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About Sonia Pressman Fuentes
Expertise
I am an author, public speaker, feminist leader and lawyer. I was the first woman attorney in the Office of the General Counsel at the EEOC (Equal Employment Opportunity Commission) and a founder of WEAL (Women`s Equity Action League) and FEW (Federally Employed Women). I am an expert in the field of women`s rights to be free of employment discrimination based on sex.
Experience
I spent eight years as an attorney with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) and worked for one year as a volunteer attorney with the Montgomery County, MD, Human Relations Commission. I have lectured all over the world and the U.S. on women's rights to be free of employment discrimination based on sex and had articles on the subject published in newspapers, magazines, and journals and on the Internet. I also spent 11 years with multinational corporations in the field of EEO and labor law.
Organizations
I belong to NOW and the Veteran Feminists of America nationally and the Brandeis University National Women's Committee in Sarasota, FL. I am a member of the board of Americans United for the Separation of Church and State in Sarasota, FL.
Publications
See my Web site at http://www.erraticimpact.com/fuentes for articles written by me, information on my memoir, "Eat First--You Don't Know What They'll Give You, The Adventures of an Immigrant Family and Their Feminist Daughter," and interviews of me.
Education/Credentials
I have an LLB from the University of Miami School of Law in Florida.
Awards and Honors
I received a superior performance award at the EEOC and was inducted into the Maryland Women's Hall of Fame, among other awards and honors.
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You are here: Experts > News/Issues > Women's Issues > Women`s Issues > This is confusing
Expert: Sonia Pressman Fuentes
Date: 5/10/2008
Subject: This is confusing
Question
QUESTION: I am confused about something, and I wondered if you could share your thoughts. I have always disliked the fact that the bible instructs women to obey their husbands. I got into a discussion on an on-line forum about this, and explained that I believed that the bible was promoting a slave/master relationship between husband and wife, and I could not believe in a god that did not believe women were equal. Here was the response I got:
I originally HATED the thought of submission, but it was because I didn't fully understand or have knowledge of what the Bible said. I now see that the ideal relationship from God's viewpoint is one that reflects his image. Men have some qualities that are like God, and women have others; together, in a good PARTNERSHIP, we can reflect those qualities and help show God's love. Another said:
Yes, the Bible does say that women are to submit to their husbands. I did not deny that. Please do not flatter yourself in thinking that you know more than I.
But the Bible also commands men to "love their wives the way Christ loved the church" and to "care for their wives as they would care for themselves". If it calls men superior, it does not mean superior in value, only in authority over the home. Men are to be the head of the house, but that does not mean that they are to use their authority to mistreat their wives. On the contrary, they are to spoil their wives.
That is kind of confusing. She said I am misinterpreting what it meant, but it seems pretty clear to me. Even if a man DOES in fact treat his wife with respect and kindness, that is still not equality right? I mean, would it be okay to own slaves if the slaveowner was kind to his slaves? THanks. Please help me understand this, cause I am confused.
Liv
ANSWER: Dear Liv:
I may not be the best person to answer this question. I am a secular Jew. I do not know whether or not there is a God, but I do know the bible was written by men and represents the thoughts of its authors and the societies they were living in at the time they wrote the various sections of the bible. I would certainly never base my life in the 21st century on what these men wrote thousands of years earlier.
I do not believe one person, regardless of gender, race, or religion, should "submit" (whatever that means) to another person. I believe men and women are equal and are entitled to equally develop their potential to the fullest. There is no reason members of one sex should be the head of the household.
I see nothing confusing about this. It only becomes confusing if you try to square today's ideas about equality with the ideas of men reflecting their cultures thousands of years ago when equality between sexes, races, religions, and ethnic groups was not the norm.
Best regards,
Sonia
Sonia Pressman Fuentes
website: http://www.erraticimpact.com/fuentes
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Well the reason I was confused is becaue this person seemed to be contradicting herself. To me "head of the household" implies that the person is in charge, but she said that it didn't mean that at all. That since the husband has to treat his wife with respect and take her feelings into consideration, that means she is an equal. But why not just say that then? Why say the man is the head of the household? TO me that means that he is the boss. A parent might take a chids feelings and wishings into account too, but it is NOT an equal relationship. I don't know if I am conveying what I really want to say here.
