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How to Work Out Arguments With a Loved One/Engaged and the question of how will we care for our parents/disabled sister

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Question
My fiancee and I have been together for just over a year now. This morning he said out of the blue "You know we're going to have to take care of my mother and sister someday right?" His mother is 58 has type 1 diabetes and his sister is 26 and is autistic and epileptic. Currently, his mother takes care of the sister. I don't know how I feel about this situation as I never really thought I would be in this kind of situation. Now that it's been brought to my attention, it seems like it's me or them so now I'm really concerned that my opinion doesn't matter in any of this. I love him very much and want to marry him, but I don't know if I can handle taking care of people, I don't even want kids! I now feel like a bad person because of this and up until today I felt like a good person. This whole idea is really scary for me and him just telling me "this is how it's going to be" doesn't sit well with me. Any help will be much appreciated!

Answer
Hi Stephanie,

Though he has a responsibility towards his family but he still needs to take you into confidence and discuss issues before deciding unilaterally. You don't need to feel bad as this is a long term commitment and can alter your lives in more ways than one. But it's true that if you try to back out at this juncture, it may harm your perfect relationship. So talk to him, politely tell him that you are still not prepared for this. They can take up a house nearby and he can visit them often but may be not live under one roof. He can also provide financial support, as required.  You will have to broach this topic very diplomatically and not as a complaint or grouse.

Regards,

Vani

How to Work Out Arguments With a Loved One

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Vani

Expertise

Can handle all questions pertaining to arguments/difference of opinion among friends, spouses, family, colleagues. The crux is to understand the causality and personality of the people involved in such a complex situation.

Experience

Being the eldest child in the family and also one of the eldest in the immediate family, I am a very popular person. About 15 years of work experience has also made me an expert on how to juggle with family and work life in a more balanced manner.

Publications
I am an expert on Indian Culture and Inlaw Relationship at allexperts.com

Education/Credentials
Masters in Business Administration

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