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About Sonia Pressman Fuentes
Expertise
I am an author, public speaker, feminist leader and lawyer. I was the first woman attorney in the Office of the General Counsel at the EEOC (Equal Employment Opportunity Commission) and a founder of WEAL (Women`s Equity Action League) and FEW (Federally Employed Women). I am an expert in the field of women`s rights to be free of employment discrimination based on sex.

Experience
I spent eight years as an attorney with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) and worked for one year as a volunteer attorney with the Montgomery County, MD, Human Relations Commission. I have lectured all over the world and the U.S. on women's rights to be free of employment discrimination based on sex and had articles on the subject published in newspapers, magazines, and journals and on the Internet. I also spent 11 years with multinational corporations in the field of EEO and labor law.

Organizations
I belong to NOW and the Veteran Feminists of America nationally and the Brandeis University National Women's Committee in Sarasota, FL. I am a member of the board of Americans United for the Separation of Church and State in Sarasota, FL.

Publications
See my Web site at http://www.erraticimpact.com/fuentes for articles written by me, information on my memoir, "Eat First--You Don't Know What They'll Give You, The Adventures of an Immigrant Family and Their Feminist Daughter," and interviews of me.

Education/Credentials
I have an LLB from the University of Miami School of Law in Florida.

Awards and Honors
I received a superior performance award at the EEOC and was inducted into the Maryland Women's Hall of Fame, among other awards and honors.

You are here: Experts > News/Issues > Women's Issues > Women`s Issues > Can you help?

Women`s Issues - Can you help?

Expert: Sonia Pressman Fuentes - 11/4/2009

Question
QUESTION: Hi Sonia. I am writing to bring something to your attention that I found very disturbing and troubling. I was browsing this site, and came across a question from a young girl (just fifteen years old!) who asked an "expert" on this site who CLAIMS to be a doctor who has years of experience in counseling children and women who have been victims of sexual abuse and rape(I hope that is not true, because if it is I am deeply concerned for the wellbeing of his clients) whether or not she had been raped and if it was her fault. She describes the circumstances leading up to her being raped (she was playing a "drinking game" with her twenty one year old step brother and his friend). Dr Sunu Sundar clearly tells her that it was indeed her fault, and that she should not have been drinking. Never mind that this girl was in the seventh grade and that this was her step-brother (who I might add is an adult!). He never encouraged her to tell somewhat what had happened to her or to seek counseling. He told another young woman who had been raped that she can avoid being victimized again in the future by making sure that she is never alone with a boy/man and avoiding nightclubs. Oh, and he tells her to pray for an hour each day and read the bible and that will help her to heal and will also protect her.

When I read that I felt sick to my stomach. He is basically telling these girls that what happened to them is their fault! His "advice" is absurd! He places all of the responsibility on the woman's shoulders, and doesn't seem to think that the man has ANY responsibility for his actions. Avoid men? Seriously? Unbelievable. Anyway, I know that other experts can also chime in and give advice. And I wondered if perhaps you could try and help this young woman? Apparently other users are also allowed to do this, but I wasn't sure what to say to this girl. I am no expert, and of course this individual comes across as being very credible because he is a "DR". Isn't this type of thing unethical? Aren't there certain guidelines/rules that mental health professionals must follow? I am very afraid for this girls safety. After all, this wasn't some stranger. It was her step-brother, and from what I understand he is still living in the house with her. And I am also concerned for her mental health and emotional well-being. I am providing you with the links to both of these questions and the answers that followed. Please let me know if you can/will do something? It is so infuriating (and sad!) that in this day and age women and girls are STILL being made to feel as though they did something to deserve being violated. I thought that we as a society had moved away from those outdated attitudes about women and rape. What do you think about this? Thank you.

Sincerely,

Beverly

http://en.allexperts.com/q/Rape-Counseling-1570/2009/11/rape-fault.htm

http://en.allexperts.com/q/Rape-Counseling-1570/2009/11/think-raped-3-years.htm

ANSWER: Dear Beverly:

Thanks for bringing this to my attention. I went to the website you gave me and it doesn't say exactly what you wrote about he incident although the gravamen of it is as you wrote. I found nothing in the write-up you directed me to that says she was with her stepbrother and his friend or that she was playing a drinking game.

