AboutHelen Joan Casper Expertise I can answer questions regarding do-it-yourself wedding creations (garters, pillows, favors, centerpieces, flower arrangements, etc), wedding traditions, wedding etiquette, engagement and wedding ring questions, proposal questions, reception menu questions, cake decorating/wedding cake questions, do-it-yourself reception questions, vegetarian/vegan reception questions, incorporating children in a ceremony, writing your own ceremony, writing vows, choosing readings, attire questions (wedding gowns, bridesmaid gowns, tuxedo rental), invitation questions, and have extensive knowledge in hotel/lodging questions as well as wedding consumer advocacy and vendor questions.
Experience I have over 4 years experience in the retail industry, over 3 years experience in the hotel & lodging industry, and I've created an online wedding encyclopedia.
Publications AppleBride online wedding encyclopedia as well as numerous wedding message boards and communities. I am also a highly rated expert here at AllExperts in role-playing games, console video games, childbirth, and doulas. I've been an expert here since 2000. Awards and Honors I have been nominated for Volunteer of the Month here on AllExperts numerous times and am considered "best of the best" in every category.
Awards and Honors I have been nominated for Volunteer of the Month here on AllExperts numerous times and am considered "best of the best" in every category.
Question Please help on what I should do. I have been totally left out of all of the planning...all I know is that the mother of the bride is wearing a blue cocktail length dress...and it was only because I asked..the bride, her mother, and her sisters are all getting a massage, hair and nails done, etc., but I wasn't invited. My girlfriends wanted to have a bridal luncheon for the bride, but she refused, saying that she was busy...I don't know anything about the wedding at all, except where it is and what time...I don't know what to wear, don't know what to do..the wedding is in two weeks and I feel that I should be doing something, but have not been asked, and I am puzzled, because this is my first wedding. My son has not been helpful, he said just show up and be happy for them, but I am really feeling sorrow.
Answer This is a hard issue because the decision on whom to include in activities with her is left up to the bride. Traditionally in American culture, the only thing the mother of the groom did in wedding ceremonies was to just show up and give her best to her son, so her doing things with her own mother and friends is not abnormal. However, have there been any fights or sore feelings between the two of you? If so, she may be overly sensitive about what has passed and therefore feel uncomfortable including you. However, there are also other scenarios: she may be shy and not feel comfortable with people outside of her group of people she knows, or she may not realize that you want to be included. A lot of brides concentrate a lot on their attendants and the wedding at hand that it doesn't occur to them to include the bride's mother. Also, the mother-in-law generally doesn't hold a separate luncheon for the bride unless they are very close. It may be that the bride thinks you're trying to control the wedding in some way and this may put her on the defensive. Many brides have a hard enough time with their own mothers during wedding planning so even completely benevolent acts from others may be seen as an attack.
At this point, two weeks before the wedding, there isn't much that you can do. After the wedding, have the newlyweds over for dinner. Gently talk to them about how you felt during the wedding and ask if there was something you had done to offend them. Don't cry or be dramatic about it- just ask genuinely and openly. Hopefully, whatever issues your son's bride has towards you can be worked out then.
As for the wedding, go out and get your hair done, etc. with your girlfriends. Enjoy yourself and be happy that you're not involved with the stress! =) Remember that your son does love you and any issues there are between you and his wife will be resolved in time. The key here is to remember that this is their day and the important thing is what they get out of the wedding. Put on a smile and enjoy yourself as a guest! =) It may be difficult at first, but remember that you may further push away your son and his bride if you try to push the issue this close to the wedding.
