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Weddings/Recently separated parents


Hello!  I am getting married in 4 months, my parents are not paying for the wedding but have given me a small amount towards the dress. Two days ago my father left my mom for another woman after 39 yrs of marriage. At this moment I do not want my father at the wedding or reception, is this wrong?  I do to want to put my mother in an bad situation and I am definitely no inviting my fathers new "girl". But is it ok to exclude him from the wedding in its entirety?

Congratulations on your engagement.  It is not a good time to have family troubles, is it?  I'm sorry your happy news is being shadowed by your parent's troubles.

As a bride, you are always free to not invite someone to your wedding.  However, the thing to remember is that the decisions you make about your wedding sometimes have a far reaching consequence.

Obviously, if you intend to exclude your father from your wedding, you won't be asking him to contribute financially to it.  

I definitely understand wanting to make sure your mother gets to enjoy the day.  Have you discussed this situation with your mother?  Is she aware you want to leave your father of the guest list?  Often times parents, even the middle of a divorce, are capable of rallying for the sake of their child and can manage to get along just fine at the wedding.  You just have to make sure the relevant the photographer and DJ..are aware of the circumstance.  Of course, you will want to seat them at separate tables.

If your mother supports your choice, I suggest you at least write your father and explain to him why you are making that decision.  Avoid a lot of blaming or aggression, just be matter of fact.  I would like to think that he will understand the situation.

You have a new family now...your soon to be husband and his family.  Ask for and use their support.  Get input from people you trust that can help you sort out reactionary feelings from the reality of the situation.  Perhaps you have a pastor or counselor you can discuss this with?

There is nothing 'wrong' with asking your father to not attend, given the circumstances.  But, you have to ask yourself that when you look back on this day five, ten, twenty years from now, will you still be ok with your choice?  Also, ask yourself if his absence could possibly cause more problems than his presence.  Do you have family members like grandparents, aunts & uncles or cousins that will notice his absence....or even be offended by it?  Will these people 'boycott' your wedding if you exclude him?

Ultimately, you should focus on choices that both allow you to celebrate your new marriage but also leave you feeling secure about your future.

With enough self examination, I think you will find the right balance for your particular circumstances.

Good luck, enjoy the day, and let me know if you have more questions.


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Ronni Johnston


I can easily answer any questions related to wedding planning, bridal consulting, wedding officiating including ceremony and vows ideas. I have a strong suit in discussing decorating, logistics and theme weddings. Discussing the issues of budget, maximizing the value of the budget and avoiding unnecessary expenses is a common subject. As a bridal consultant issues involving family issues and social expectations fall into my epertise as well. I can answer many questions involving wedding vendors but would be limited to the 'end user' side of technical services such as wedding photography, videography and various forms of digital services, like the specifics of setting up a slideshow. I understand and can answer questions involving when it should be used, who we should hire to do it, but the set up and which equipment to best use I would be referring to a vendor.


I have owned and operated my own Bridal Consultant company, Perfect Touch Custom Weddings since 2004. I have worked, and continue to work as a wedding officiant for over 17 years. I am an Accredited Bridal Consultant and Certified Wedding and Event Planner. I teach a wedding and event planning class at the local community college through Lovegevity's Wedding Planning Institute. I am the director the the Association of Bridal Consultants Local Networking Group - Wichita. Outside the wedding industry, my event planning experience is extensive including planning 3 yearly educational conferences in a multi-state union, album/cd release parties, concerts, renaissance fair in a private setting, trade shows, wakes, funerals,memorial service, retirement parties, high impact birthdays and much more.

Association of Bridal Consultants, current status Accredited Bridal Consultant.

The KS/Mo current edition of the Knot Winter Issue of WedPlan KS

In this industry, my educational credits are the designation and training for Accredited Bridal Consultant with the Association of Bridal Consultants. I also have the designation of Certified Wedding and Event Planner.

Past/Present Clients
We do about25 to 50 weddings per year as either full service or day of only. We perform well in excess of 100 wedding per year as officiants. My clients have ranged from elaborate weddings with budgets in excess of 100K and 8 hour receptions to simpler affairs with tight budgets - sometimes even the cake and punch variety. We've had clients with unique themes and clients who ask for most or all of their wedding planning to take place in very short periods of time. Our typical wedding is 175-200 guests, a budgget in the 30K-50 range. This past year, there have been smaller weddings with guests of 100-150, budgets in the 15-25K range. The largest wedding guest count we've handled was just over 600. We've handled several wedding with more than 200 and 300 guests. "We" means my company where sometimes my partner has to handle the day of details because I have one of my own but I have been responsible for all planning and supervise all details for each wedding.

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