But I totally agree with you about the advice Dr. Sundar gave her. As an expert on allexperts.com, I do not, however, think it is my place to write to this young woman who did not solicit my advice. A problem with allexperts.com that I have found is that there is no way to communicate with the organization. I looked again now in connection with your comments and found this URL:

http://www.allexperts.com/user.cgi?m=10&subject=Problem%20from%20Questioner

where apparently a questioner can send in a technical question. Perhaps you could use that to let them know your views about Dr. Sundar as one of their experts.

Good luck!

Best regards,

Sonia

Sonia Pressman Fuentes
website: http://www.erraticimpact.com/fuentes

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi Sonia,

I'm not sure why we are not seeing the same thing?? I copied and pasted the question and answer (and it does include the information I gave you about the drinking game and her rapist being her step brother. Here it is:

About two years ago I was in the 7th grade and my dad had just got married. I had moved in with m new family and was doing great. After a few months my step brother was 21 moved in. He never hit on me or anything. But one night him and his friend brought over alcohol. We was playing drinkin games. The last thing I remember was him trying to kiss me and touch on my legs. When I had woken up the next morning I didn't remember the rest of the night. I had felt different in my vaginal area. It hurt. So I knew something had happened. I stayed really depressed. And I never said anything. About a month later he got drunk again, I was totally sober. And he said something to me that broke my heart. He told me that we had sex and he was actually happy about. Before then my virginity meant everything. And he took it all away from me. I'm 15 now and still recovering. I try to make it least about of noticeable that I'm hurting inside and only my boyfriend and few friends know. So was it rape? Or is it not? Was it my fault? Will I ever fully recover?

Yes this is rape.

Your fault lies in playing drinking games with him.This game was a blunder and a trap.

You will be fully healed and recover if you start praying to God regularly and walk according to His commands.

Have a nice day

Since you do not feel comfortable giving her unsolicited advice, would you be willing to perhaps help me in advising her? Remember I said that anyone reading the question/answer could respond with their own thoughts/advice. I would be willing to do that. I just don't want to give the wrong advice. I did some research and found an organization in the US called RAINN that helps victims of sexual abuse and rape. Apparently they have a toll free number you can call and they also provide an on-line hotline, where you can communicate with a trained volunteer live via instant messaging. There is also a lot of good information on their web site, and you can find a local counseling center by entering your state and zip code. I thought maybe I could suggest this. And I would really like to emphaisize that it wasn't her fault. I guess this touched me so much because I was in a similar situation in college. I KNOW what she is going through. I carried a lot of guilt and shame over what happened to me for a long time, and I know that if someone had actually come out and said it was MY fault it would have pushed me over the edge. And I was a lot older than she was. I want to suggest that she tell her mom and dad, but I don't know if that is the right advice or not. I can't imagine having to live in the same house with this pig (or at the very least, see my rapist all the time). Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Beverly

Answer
Dear Beverly:

It's interesting that you now included the initial query from the young woman--that is not the query I got last time when I clicked on the URL you sent earlier; I got another case of a young woman who may have been molested after drinking but there was no reference to a stepbrother.

I understand your concern about this young woman, who reminds you of a similar situation in your own life, but I have no idea what you mean by asking me if I'd be willing to help you in advising her. As I wrote you earlier, I do not think it would be appropriate for me to try to communicate with her since she did solicit my advice. Nor do I think it appropriate for me to try to communicate with her through you. While I can't keep you from contacting her, if you can find a way to do so, I think you should remember that (1) this incident occurred two years ago; and (2) you did not state that you are a trained professional qualified to advise this young woman. I understand you want to advise her to contact this RAINN organization but by doing so, you are inserting yourself into a situation that does not involve you and attempting to give advice two years after the fact when you are not a trained professional.

What I do think is important, which you could attempt to do, is to get this Dr. Sundar removed as one of allexperts.com experts, if he still is one, so he cannot harm others with his comments. In my earlier e-mail, I suggested a way in which you can try to make this suggestion to allexperts.com

Best regards,

Sonia

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