every right to be upset.
The very first thing to do (if you haven't already) is to check and make sure that it wasn't an oversight. As you're probably finding out, wedding planning can be hectic and mistakes happen. For instance, many people have their bridesmaids help with addressing invitations. So you might want to have your fiance diplomatically inquire if they just forgot to put your name on the invite.
Assuming you've checked and they did mean to exclude you, here are some points to consider:
1) I think you're right that your fiance should go ahead and attend the wedding without you. While your fiance's cousin's invitation was unkind and disrespectful, if your fiance doesn't go to the wedding it could cause a lot of heartache in your fiance's family. And that's never a good idea--especially right before your own wedding! Also, if you handle the snub with grace and friendliness, the couple may be relieved at first...but then they may feel pretty bad about excluding you in the first place. (As well they should.)
2) If you can manage it (and if you have the funds to do so), my advice would be to go ahead and invite them to your wedding. You certainly don't have to--it is your wedding! But it could be a wonderful way to show them that even though they hurt you, you don't harbor ill will towards them. Also consider this: while it may be uncomfortable to have them at your wedding, it could be a lot more uncomfortable to exclude them and thereby cause a "scandal" within your fiance's family.
I know that's a lot to ask considering that they've hurt you. But if you can bring yourself to do it, it's a beautiful display of forgiveness, strength and integrity--some of the very qualities that will help you nourish your new marriage.
Whatever you choose, I wish you the best of luck. It sounds like a tough situation, and I admire your levelheadedness. So talk it over with your fiance. See what he thinks. And then do what you both think is right, whatever that may be.
