How to Work Out Arguments With a Loved One/Boyfriend doesn't like tattoo
Hi there! I'm Rachel, I'm 20 years old. I've been dating this guy for about a year and a half now, who is 42. He has a 7 year old daughter whom he is raising alone. Him and the mother were not married, they broke up shortly after the birth, and he was awarded full custody within the first year. He is a wonderful father and all-around great guy. We get along great and I love him very much. However, we've run into a kind of snag. I wouldn't consider myself a HUGE fan of tattoos, but I have lots of appreciation for ones that are very meaningful. I have a certain tattoo design that I've wanted for about a year now. It has two angels, a young man and young woman, sitting on a crescent moon, holding each other and kissing, with "1 Peter 4:8" underneath. It means a lot to me for a few reasons. Not only is it a very pretty drawing, but it's about love. I must admit I'm very romantic and love will always be an important part of my life. Also the Bible verse is a sign that I'm a Christian which is very important to me, and that particular verse ("above all, love each other deeply, for love covers over a multitude of sins") means that when you really love someone, you overlook their mistakes. It reminds me not to judge too harshly because we have all made mistakes, and sometimes forgiveness is the only way to keep someone in your life.
Anyway, my boyfriend mentioned a couple times over the past 4 years (that's how long we've known each other) that he "doesn't care for tattoos". Now to me, that sounds like he doesn't like them, but doesn't hate them. So I had tried asking him more than once about this particular tattoo and he kept saying "I'm not getting into this, it's your body." So yesterday I went ahead and got it done. And I love it. But now he's really upset. It's on my shoulder blade, it's about 4 inches by 4 inches, and he says it's a huge distraction for him, but because I can't see it I'll never be distracted, and that it's not fair. He says he doesn't want to shower together or be intimate doggie style (sorry, TMI) or really do anything where it is showing unless it is dark, because seeing it would take his focus off of me. I think that's kind of rediculous. I'm still the same person. And it's a pretty design, not like something with skulls or anything. And when I tried asking him about it he wouldn't really anser, so I don't see why he has the right to be upset. I have a history of changing myself to be with certain guys, and this is the first guy I haven't felt the need to do that with yet. I can always be myself. I did suspect that he wouldn't really like it, but I kind of wanted to prove to myself that I could be strong and not let a guy interfere with my choices about my body. It would be different if we were married, or at least engaged, but we're not. He hasn't even said he loves me yet. I say I love him and he always says "thanks you" and I've been okay with that. I really love him and I'm hoping for a serious future with him. But I can't put my life on hold, not knowing if that will ever happen. He says if I really love him, I wouldn't do things that I know he doesn't like. I agree with that, except that I also feel if he really cares about me, he'll see me for who I am. He says he's really hurt that I asked for his opinion on it, but then didn't listen to it anyway. But he never really gave me his opinion in the first place. I really love him and I didn't do it to hurt him. But I also don't regret it, because it means a lot to me. I don't want any other tattoos. Do you think he'll eventually get over it? Get used to seeing it and not even notice it anymore? He says he won't. How should I handle this?
Hi, Rachel! Have you tried asking your bf why he is so opposed to the tattoo? What exactly about your tattoo upsets him to the point that it effects his ability to be intimate with you? Is there a deeper reasoning behind this or is he genuinely turned off by the look of a tattoo?
Also, you stated you asked him for his opinion, and although he mentioned that he didn't like the idea of a tattoo, he DID say that it is your body, and he's right. No man should have any say in what we do with our own bodies. Just because he gave you his opinion, doesn't mean you have to follow it and I agree with you deciding to get it. You didn't get it for him, you got it for yourself and it has a deeper meaning behind it....it's not just some random tattoo that you decided to get on a whim. It's something you put a lot of thought into.
You also have to realize, and I'm sure you get this a lot, your bf is much older and perhaps it's his age that prevents him from fully understanding the meaning of why people get tattoos. I have relatives his age and older who think tattoos are disgusting, but they are from a different time when tattoos weren't popular or becoming...especially on a lady, but times change and he's going to have to deal with it...it's there and it's not going anywhere.
The best advice I can give you is to wait it out. He may not like it at this moment, but perhaps in time, he will either get used to it, or learn to love it because it IS on your body. He has his mind set on not liking it, but he had that drilled in his head from the beginning. He doesn't like tattoos...okay, that's fine, but you do. It shouldn't change his feelings towards you. He might not be attracted to it, but in time, if he truly cares about you, he will learn to accept it. Like you said, it hasn't changed you as a person. If he still cannot accept it, for whatever reason, then you need to find a man who will love you and accept you for who you are...someone who will love you both physically and mentally. You have accepted him and everything he comes along with and he has a lot of baggage...as a lot of people do, but being young and accepting of an older man with a child is a very big thing, if he can't accept something as minor as a tattoo, then he doesn't deserve you! :) For now, just give it time....and kudos to you for sticking to your guns!!!!