Expert: Weddings Etc LLC - 6/1/2009

Question
When my neighbor became engaged last year she asked that I be in her wedding this August.  Because I'm 57 and she's 24 I told her I would but then she was able to get enough girlfriends her age to be in the wedding.  Since last year my neighbor and her mom have been telling me what a grand time we were going to have at the wedding.  Now my neighbor has told me I can't come to the wedding.  Because of financial problems they have had to cut the neighbors out.  Now my neighbor came over today hinting around to see if I was going to still give her a wedding gift. What would be the proper thing to do?

Answer
Hi Mona,

Unfortunately, when people get engaged, they don't stop and think before they start asking people to be in their wedding party and inviting them to the wedding. Obviously, she must think a lot of you to have asked you.  It's always sad when people are "dis-invited" to be part of the wedding party let alone the wedding.  However, in this economy, more weddings are having to downsize.

As for the gift,one is never required to give a wedding gift, even when invited to a wedding. You are invited to celebrate the couple, not invited to bring a gift.  If you've been good friends and neighbors you may want to give a small gift or you give them a nice card.  Either would be appropriate.  You shouldn't feel pressured to gift.  Do it only if you want to.

Hope this helps.  Please let me know if I can be of any further assistance.