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Me and my fiance are planning a destination wedding at Sandals which is an all adult property. Together we have three children I have two and he has one. The ages at the time of the wedding will be 12,10, and 6. I love my children and would love for them to be at the wedding but have made the decision for them not to be there. He however wants his child to be at the wedding. None of the children are going to be in the wedding as it will be a pretty small ceremony. The reason for me not wanting my children to attend is because of the short time they are allowed on the property which is during the ceremony, feeling the obligation to pay for the accommodations for my father to watch the children while away travel with them back home and watch them at home while we are on our honeymoon, along with cost of flights and passports. I just feel like it will be wasting money that we were supposed to be saving by doing a destination wedding for our everyday life after all the glitz and glamour is done. We looked into beaches but are worried that for the honeymoon we won't get the adult only feel and privacy or enjoyment that we wish to have being that it is a family resort. Having the ceremony at Beaches and then staying at Sandals will cost just as much as bringing the children. So my question is how do you handle a situation like this. Again I love my children and wish to have them there but I also care about their everyday well being and being able to take care of them financially after the wedding. Am I wrong for feeling this way and would it be wrong to really not bring them?

Dear Kenyatta,

Whenever there are children involved, it can create some sticky situations. I have a couple of suggestions:

1) Have a wedding videographer tape the wedding so your children and father can be a part of the ceremony.  You could even arrange for a small cake (6") that they can share in your honor.  Also, consider Skyping it so they can witness it first hand.  

2) When you get home, have a special ceremony with the children, where you can present them with a symbol that you are all now a family.  There are special medallions made for children when there's a second marriage.

You could do a special evening with just the kids, maybe go out for dinner, or away for a week-end as it's very important that they all feel included in the family.  

You didn't say what your fiance is planning to do with his child during this time.  
Another option is to do another ceremony for family and your children upon your return.  This way everyone would feel included.  

I hope these ideas will help.  Please let me know if I can be of any further assistance.  


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Weddings Etc LLC


Wedding traditions, fashions, ceremonies, wedding planning, coordination, customs, how to handle situations that arise, responsibilities, budget planning.


I''ve been a wedding coordinator for 16 years. I authored a WEDDING PLANNING GUIDE, a Bride''s Workbook, that is available in local bridal shops. Tattered Cover Bookstores in Denver, CO as well as local Borders Books and through my website. I''ve worked with weddings from just 2 people to 350 guests and all budget ranges.   I've also written and teach The Art of Wedding Coordination to those who want to become wedding coordinators.

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