You are here:

Weddings/Guest list for divorced father of the groom


My son's wedding is coming up at the end of June 2016. I have been asked to do nothing. I have been asked to provide nothing (e.g., an invitation list).  My request to invite ONLY my sister has been denied. My invitation was addressed to MR. Murphy, even though I earned a Ph.D. 22 years ago.  The full salutaion was Mr. Murphy and CHILDREN, even though my oldest daughter by my second wife is 20yo.  I image that the invitation of CHILDREN was chosen to stanch any possible invitation of my sister (Family).
This kind of pettiness is ABSOLUTELY expected of my ex-wife (speaking of children). But, I don't want to cause a rift with my son. Is there anything I can do? More importantly, is there anything I should do?

I'm out of town but will answer when I return on Monday.

So sorry for the delay.  I totally understand your disappointment in the way you are being treated.  Actually, the invitation was correctly addressed as Dr. ( as in Ph.D. is used only in the academic setting.  My husband was also a Ph.D.)  The invitations were issued by the bride's family, so they should have been the ones to request an invitation list from you.  I'd say they are not well versed in wedding ettiquite!  Is there a reason they don't want your sister involved?  Usually there's a reason, for example if a person is an alcoholic etc. and the hosts are afraid they may cause a scene.  Find out then let your son know how important it is to you to have her share in their special day.  You could also offer to host or co-host the rehearsal dinner as this is usually the groom's family's responsibility.  It's to bad your ex is still so bitter.  Weddings tend to bring out the best and the worst in people and she's using this to get back at would appear to me.  

One way to handle this, is to have lunch or coffee with the couple and discuss your feelings with them.  You are STILL part of the family and your sister is your son's aunt.  

Bottom line, you should be treated as an equal.  At the ceremony, You should be seated in the row behind your ex-wife on the right hand side.  

This is a hard and emotional time for you all, but be the adult!  Remember it's the couple's day.  

I hope this helps.  Please let me know if I can be of any further assistance.  


All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts


Weddings Etc LLC


Wedding traditions, fashions, ceremonies, wedding planning, coordination, customs, how to handle situations that arise, responsibilities, budget planning.


I''ve been a wedding coordinator for 16 years. I authored a WEDDING PLANNING GUIDE, a Bride''s Workbook, that is available in local bridal shops. Tattered Cover Bookstores in Denver, CO as well as local Borders Books and through my website. I''ve worked with weddings from just 2 people to 350 guests and all budget ranges.   I've also written and teach The Art of Wedding Coordination to those who want to become wedding coordinators.

©2017 All rights reserved.