Expert: LA Lovette - 9/27/2007

Question
okay so here is my story me and my boyfriend have had anal sex  almost 10 times now and i'd say three of the times just as it started it hurt really bad and i had to stop. the other times it was amazing i love the feeling of it but i was wondering is there anyway to stop it from hurting sometimes or to tell when it will?

thanks

Answer
Hi Kaitlyn,

Anal sex can be very tricky.  But the general consensus is just what you've said; when it's good, it's really good.

There are several factors to consider.
1) How excited are you when you do it?  Your level of arousal can affect how relaxed you are.  Some women relax the more excited they get, others get more tense, especially in that area.  Relaxing your sphincter can take practice.  Rubbing it gently before helps. Have him insert a finger gently to start the opening.  Also, when he's starting to enter, push out slightly, like you are trying to have a bowel movement. This will assist with the opening and relaxation.
2) How much and what kind of lubrication were you using?  This is one time during sex that friction is very very bad.  You'll want to always always always use a water based lube, and avoid any type of warming or scented/flavored lubes. And NEVER use numbing creams! Pain is your body's way of telling you something isn't right. You need that gauge to decide whether to continue with the activity at that time.
3) Did he wear a condom?  I would recommend that a condom be used every time, simply for hygiene reasons.  Condoms do have a tendency to dry out faster than going without a condom. Dry = pain. Again, another reason to use a lot of lubrication.
4) How aroused is he? If he's very aroused, he'll be harder and bigger, which will cause more stretching.  You may want to start off with him a little less excited, that way you'll adjust and stretch with his arousal.
5) How fast did you go?  Even the most experienced anal sex lovers will tell you to take your time, every time.
6) Hygiene is vital.  Do NOT let him insert any finger, toy or his penis back into your vagina after it's been in your rectum.  No matter how clean you are, there is always normal bacteria that could cause infection and odor. If you want to have normal intercourse afterward, have him put on a fresh condom. Any toy you use should be thoroughly washed with antibacterial soap. I recommend that you don't use vibrating toys for anal play.  I think silicone or glass dildos are always best, and they can be safely washed in the dishwasher,ensuring sterilization.
7) Finally, be aware of your rectal health.  If you've had a bout of inflamed hemorrhoids, or if you've been constipated, it would be wise to wait until your body has returned to normal to avoid further harm or irritation.

I suggest you get this book as it's known as the Butt Bible and comes highly recommended from the anal sex lovers community
http://store.babeland.com/books-sex-information/anal-pleasure-and-health

I hope I've helped!