About Helen Joan Casper Expertise I can answer questions regarding do-it-yourself wedding creations (garters, pillows, favors, centerpieces, flower arrangements, etc), wedding traditions, wedding etiquette, engagement and wedding ring questions, proposal questions, reception menu questions, cake decorating/wedding cake questions, do-it-yourself reception questions, vegetarian/vegan reception questions, incorporating children in a ceremony, writing your own ceremony, writing vows, choosing readings, attire questions (wedding gowns, bridesmaid gowns, tuxedo rental), invitation questions, and have extensive knowledge in hotel/lodging questions as well as wedding consumer advocacy and vendor questions.
Experience I have over 4 years experience in the retail industry, over 3 years experience in the hotel & lodging industry, and I've created an online wedding encyclopedia.
Publications AppleBride online wedding encyclopedia as well as numerous wedding message boards and communities. I am also a highly rated expert here at AllExperts in role-playing games, console video games, childbirth, and doulas. I've been an expert here since 2000. Awards and Honors I have been nominated for Volunteer of the Month here on AllExperts numerous times and am considered "best of the best" in every category.
Awards and Honors I have been nominated for Volunteer of the Month here on AllExperts numerous times and am considered "best of the best" in every category.
Question My daughter is getting married out of state and we are traveling there for the festivities. I have paid for the SUV limo for the bridal party to ride in after the ceremony for pictures in different spots and to the reception. We however are not familiar with their city and did not want to drive to the reception because of the long day and wanted to relax and be driven to the reception in a small 4 door sedan limo ourselves. My daughter started a big fight with us that we were upstageing her by riding in a limo to the hall. Her argument is what will the other family members say and the grooms parents then should ride with us if we are going to rent one. We were going to invite 2 other family members to join us as they are from out of state also and we could relax and ride to the reception together. My daughter is furious that I am going to do this. I feel she is being ridiculous when she is going to be riding around in an overpriced SUV limo for $600 that we paid for and we are just using our limo to take us like a cab to the hall. Taxi's are very dirty and we will all be dressed up formal. She has expressed that it is not customary for the parents to ride in a limo and so it shouldn't happen at all and we should either drive ourselves or ride with someone else. We don't feel she has the right to make such demands on us. It's my money shouldn't I be able to spend it how I choose? It's just a car ride. What on earth is the big deal with this? I think she is out of line by how she is treating us and we are contributors to her wedding and just because it is her wedding doesn't mean she can boss us around and tell us what we can or cannot do. What is the protocol for this if any?
Answer It is not at all uncommon for the parents of the betrothed couple or other family members to also ride in a limo to the ceremony and/or reception. (As a matter of fact, it is customary for the bride to ride with her father to the ceremony site in a limo.) However, it seems that your daughter may be sensitive to the feelings of her fiancé's parents. If they cannot afford a limo themselves, she may be afraid that they will take offense. Are you riding in a limo to the ceremony site? If so, it would be quite unusual for you to suddenly take a cab to the reception.
Traditional etiquette states that a gift is a gift and should not be given on condition. The money you are contributing to her wedding is a gift. It is wonderful that you are treating your daughter and her wedding party to such a luxurious treat. Surely you would never dream to tell a relative how she should use a gift certificate you bought her for her birthday. While a wedding is a much more expensive gift than that, it is considered a gift nonetheless. Most brides, out of respect for their parents' generosity, will consider their desires. Your daughter may be acting ungrateful but it is up to you to "take the higher ground" in this situation. =)
I recommend renting the limo but inviting the groom's parents to share it with you (as well as any other family members). This will be a great way to chat with your new in-laws and will show solidarity of the family- not to mention endear you greatly with her husband's parents. In addition, it is the most tasteful way to get what you want without causing a rift with your daughter. This would be the proper etiquette in this situation- as well as a win-win solution for everyone. It is definitely the course of action that will showcase how kind and well-mannered you are. =)
If for whatever reason it is completely out-of-the-question to include the groom's parents, you may want to consider hiring a town car instead. These are spacious luxury cars that do not have the appearance of a limousine. As it would look like any full-sized car, I cannot imagine your daughter would have a problem with this.
I wish you the best of luck and I hope the rest of the wedding planning (and the wedding) is much less frustrating. =)
