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Weddings - in-laws trouble

Expert: Weddings Etc LLC - 11/9/2009

Question
QUESTION: Hi
My fiance and i just got engaged recently and i was going over a draft of the guest list for his side of the family with my future mother-in-law and sister-in-law. I wanted a small wedding but his family is quite huge. They started telling me that these people have to be invited and i dont have a choice. we'll my so called "small" wedding just had another 50 people added. My fiance told me we dont have to but I feel very pressured. How would you deal with this with insulting my new family?

ANSWER: Hi Stacy,

Who is paying for the wedding? Is there a budget set yet? This is a good place to start.
Unfortunately, weddings bring out the best and worst in people - family included! This is your wedding and it's important that you have those guests who mean a lot to you and that you know.

Decide the number of guests you want to have - this may also be determined by the venue you select for your wedding/reception. For example, if you select a venue that can only seat 100 guests comfortably with a dance floor, then this will limit your guess list. Once you've determined the number, divide it by three. One-third to your parents, one-third to the groom's parents and one-third for you and the groom. This should help. Also, your groom may need to take a stand and talk with his family.

If you allow your FMIL to dictate to you now, you will always have to deal with things like this. You need to set limits and even though it's very difficult, do it now.

Another option, to keep the wedding small, is to do a destination wedding. This will usually only have really close friends and family, then have a reception for the family and friends who weren't

able to attend the destination wedding.

Hope this helps. You can possibly find additional info that will help at www.weddingsbytanya.com. Please feel free to contact me if I can be of any further assistance.

Stacy,
You aren't being a bridezillia!! You and your fiance are entitled to the wedding you want,especially if you are paying for it, not what others think you should have. Consider hiring a wedding coordinator. We can be very helpful in these situations as your coordinator becomes the "buffer" and authority. Do consider hiring someone to help as it sounds like you could really use it. You'll still have as much planning for a small wedding as for a large one. Remember, you want your planning to go smoothly and you want to enjoy your wedding day!

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi again
I have another issue with my in-laws to be. We're thinking of having a desitnation wedding. Imtold my future sister in-law about it. She saad she wont be able to go cuase of her trip in cuba next year (It not booked yet, or saving up yet). I told my fiance about what she sadi and he was terrable upset. I hate seeing him so upset,and I dont want him to stop talking to his sister because of it (which he said he would do if she pick a trip over our wedding). What do i do! How can I help?

Answer
Hi Stacy,

This sounds like a power play on his sister's part. The way I look at it is that your fiance should talk to her and let her know how important it is for the two of you that she be at your wedding. If she decides to skip it to go to Cuba, it will be her loss.

You'll need to take the higher road and let her make her decision. My guess is that she will go to your wedding once she sees that you are standing firm.

Just tell her that you have made this decision for your wedding, and if she doesn't come, she'll be missed and leave it at that.

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