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Me and my fiance are well into our 40's and we pretty much have everything a household needs, wine glasses, flutes, dinnerware, blenders, etc. Is there a tactful way of saying, it's a monetary wedding. Or is there such a thing??? How would we even word that in the invitation? We want to keep it tactful, classy and not offensive.

First, congratulations on your wedding! There really isn't a tactful way to say 'no gifts' just as there really isn't a tactful way to say, 'yes! We want lots of gifts!'  If invitations have gone out to people whom you know well, they will know your situation and will know you as an already established couple. Not registering for gifts will also be a tell tale sign. You can also tell your parents, siblings, and others close to you that you prefer to not receive gifts, and they can share that news personally. People will respond without you having said a word (do not put this on your invitations, by the way) and you will receive cash as wedding gifts, lovingly tucked into cards wishing you both a lifetime of happiness, at the wedding. The only time this gets tricky is when someone wants to host a shower in your honor. Showers are traditionally a time to 'shower' the happy couple with items for their new life. It might be wise to skip the shower route altogether just for that reason. But, as you attend parties and gatherings in your honor, you may just receive an occasional gift. If you do, smile graciously, accept it graciously, and try to use it at least once before you pass it on. But don't discount the ingenuity of your friends to give you something that you may not have even realized you wanted! In short, there is no elegant way to request no gifts. The people who know and love you are well aware of your situation. Use them to spread the word tactfully.


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The Reverend Patt Kauffman


I can answer questions about what is proper in Lutheran and Episcopal weddings. I can answer questions about the Scripture readings and the use of music in the liturgy. I can answer questions about the Holy Eucharist. I can answer general questions concerning the liturgy and its importance.


I am an ordained Lutheran pastor currently serving in a congregation that has also served (3years) in an Episcopal congregation.

Master's of Divinity, Union Theological Seminary, undergraduate degrees in theology and history

Awards and Honors
Who's Who of American Women (2005)

Past/Present Clients
Have officiated at weddings for the last eight years; have added/subtracted all kinds of elements to make worship personal to the couple.

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