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How to Work Out Arguments With a Loved One/Strange behavior of my Girl friend

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QUESTION: We are 24years old. It has been almost 16 months to our relation. she was alright for first six months of our relation, but for last one year she has become so rude towards me. her strange behavior has hurt me so badly. Some times she avoids me so much and some times she gets angry if i don't talk to her much. Some times she says she doesn't want to marry me and some other times she says that she can't live without me. She has screamed over me several times. she doesn't allow me even to talk to any of my friends, specially to my best friend. she has deleted all girls from my Facebook account, though she even doesn't let me see her cell phone! But still she claims that she loves me! For last 1 month she has started getting bit strange! Even today she wanted to meet me. I waited for her for 4 hours. We were suppose to go together for some work. But she told that she has already got that work done only for her along with her friend and i must get it done my self! i was bit shocked and disappointed. then she blamed me that i am not acting good and she left without even sitting with me. What is going on! I am so much confused. I love her but she is acting so rude.. what should i do. need sincere suggestions. Sad

ANSWER: Hello, Dr. Memon. I'm sorry to hear that you are having a hard time with your girlfriend. The best advice that I can give is for you to sit down and talk to her. If she loves and respects you, she will listen and take the necessary steps to become a better girlfriend. Otherwise, if she continues to treat you this way, then you have to ask yourself if you love her enough to put up with being treated in a disrespectful way.

Is there something you may have done that has caused her to be upset with you? As I've stated to previous individuals who have asked questions regarding matters similar to yours, you MUST communicate when you are in a relationship, otherwise, the two of you are going to have a miserable relationship.

If she isn't willing to sit down and speak with you about why she's being so rude to you, then she doesn't deserve you because nobody deserves to be treated in such a disrespectful manner.

xoxo,
Kathy

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: thanks for the answer. Today i tried to talk to her again to address the issues. I just asked her to sit together and figure out why our relation is not going fine. But she refused and left. Then in night at 1:30am i called her to inquire where she is and why has she not come back to home! she replied at 2:30am that she is at her cousin's home and just staying there for tonight. She said that she was busy and would call me as soon as she would get free. I waited for her whole night but NO CONTACT FROM HER SIDE!!! Sad Though i don't like her that cousin as he is kinda bad guy, and i guess she knows that too. Now i feel like dying right now! its hell for me.

ANSWER: Hi, Dr. Memon. It doesn't sound like your girlfriend respects you at all and isn't taking your feelings into consideration. I understand that you care for her and love her, but I don't think it's right to subject yourself to this type of treatment.

There is nothing you can do if she is not willing to change or willing to speak with you about why she is treating you this way. You have to decide whether it is worth it to stay together. If she is making you unhappy, then you have to determine whether you are willing to be unhappy for the sake of being able to say you are togehter, or you can break up and find someone who will love and respect you the same way you love and respect your girlfriend.

I know there are two sides to every story and I don't necessarily know why she is treating you this way, but you ultimately decide how you wish to be treated and if she isn't treating you right, then what reasons do you really have to stay with her? If she is willing to work things out, then that's great, otherwise, I would suggest you figure out what it is you truly want and if you're willing to stick out through the good and bad with her, then that's up to you, but remember, you deserve to be happy. Everyone does! If you two don't make one another happy, then what's the point in staying together if all you're going to do is hurt one another?

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QUESTION: Umm... Today she told me that she had a dream few days ago and she discussed about that dream with some person(astrologist), who told her that i am not good for her and that in future i will leave her! So she says she is thinking to end up! I mean that's so insane. How can she believe that person. God knows I love her so so much. I have always been there with her in good times and the bad.. I can't even see tears in her eyes. I always try to keep her happy in every way possible. And she is leaving bc of that stupid person. How can he say anything about the future? I am so much depressed. Feeling like ending my life right now... :(

Answer
Dr. Memon, it sounds to me that your girlfriend has some personal issues she needs to deal with and she is just trying to find reasons to not be with you. Or perhaps, she really does believe this "astrologist". Whatever the case may be, I understand that you are dealing with a lot of emotions, but killing yourself or thinking about harming yourself is never the answer. There are people who love and care about you and if anything were to happen to you, I'm sure they would be devastated. If things between you and your girlfriend are going to end, the only thing left to do is move on. There will definitely be someone out there who will give you all the love and attention you deserve. Just please, if you feel you need to harm yourself or do anything drastic, talk to someone. In the US we have hotlines you can call in case you feel extremely depressed or confide in a close friend about your feelings, just keep yourself busy. I know this hurts now, but you WILL get through it. I know a lot of people who have dealt with heartache, including myself, but in time, it gets so much better. Hang in there and write back if you need someone to talk to. I will try my best to respond as soon as I am able.

How to Work Out Arguments With a Loved One

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Kathy

Expertise

I can answer questions in regards to relationships, dating, family issues, etc. I, myself, have been through it all. I also have experience working with depression and am a parent so I can contribute advice through the eyes of both a mom, sister, daughter and a friend.

Experience

I have battled depression and have overcome a great deal. I have been in serious relationships, one for 11 years as well as one I am currently in and both have been incredibly different, but incredibly eye opening. I have a family of women and relationships are all we seem to talk about. I have also worked in a facility with young women in various types of relationships ranging from abusive to non-abusive. I am a great listener and although I lack any "professional" credentials, I will provide honest and compassionate answers and help to those who need.

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I'm just a really good listener and an older sister, a mom, and a girlfriend. I have experience with relationships..trust me.

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