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About Weddings Etc LLC
Expertise
Wedding traditions, fashions, ceremonies, wedding planning, coordination, customs, how to handle situations that arise, responsibilities, budget planning.

Experience
I''ve been a wedding coordinator for 16 years. I authored a WEDDING PLANNING GUIDE, a Bride''s Workbook, that is available in local bridal shops. Tattered Cover Bookstores in Denver, CO as well as local Borders Books and through my website. I''ve worked with weddings from just 2 people to 350 guests and all budget ranges. I've also written and teach The Art of Wedding Coordination to those who want to become wedding coordinators.

You are here: Experts > Style > Weddings > Weddings > Bride to be changes guest list rules

Weddings - Bride to be changes guest list rules

Expert: Weddings Etc LLC - 10/31/2009

Question
My son and his bride to be are planning a small destination wedding, which they are paying for. I was told by my son that the total guests would be 20-25 and we could invite 10. I made my list which consisted of my 5 siblings and their spouses, my husbands brother and his wife, plus my mom's brother (my mom passed away last) and of course his wife. I knew most of my siblings would not be able to attend due to the distance and cost of the trip. Currently only my husands brother can make the trip. I have a "B" list of relatives that I would like to invite and was planning on inviting them as the declines came in from my siblings. I just recently found out that my Uncle and his wife were not sent an invitation. The bride to be removed their name from the list and stated that their names were not on it. Which is not true. Then I was informed that the guest list is complete, no other relatives can be invited, that they are paying, its their wedding and I must have misunderstood the 10 guest invite. The bride also stated, if she were to let me invite some other relatives then she would have to do the same for her side and that is not happening. I tried to explain the importance of certain relatives, like my uncle for instance, since mom passed away last year. Feeling that there may be a concern on their part that more may attend then the original 10, I explained, I will pay if it goes over the 10. But again the answer was no. My son, very sad to say, sat there and said not a word, until he has prompted by the bride to agree with her. At least I know "who where's the pants now". What can I do? It is important to me to share this day since he is my only remaining child. His sister passed away several years ago and just so that you know, that didnt matter either. Sincerely, One sad Mom

Answer
Dear Amy,

You have my sympathy. Your son should stand up to his bride on this one, because it means a lot to you and since your uncle had been in the original list, was due an invitation.

Talk to your son, tell him how important it is that someone from your family attend and how hurt your uncle will be if he doesn't receive an invite. As you mentioned, there are red flags here. Unfortunately, your son can't see them. Are they going through any kind of premarital counseling? If not, it might be good to suggest it. If your son can't stand up to the bride now, he never will be able to. And, it's his wedding too! Many brides seem to forget this. He has as much right, especially if they are paying for it, to have who he would like as the bride does.

Have coffee with your son and ask him to include your uncle.

Hope this helps. Please let me know if I can be of any further assistance.

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