AboutBrenda Cascio Expertise As founder and CEO of GraciousBridal.com, I am pleased to offer suggestions for those puzzling situations such as wanting to give personal gifts to bridesmaids that have totally different interests, how to show appreciation to guests on a budget, what small things that can be done to make a huge impact for the ceremony and reception.
Experience At the helm of graciousbridal.com, I am up-to-date on the latest trends. Our products have been featured in the finest wedding and style magazines. I am essentially a consultant to consultants. Because many wedding consultants are a small operation, they don't have access to the vendors, markets and other consultants that we have. Therefore, we use our resources to find those elusive items. Having a party and want to re-create the garden at Tavern-On-The-Green? We provided the marbelized balloons. Are you wanting a garden party with lanterns strung through the trees? We have provided the lanterns with coordinating parasols and hand fans. Want to plan a wedding merging two cultures, I can help navigate you through the potentially sticky situations (now is not the time for a social faux-pas!) It is important to be aware of the various customs in different parts of the country too, and I am more than happy to assist brides, moms and consultants in this.
Education/Credentials Degree in Fine Arts and years of experience in design and marketing prior to becoming involved in the wedding industry.
Question My son and his fiancee' are making their rehearsal dinner plans with my son's stepmother, as his dad and she have more income than my husband and me. She was the source of my previous marriage ending in divorce. My ex had been married before and had two children whose mother had died before we were married. When he became involved with my son's stepmother his children were instructed to call her Mom. When his son married, even though I had raised him for nine years, the stepmother danced with him at his wedding, was involved in all the planning, and I was not even mentioned. Her son from a previous marriage was later married and she was involved, of course, in all of that. She has had two son's weddings. This is my only child soon to be married and I feel very hurt that the reason she is taking over the planning for the rehearsal dinner is because of her and my son's dad's ability to pay for everything. My husband I have made it clear that we will pay our half, but my son knows we can't afford what they want to do and believes it should be proportional, so he is having us pay for the flowers. I want to be involved in the planning for the dinner, regardless of who pays, as this is MY SON, not hers, and my only child. I don't want to cause undue stress or grief to my son or my future daughter-in-law, but feel this would not even be an issue if my husband and I had the income my son's dad and stepmother have. Please advise as to how to handle this. Thank you so much!
Answer Hi Lilly,
It would be so nice if we could just give pat answers and that was that. This situation is not one of them. All the family dynamics come out during weddings. Everything that has been simmering on the back burner for years, finally bubbles up. Raw feelings are exposed and old wounds are opened again. Keep in mind that this is your son's wedding, and is not about you. I don't mean that callously at all, it is just a mantra that you will need to continue to keep in mind to guide your responses and your actions. I don't know what the financial situation is for either you or your ex-husband. Perhaps they can afford to throw the lavish event that the young couple wants. Perhaps, if you and your husband shared the expense, knowing your financial situation, your son would feel obligated to cut back, and then not have the elaborate event they desired. I don't know the dynamics involved here. I do know that if it were me, I would sit my child down (after prayerfully requesting that the Lord guide my words) and tell him why I want to share in hosting this event. I would tell him that I love him, and that it is important to me to be a part of this, and though I know that he is limiting my contribution to just flowers out of concern for my finances, that I do want to share in the entire expense. I would be very careful to not take jabs at his father or stepmother, but let him know how important he is, and to be left out of hosting this hurts. It hurt with the stepbrother's wedding, and it especially hurts now. I would let him know that you want to be listed on the invitation as hosting, and that nothing would give you more pride than to dance with him at this wedding. Maybe he is concerned about fireworks if both you and the stepmother are planning something together, and this is his way of avoiding it. So answer that issue by taking the high road. "I know that your stepmother and I have never gotten along, but this is an important event for you and I am more than willing to cast aside any differences and work together to make this special." And finally, realize that this is HIS event, and if he so chooses to keep the situation the way it is, you can feel good about how you handled it. We all get hurt by those we love, but we are called to continue to love them and keep the lines of communication open. When that grandbaby comes, you want to have a good relationship with both he and his wife. I wish you the very best.
Brenda Cascio,
www.GraciousBridal.com