I know you said that you do not know for sure if there is a god and don't believe the bible to be the word of god. But for the sake of argument if you DID believe that, how would you interpret that particular verse? I have heard a lot of christian women say they got angry when they first heard the word submit, until they understood what god meant by it. THAT is what confuses me. The definition of the word is pretty straightforward. Sorry to bug you again. Thanks.
Answer
Hi Again:
Since you ask me what I think about the language in the bible itself, I checked first with regard to the word "submit" in the dictionary. Its meaning is clear; one of the definitions is “to yield oneself to the authority or will of another.”
I also checked on google as to where the bible states that the wife must submit to the will of the husband and was surprised to find these many references:
Why, how, and to what extent, must a wife submit to her husband?
A. Why must a wife submit?
1. It is fitting and proper in the Lord: Col 3:18
2. That Word may not be dishonored: Tit 2:5
3. It pleases God: Col 3:20
4. Good and long life: Eph 6:3
5. God will reward: Eph 6:8; Col 3:24
6. Adorns the gospel: Tit 2:10
7. Win to Christ: 1 Pe 3:1
B. How must a wife submit?
1. With genuine respect: Eph 5:33
2. In the fear of Christ: Eph 5:21
3. With obedience: Eph 6:5
4. With fear and trembling: Eph 6:5
5. from the heart and soul: Col 3:22-23
6. with a gentle and quiet spirit: 1 Pe 3:4
7. With goodwill, as to the Lord: Eph 6:7
8. Submit as though you were submitting to the Lord: Col 3:23
9. Not eye-service but sincerely from heart: Eph 6:6; Col 3:22
10. Well-pleasing and not argumentative: Tit 2:9
11. To be ready to do any good deed: Tit 3:1
12. With chaste and respectful behavior: 1 Pe 3:2
13. verbally accepting them as leader, boss, authority etc: 1 Pe 3:6 "Sarah called him lord"
14. Clothing yourself with humility: 1 Pe 5:5
C. To what extent must the wife submit? "all things"
1. Wives must submit to their husbands as though he were the Lord: Eph 5:22
2. Husband is head of the wife as Christ is head of the church: Eph 5:22
1. As the church is subject to Christ, wives must be subject to their husbands: Eph 5:24
2. Slaves to masters: Tit 2:9 "in everything"
3. Children to parents: Col 3:20 "in all things"
4. Must submit even when mistreated and wronged: 1 Pe 2:18-23
5. In all things not in violation or conflict to God's laws: Acts 5:29
D. "Husband is ‘God on Earth?’" God says, "as to the Lord": Eph 5:22
1. When husband requires, it is as if Jesus Christ has spoken to you.
2. No, your husband is not God, you should not worship him, but if he asks you to do something, you should answer him the same way you would answer God if He asked you the same thing.
I found also the following:
"In like manner also let wives [same as in submissiveness to government authorities (1 Peter 2:13-17)] be subject to their husbands: . . . For after this manner heretofore the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection to their own husbands: As Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord (Gen. 18:12) whose daughters you are, doing well, and not fearing any disturbance." (1 Peter 3: 1-6)
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"But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; . . . The man indeed ought not to cover his head, because he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of the man. For the man is not of the woman, but the woman of the man. For the man was not created for the woman, but the woman for the man. (1 Corinthians 11: 3-10)
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"Let the woman learn in silence, with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to use authority over the man: but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed; then Eve. And Adam was not seduced; but the woman being seduced, was in the transgression. Yet she shall be saved through childbearing; if she continue in faith, and love, and sanctification, with sobriety." (1 Timothy 2:11-15)
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"Let women be subject to their husbands, as to the Lord: Because the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church. He is the saviour of his body. Therefore as the church is subject to Christ, so also let the wives be to their husbands in all things. (Ephesians 5: 22-30)
I do not understand why, if you check sources and see that the bible is replete with references to the wife’s submission to her husband, you then become confused when others tell you it doesn’t mean what it says it means but that because a husband must treat his wife with respect and take her feelings into consideration that means she is an equal. If you see a cow and I tell you it is a horse, do you find that confusing? Do you have no confidence in what your eyes and brain tell you? Human beings should treat each other and all living things with respect and take their feelings into consideration. That does not necessarily mean all living things are equal. I should treat my dog with respect and take its feelings into consideration; that does not make it my equal with regard to who makes the decisions in my household.
I also looked up “head of household” as to its appearance in the bible. I do not know that that phrase is used in the bible but I found this in Genesis 3:16:
To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.”
That sure doesn’t sound like equality to me.
Best regards,
Sonia
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