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You are here: Experts > Teens > Teen Advice > How to Work Out Arguments With a Loved One > lies, how to forgive
Expert: Kay Lewis - 10/25/2009
Question
Hi Ms Kay, my b/f of 10 yrs (we had planned to marry wedding was put off due to parents being ill) lied about the porn he was watching through our relationship, it upset me to know he would get out of bed and go look at porn and our own sex life was lacking. He brought home xxx magazines and said they weren't his, he was covering for a friend at work. Why he would do this when I almost ended the relationship over porn before I don't know, but he insists it's true. I don't believe him, and it's tearing me up because I don't know how to get over it. What troubles me so much is that he gave me an ultimatum (believe me or it's over, I didn't believe him, but then he apologized and stayed....) Do you have any advice on what I need to do? He says I control whether I believe him or not based on the person he is, I believe he is generally honest, but he lied about porn so much I just don't know if he's telling me the truth. I don't want one of these guys that gets his jollies with porn and looking at other women, and the girlfirend/wife is just "the woman at the house" and I didn't think he was like that until it got to the point where our relationship almost ended over porn. Do I need counselling? Thank you, Jen
Answer
"based on the person he is" ....He lied and only apologized because he was sorry that he got caught. If he truly only kept the porn for a friend, he wouldn't have such an urge to watch it. Something makes him prefer porn over actual contact. Something makes him decide not to be intimate with you. Until he can overcome what ever makes him do these things, he will continue to have some form of addiction and he will continue to give you less than what you need. You can only trust him when he becomes more trustworthy. this means he must be honest with you and abstain from porn for a couple months before he can be considered a changed man. You don't need counseling. You need someone who does not feed you bull.
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